Just In
for Ambition

11/25/2020 c7 Faerie Surinen
Hi! I’ve really been enjoying this story - I especially like the relationships you are building between Ash and the other characters as well as how much personality the Pokémon have. I especially identify with Titian :) One thing I have been noticing is that when you describe a character a character “leering” the situation doesn’t seem to fit the definition I know of that word. I usually see it applied in a situation where someone is ogling another with unpleasant intent that has some sexual connotations to it. You seem to be using as a synonym for scowling and glaring. Sorry for the unsolicited advice! I hope it doesn’t bug you too much because I am eager to see where this story heads
11/15/2020 c7 9The Epitome of Eccentricity
Is Aurora in a luxury ball or an ultra ball? You had her in the latter in this one
10/31/2020 c2 Pokemark17
I enjoyed the first chapter but the second one was just just a mess the way tobias just happened to be there and ash's reaction to everything was just so forced it really has put me off reading further, I like story's with longer chapter but a lot of it was just irrelevant and the combat scenes were just dull overall when I came from another story where this was recommended it was a real disappointment
10/29/2020 c1 1Ranger Station Charlie
I love Alolan vulpix for its looks and it has a great potential move pool and and abilities to pull from. Making it where you can make some really fun battle to write for. It is a great starter and has the potential to be a great partner, not sure if it can pull off being a leader figure of a team since I've always viewed an Alolan nine tails as more of a lone wolf type creature. Still to give up a dranti dam man that thing has the potential to be an absolute power house plus it is rare as hell to get, to the point I was surprised his mother could get her hands on one. Didn't feel like I got a good enough impression why Ash changed his mind on this one, I suppose the biggest reason which was mentioned well enough was that Ash didn't want a nightmare/temperamental starter but one who he could bond with. I suppose he didn't want to chance it with sending Vulpix away.
10/28/2020 c7 AngelFaux
Well...that was something. At least Ash is bonding with Titan. Though I guess it's too much to ask a pair of kids to consider that when the government decides to make a place temporarily closed for safety would know what they're doing.

Gary's a fun foil to Ash and they may not have gotten lost, but getting trapped is just as bad.

Still, let's hope Ash and Gary learn their lesson here.
10/25/2020 c7 AxeTheGreat
Nice story
10/23/2020 c7 SilverBlader
Stan, this is not a dumpster fire. Trust me, I’ve seen some bad stories in my day and this is better than most of the Just In stuff.

Let’s talk training right? This by far is the best part of the chapter. The training was fun and it fleshed out the team again. Titan’s Rock Tomb training was the best of all of it because we got to see Ash’a analytical abilities on display as he not only diagnosed what was wrong but made an adjustment. This is HUGE. Ash showed he can fix his team’s issues and help them improve. I’m expecting some major developments next chapter with the training if the Rock Tomb trajectory issue was fixed very quickly as was the issue Titan had with not being heavy enough to break earth.

I also loved the sibling rivalry between Ash and Gary. Word pointed out they have different styles. I think this was important because it shows how Ash’s experience changed him but also how much Ash and Gary differ from each other. Gary hasn’t experienced that sort of thing so naturally Ash is more cautious.

The tunnel wasn’t as bad as you think. It’s Mt. Moon, there’s not a lot to do with it this early that hasn’t been done.

I think even through all that you showed Ash’s mindset well and how he handles himself. You needed a traveling/expedition chapter and this was it. We saw forest, mountainside path, and tunnels. While we should probably question why the heck the league didn’t have more staff, it can be argued Ash was just that well prepared. It looked like Ash was really on top of stuff and well thought out, contrasting with his Pewter self. That’s growth!

I see some of the issues like why the league doesn’t have the units to find Ash and Gary and the slow pace (it’s supposed to be traveling chapter with team bonding and character development it’s not gonna be fast) to some degree, but it’s not awful.

I think this served its purpose well and got Ash to a good place. That’s progress. If this is your worst, I’m excited to see you at your best again.
10/23/2020 c7 Meliodas
I really liked the chapter thanks

I liked how they navigated and well being the villain(sorta) does have its charm this chapter felt very exciting.

Keep up the good work.
10/23/2020 c7 Haziq Saffari
Quite the long chapter, love it. Keep up the good work.
10/22/2020 c7 13A Wordsmith
Hey man! First of all, wonderful to see another chapter of Ambition lol, I've missed the gang - and what a chapter this one! Insanely long, and you've covered a ton of ground today. Now there are greener pastures to explore beyond Mount Moon lol, and it's all freedom now.

Once again, Gary and Ash stole the intro of this chapter lol - you've got some nice characterization for Orion and Titan early on, but those two have the front stage. Their quips were in top form and I appreciated having Gary being a little more of the "aggressor", even in this non-aggressive situation, but Ash still being able to fire back.

Ash training Titan was sweet - you can definitely see he's a bit out of his element with such a timid, untrained mon, but he's still able to handle him really well. I'm curious how their relationship is going to develop after this - Titan coming out of his shell more would be nice, but I could also see him retreating even further back, lol. Ash's creativity with the jaws for rock tomb is a definite good sign for the future, and there's a lot of potential there, especially with the little things like Aurora's multiple tails or Orion's multiple external fires. Tyranitar fighting type when?

You did a good job of combining world ambiance and character ambiance - while Ash is worried about meeting the guards, at the same time, it's still more for-fun - he's not scared of them, and he's actively coming up with ways to try and push them off. Even seeing the guards at the end of the road still has Ash follow Gary into going deeper. It's a good way to make the audience remember that this Ash is still a kid at the end of the day lol, and he's enjoying himself. (Even if he probably shouldn't have) The journey through the forest felt exactly like it should have.

Then the danger ramps up with the patrols - even chucking in a little foreshadowing, lol. Ash and Gary "fighting" off the birds was fun and a definite show of their strength, even if it couldn't quite match the two fully evolved mons, and the strategy to duck and cover was definitely one needed, lol. Then Gary gets to show he can hold his own against Ash, albeit in a bit more... destructive of a plan. Fun stuff to both disorient them and shove them directly into danger! Everyone's favourite.

I really couldn't tell you struggled with describing the caves lol - you already stick more to characters than description in your writing, and I got a full and satisfying glimpse of the caves through Ash's complaining - an excellent strategy for character development - and felt like I understood what I was supposed to see. Then came along the Onix! You foreshadowed this nicely with the repel trick how Gary reacts while Ash thinks, and him sprinting off made complete sense. Then proper Titan-timidness shadowing, then shaking, then falling rocks! I do like this change - limiting the battles in this chapter means there's a lot of room for future ones in the next, and Ash going head-to-head with an Onix seems a bit out of his depth lol. This is a good set up for him trekking down his own path, as well as some good training!

Overall, I really liked this chapter. It hit all the beats it needed to and the characters were on fire lol, even from the little things like Ash listening to Orion's hoofbeats or Titan's habitual iron defense. I'm very excited to see where you go from here and there's plenty of potential in what you're setting up - Ash and Gary playing off each other has a lot of potential fun as well, with Ash learning more about thinking on his feet, which would probably help a battler like Orion more. I did notice a few flaws - nothing much grammar-wise, but things like repeating "one day" twice in the same sentence. A pretty easy fix I've found for this is rereading over the chapter once but in a different font size - it changes the positioning of each word, forcing your brain to read everything fully instead of skimming because it assumes it knows which words are where.

But seriously, loved this chapter! Can't wait for the next look at the group of Ambition!
10/22/2020 c7 chthonian
Hi, I thought the chapter was really good. There were a couple of things I did notice though, first you switched back and forth on whether Aurora had an ultra ball or a luxury ball so you might want to check that. Also you seem to have a happy of repeating words either in the same sentence or very shortly after which causes it to feel slightly stilted. Otherwise I think the story is great so far and I'm looking forward to the next update. Stay safe.
10/22/2020 c7 1buterflypuss
good chap
10/22/2020 c7 15NinjaFang1331
Excellent job
10/22/2020 c3 21Zombie Cat Scientist
A detailed review, the same as given on the Detailed Review forums:
It's a somewhat generic story following the trend of 'Ash gets X for a starter', with a better starting execution than some other fictions I've seen.

This story starts off fairly solid, beginning with Ash's father leaving a note and doing some world-building, and having Ash be more analytical than his original self. I particularly liked how he decided against Charmander because Charmander can be very aggressive and leave their trainer in the hospital. Getting an Alolan vulpix instead of a dratini, by accident, was much appreciated as well. After all, who wouldn't go for a Dratini if they could, but feel sending away the poor Vulpix would be too heartbreaking when finally presented with her?

His second pokemon is a ponyta. While it's nice to see something other than the usual, I also have mixed feelings about getting a lot of special pokemon right away. However, this is more than made up by the fact trainers are given updated, more difficult pokemon as well.

However, the pacing is, while not terrible because we're on Pewter by the 3rd chapter, perhaps could be slightly tighter as the chapters are rather long.

Also, and this is something other reviewers expressed concern about, the fiction makes the mistake of both not doing anything particularly special about the 'pokemon battles are like abuse' and highlighting it by writing that our character dislikes seeing our pokemon friends in pain, yet is sending them out into a rather brutal gym battle anyway. That could make a fair bit more sense.
10/22/2020 c7 17griffin blackwood
Great job!
248 Page 1 2 3 4 11 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service