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for The Leviathan's Berry

1/16 c4 Guest
fucking shit
12/19/2020 c12 Waka Metalbelly
It's ok. Unfortunately that's the nicest thing I can say about this story. I didn't find that many grammatical mistakes. Very few if any in fact. Proper sentence structure was all there. Proper spelling and punctuation too. But as far as the plot, or rather the word soup that's pretending to be plot goes? Rambling meandering meh.

That leads me to the biggest problem of this story. It's that the story has absolutely no direction. Yes, there's some vague reference to a hidden threat. Sure. But that's it. A vague reference to something? It took a solid 12 chapters after over 100k words to actually see a resemblance of what the threat could be. And even then it's not confirmed that this is the actual threat. I understand story building but come on! Now to your credit, you do have a lot of story written down. But where that all falls down is that normally throughout the process of writing all that, you're also advancing the plot of the story. Which is something you apparently absolutely refuse to do.

Another problem is that you seen utterly fixated on writing about every single other viewpoint imaginable except for the two people that the story is actually about. And the rare few times you actually do write about the two man characters, it's some rambling shuffle of random words that only vaguely resemble anything approaching plot progression.

This story needs to be taken back all the way to the skeleton, and reworked from the top. With the help of an editor that knows what the hell they're doing. Mainly with a massively reduced focus on peripheral characters, and a much more focused view on the main characters themselves.

In summary, this story is a lot like a filler season for an anime. It's somewhat entertaining, but it's not what your there for. And I suppose that's the reason I'm so upset. It's that I see the bones of an amazing story in this. But it's covered in so much word vomit that I can barely see it's there. This could be an incredible story, but it needs some real work.
11/18/2020 c4 XenoLucifer
Your story doesn't make sense "former herolost your edge" none of these things mean anything, Ichigo after the fullbring arc was stronger than ever. He had managed to get past his most difficult mental blocks and regained not just his power but also spirit, for you to just write a story and say "yeah, you have no edge" is insulting to the source material.

Please do learn how to be considerate when making a story, it would be as if I made a DBZ story and had Blue Goku beaten by Gotenks or something. It's unreal, impossible and overall would be kinda sickening to read.
11/18/2020 c2 XenoLucifer
There is too much information and not enough information thrust upon us at the same time, you start this story as if you expect us the readers to understand what's going on yet the story is very clearly an AU so that is impossible. How do you expect us to follow the story when we don't know when it takes place? the first chapter takes place before the peace meeting but you had already introduced an OC and behemoth which was incredibly confusing. In this chapter when you introduce Ichigo he has graduated and already gone through his fullbring transformation to regain his powers despite the story summary mentioning"with Aizens defeat" which would normally insinuate that this is before the fullbring arc and right after the winter war during his time as a full human.

Do better next time, even know I'm confused since Ichigo seems to be facing some beast and is using a new type of getsuga without any explanation.
10/15/2020 c3 Fullmetal11791
I dont really think the criticism of Ichigo being weak because he depended on his spirits is deserved, nor does it make much sense. He's a shinigami, their power directly comes from the symbiotic relationship they form with their inner spirits. Further, the spirits are a reflection of themselves. So by saying Ichigo was weak for relying on the spirits, its like saying he was weak for relying on himself. It makes... no sense.

And, if they all know who he is and what he's done, they also know how absolutely monstrously strong he was before he killed Aizen. He got that strong... by relying on his spirits.

So calling him foolish and weak for relying on the very beings who made him one of the strongest beings in existence is... an odd story choice.
10/12/2020 c4 An angry boi
I honestly hate this fanfic... Ichigo is this wimpy little bitch who just gives in... he has no spirit no nothing literally the queen was the one who sent someone who BROKE his wrist and he just fucking is OKAY with that?! Like what the fuck?! If someone sent someone who did that to me and then wanted me to join them I would refuse no matter what they fucking offered!
9/21/2020 c12 ImNotAWeeb64101
Just binged the 12 chapters today and it was honestly a fun read! Loved the interactions between Sera and the the bleach cast. Can’t wait for the next update!
9/7/2020 c4 RARE2000
Let me be clear. You wrote Okita as Yammy. He is this story’s Yammy. He is the guy who beats up the protagonist while he’s weakened and shits all over him. We do not like him. The disrespect and deception bullsh!t with the hospital makes it even worse. I assume it was Yasaka there and the doctor was hypnotized or something... The reader never enjoys the Protagonist getting decieved and yanked around. As the reader views the world through his eyes. Empathizes with his struggles and cheers him when he wins. I read some of the other reviews for later chapters and saw mentions of a hex on ichigo. Is that how you explains it all away? Im mad. I need to go cool off.
9/7/2020 c3 RARE2000
This is why I only ever end up enjoying Ichigo’s that are more tempered by the winter war. Though... This Ichigo acts more like the early soul-society arc ichigo. I’m fine with ichigo being weaker, the jagged blade is a good touch. He’s still building himself back up, he never gave up, he didn’t give in to depression. What I don’t like, is attributing his success to his zanpakuto spirits, or the derision shown towards them. They are part of him, literally parts of his soul. Even shattered and hollowed out, they are still with him even if he cant hear them anymore.

Aside from that. DxD already has insane power creep, don’t lowball the protagonist and then have him stomped by some OC character then have him be all friendly. I especially hated the hero worship that shows up in the next chapter. As if he was ever respectful to the powerful if they hadn’t shown him they were worthy, he was irreverant even in the face of death. Them having the same names as mythological figures would not distract from the concerns for his family.

I’m gonna go on an even bigger rant and start nitpicking everything if I keep going, so I’m gonna stop.
9/6/2020 c12 Ibukibestgirl
Checked out some of the reviews after I finished reading this and I gotta say I'm quite surprised. The plot's pace is refreshing to me since most stories on this website go at breakneck speed. I also like that Ichigo doesn't just get dropped in the middle of the DxD universe, stomping his way through various characters. In my opinion, the fact that he is still nowhere near his strongest gives the story much needed tension, something that other stories severely lack. Admittedly, I can't wait for more Sera-Ichigo interactions, but I will endure it if it means a good story. All in all, your writing is great, keep following your vision for the story and don't let the bastards get you down. Looking forward to the next chapter.
8/3/2020 c12 Guest
This is trash and you can tell by reading it that the author is a moron.
8/3/2020 c1 Guest
Where the fuck is ichigo you fucking hack.
8/4/2020 c12 Uday Sra
Good
8/4/2020 c12 name the missing
Thx for the chapter. Do whichever way is easier for you on the fixes
8/3/2020 c12 midnightscar17
Closure is the best medicine. So when does he get his true zanpakuto
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