for Holocron10/9/2020 c1 Guest
Now this seems more likely then a Jedi coming to earth in the present day H.P. even if it was an old Yoda Holocron... since he's like ancient.
Now this seems more likely then a Jedi coming to earth in the present day H.P. even if it was an old Yoda Holocron... since he's like ancient.
10/10/2020 c18 
7jabarber69
Great Story! I sure hope you can update again someday.
P.S. MoRon Weasley is the reason why a padawan should never ever teach someone the force!
7jabarber69Great Story! I sure hope you can update again someday.
P.S. MoRon Weasley is the reason why a padawan should never ever teach someone the force!
9/13/2020 c18 1kittyranma
An interesting premise, looks like we might be having a Darth Weasel soon. Keep up the good work.
1kittyranmaAn interesting premise, looks like we might be having a Darth Weasel soon. Keep up the good work.
8/24/2020 c10 bruno.fagundes9
First of all I need to say that I really like your story specially the premise. I think it was really well done the way that you made Harry find the holocron.
But this chapter was really really really disappointing, there were some good things like the dance, as well as the Interaction of the characters. Nonetheless, you did something that you hadn't done for the entirety of your story, you forcibly changed something and it was a completely unnecessary change, it was actually a terrible change. There was no reason for you to not make Harry a champion, absolutely no reason, the only thing it accomplished was take all the action and excitement of the part of the story with the biggest potential for such a thing.
You did the same with the second year when it came to the diary, but that time you made sense since it was a consequence of Ron having the force, it was underhalming but necessary otherwise it would be forced and a poor stoywritting on your part. At that you followed the premise of the story of everything that happened being a consequence of Harry having the force. But this chapter, this change, it made no sense, why would Voldemort change his plan, what logic was that, don't get me wrong, if I was Voldemort I would actually do the same thing you had him doing. But that wasn't the cannon, and the premise of your story didn't explain the change, it was just a forced change. And like I said before, a change that took every single excitement and action of the chapter, not to mention it took his fame, the attention that the world that he had, and the Interaction with the others champions, it was a totally senseless change.
Seriously what is the point of having a mc with the force of your are doing your very best for him to have no chance of showing off.
Another thing I didn't like was Harry teaching Ron and Hermione the force, specially Ron, with the force itself warning him to do the contrary, it too stupid. That being said it was not forced, since this Harry was even more isolated than the other and was desperate for someone who he could trust.
On the other hand, the change you made with the quidditch was very well done, you had the guts to not follow the cannon to the letter ( not doing so in a forced way) and with big change that actually increased the difficulty of writing the story, very well done.
The idea of the connection between Hermione and Harry was also amazing and very well written.
The fight with the troll was also incredible, one of the version of the scene that I have ever read actually. You managed to bring the action and excitement of the spectacularly, witch ironically was also one of the reason that your evasion of doing this kind of scenes in this( the tenth chapter) was so disappointing.
Well thank you for sharing your story and I hope that my rant was not offensive. Because that was not my intention, you are clearly very talented. And sorry for my English.
First of all I need to say that I really like your story specially the premise. I think it was really well done the way that you made Harry find the holocron.
But this chapter was really really really disappointing, there were some good things like the dance, as well as the Interaction of the characters. Nonetheless, you did something that you hadn't done for the entirety of your story, you forcibly changed something and it was a completely unnecessary change, it was actually a terrible change. There was no reason for you to not make Harry a champion, absolutely no reason, the only thing it accomplished was take all the action and excitement of the part of the story with the biggest potential for such a thing.
You did the same with the second year when it came to the diary, but that time you made sense since it was a consequence of Ron having the force, it was underhalming but necessary otherwise it would be forced and a poor stoywritting on your part. At that you followed the premise of the story of everything that happened being a consequence of Harry having the force. But this chapter, this change, it made no sense, why would Voldemort change his plan, what logic was that, don't get me wrong, if I was Voldemort I would actually do the same thing you had him doing. But that wasn't the cannon, and the premise of your story didn't explain the change, it was just a forced change. And like I said before, a change that took every single excitement and action of the chapter, not to mention it took his fame, the attention that the world that he had, and the Interaction with the others champions, it was a totally senseless change.
Seriously what is the point of having a mc with the force of your are doing your very best for him to have no chance of showing off.
Another thing I didn't like was Harry teaching Ron and Hermione the force, specially Ron, with the force itself warning him to do the contrary, it too stupid. That being said it was not forced, since this Harry was even more isolated than the other and was desperate for someone who he could trust.
On the other hand, the change you made with the quidditch was very well done, you had the guts to not follow the cannon to the letter ( not doing so in a forced way) and with big change that actually increased the difficulty of writing the story, very well done.
The idea of the connection between Hermione and Harry was also amazing and very well written.
The fight with the troll was also incredible, one of the version of the scene that I have ever read actually. You managed to bring the action and excitement of the spectacularly, witch ironically was also one of the reason that your evasion of doing this kind of scenes in this( the tenth chapter) was so disappointing.
Well thank you for sharing your story and I hope that my rant was not offensive. Because that was not my intention, you are clearly very talented. And sorry for my English.
8/14/2020 c18 3Spica75
Soo, how many chapters before Ron gets his red lightsaber and goes back in black?
(plz forgive the terrible pun(Red Dwarf ref))
3Spica75Soo, how many chapters before Ron gets his red lightsaber and goes back in black?
(plz forgive the terrible pun(Red Dwarf ref))
8/13/2020 c8 Spica75
Hilariously shortstopped and short 2nd year.
You got Hermione to play quidditch, that's almost a first ever, and doing it GOOD, i think that IS a first ever i've seen it.
You're making Ron almost likeable, how monumentally terrible! Actually it's nice to see him be a better self without "in name only" author fiat applied.
And no i don't think you went overboard with the quidditch matches. Even if the game is the most stupid game ever invented. And i include the REAL world "games" of "wife carrying" and "throwing a small mobile phone" in that comparison (both of those later "games" started in Finland ).
Hilariously shortstopped and short 2nd year.
You got Hermione to play quidditch, that's almost a first ever, and doing it GOOD, i think that IS a first ever i've seen it.
You're making Ron almost likeable, how monumentally terrible! Actually it's nice to see him be a better self without "in name only" author fiat applied.
And no i don't think you went overboard with the quidditch matches. Even if the game is the most stupid game ever invented. And i include the REAL world "games" of "wife carrying" and "throwing a small mobile phone" in that comparison (both of those later "games" started in Finland ).
8/13/2020 c7 Spica75
A completely uneventful first year after halloween, lol, that's kinda hilarious actually.
A completely uneventful first year after halloween, lol, that's kinda hilarious actually.
8/13/2020 c6 Spica75
First of all, it's boring that despite all the changes, you enforce canon so harshly top down on the story, that's just unrealistic and really hurt the feel of the story.
More importantly, there is absolutely not even the slightest chance that Ron, by himself would have gone after Hermione, he wouldn't even have thought about her while first busy eating and then having a "shocking event" take place.
And even if her not being around came up at all (which by itself isn't entirely likely), he MIGHT have gone as far telling a prefect in passing, but even that is unlikely, because his personality at the time is completely "that's got nothing to do with me, so i don't care to bother"(compare to his behaviour during the triwizard year, he's basically "oh, you're going to be in mortal danger really soon and desperately need to train to have a chance to survive, eh cheer up mate that's way too boring i tell ya, now, how about a nice game of chess?").
Ron from the canon epilogue probably would have come, but not even that is guaranteed, because even there we are shown that he is still a horribly irresponsible and corrupt person (try reading the supershort "Wizard behind the wheel" story for a good showing why the epilogue is insane and why Ron is still not a nice character)
First of all, it's boring that despite all the changes, you enforce canon so harshly top down on the story, that's just unrealistic and really hurt the feel of the story.
More importantly, there is absolutely not even the slightest chance that Ron, by himself would have gone after Hermione, he wouldn't even have thought about her while first busy eating and then having a "shocking event" take place.
And even if her not being around came up at all (which by itself isn't entirely likely), he MIGHT have gone as far telling a prefect in passing, but even that is unlikely, because his personality at the time is completely "that's got nothing to do with me, so i don't care to bother"(compare to his behaviour during the triwizard year, he's basically "oh, you're going to be in mortal danger really soon and desperately need to train to have a chance to survive, eh cheer up mate that's way too boring i tell ya, now, how about a nice game of chess?").
Ron from the canon epilogue probably would have come, but not even that is guaranteed, because even there we are shown that he is still a horribly irresponsible and corrupt person (try reading the supershort "Wizard behind the wheel" story for a good showing why the epilogue is insane and why Ron is still not a nice character)
8/4/2020 c2 Guest
Mello Harry is so funny to watch as everyone who seemed to revile in his suffering.
Mello Harry is so funny to watch as everyone who seemed to revile in his suffering.
7/11/2020 c14 kenodoxia
it's like the sw sequels, and GoT later seasons. you had an end scene in mind, so you punched and beat and kicked the story to reach your end scene. really not great. what a waste of a great setup.
Stories are like a tree, it grows from the ground and grows branches and leaves, and seeds of new stories. stories shouldn't be treated like swords where you imagine the end product, and then start hammering a lump of metal.
it's like the sw sequels, and GoT later seasons. you had an end scene in mind, so you punched and beat and kicked the story to reach your end scene. really not great. what a waste of a great setup.
Stories are like a tree, it grows from the ground and grows branches and leaves, and seeds of new stories. stories shouldn't be treated like swords where you imagine the end product, and then start hammering a lump of metal.
7/11/2020 c12 kenodoxia
it's like harry is intentionally ignoring the changes in ron, even when it's so in your face. it's like you forcing the story along
it's like harry is intentionally ignoring the changes in ron, even when it's so in your face. it's like you forcing the story along