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12/5/2017 c2 S.M.U.D.G.U.D
hey wait, due to the fact that aura is armor and there seemingly aren't mecha-shift weapons, then wouldn't weapons like warhammers be the most efficient weapons*?
(I don't know about aura in this AU).

(constructive criticism)

*The Bec De Corbin, I mean, no offence, but the analogy of a warhammers and a pickaxe is really not a good one as many warhammers already have pointed tips for armor (maybe aura) and as such I feel this addition is b
ased more on world-building and showing knowledge of weapons than actually meaningful.

great so far though, keep it up!
11/26/2017 c2 sertry
11/11/2017 c2 gdvp111
Interesting premise, though I do kind of find the world building odd. The fight scenes were pretty good, though I'd wished there had been a bit more focus on the bog infantry seeing the questions I have about them.

Armour seems to be somewhat inconsistent in that Jaune with his mail and shield seems to be getting off better than the armoured men-at-arms. Could just be a perspective thing, admittedly. Shields are also an interesting choice of weaponry for the average soldier when pikes or polearms would make more sense. When the enemy’s armour gets too good you see the shieldwall fade into the background very quickly. I disagree with the huntresses’ opinion on armour, but I can see why they don’t wear armour, though I hope Jaune won’t go down that route and try and get himself some decent stuff sooner rather than later. His first fight will stick with him, that’s for sure.

As for the aura debate, I suppose it depends on the era. If this is the advent of the bastard-feudalism phase, then retainers should probably get aura too, not just the elite guards of some of the nobility. Also, while the justification might make sense for aura not being more widespread at first glance, I think the royals of the world would have had to come together and agree this, which I don’t see happening. As controversial as it may be, a religious justification (the Church was so very powerful in that era) might be better? The church was definitely crucial to holding up and legitimising the existing establishment at times.

Ultimately, all it takes is one unruly, desperate nobleman to be given the choice between utter destruction and a fool’s hope at victory and giving all of his men aura, and the cat’s out of the bag. There is nothing to stop him if everything he has is at stake. Alternatively, the disgruntled nobles will try poisoning the monarch until they get one who will allow them more privileges.

It might make more sense for the entirety of the knightly class to have aura as a consequence, rather than restricting it to the magnates and the rich. Clothe it in part of the knighting ceremony, for instance. The knights were the lords’ thugs prior before becoming a purposeful institution, and they’re a force to be reckoned with. Take away their privilege of being the best killers in the realm – letting even puny merchants have aura?! – and you end up with a mess (the knights killing all of your peasants). At the very least the knights should be able to afford it on their own, since they are landowners. Besides, the knights will naturally clash with the up-and-coming hunter class, and that goes back to the point about unruly noblemen.

The armoured man-at-arms was the tank of the battlefield, making him impotent through the ineffectiveness of armour or lack of aura directly affects the feudal system and the dynamics of the medieval world. This is somewhat re-treading the issues I’ve brought up in Jupiter, but here the ideal mode of combat is probably horse archery, since armour seems to do very little? At the very least if knights can’t get aura then the very least they should get is dust-enhanced armour – even better than the hardened plates of the late middle ages – to give them survivability on the battlefield. In the medieval era your semi-professional soldier’s first purchases were going to be armour. Here the first purchase would probably be a horse to get away from the Grimm…

One parallel I might draw with the real world was that as time progressed soon the majority of the professional soldiers had become quasi-knights: knights in all but name. That came from improvements in technology and population. Men directly fighting for money rather than as part of feudal dues. Surely aura would also go the same way?

I like the superstition given towards the hunters from Jaune in the first chapter; as a consequence of the aura thing and given the lower quality of education and media at the time perhaps they should also be viewed as portents of doom? Veritable Jonahs? Some conflict between Jaune and the huntresses would be inevitable, I think. I imagine all non-hunters would have issue with them: they’re never here when you want to, and when they’re here, bad things will happen; they’re highly secretive, and sing of being neutral when thousands still die by their inaction. The kings are restrained by the nobles who are bound by the merchant class by their debts, yet who controls the hunters?

While I do like the way the girls are written thus far, they seem a bit too... off from the situation they’re in. Pyrrha’s still overly-competitive, which is correct, yet she apparently was allowed to go and smack auraless knights and men-at-arms in the tournaments and have no qualms about it. Ruby’s weapon-nerd-ness seems a little odd since it’s a medieval battlefield with very little uniformity. A bec-de-corbin is simply a war hammer on a long shaft, it’s nothing special. If anything, she should probably be geeking off at the maker’s marks on dead knights’ armours…

Be interesting to see how this goes.
11/11/2017 c2 Guest
poor zwei he has been turned into a horse lol
11/11/2017 c2 Engineer1869
Nice bit of world building, although it raises some ugly implications. Mainly sending in knights without aura to fight an army of grimm with medieval weaponry is basically designating them as expendable fodder. In your other story Jupiter, the regular soldiers at least had machine guns, armored vehicles, artillery, aircraft, radios, and other modern devices that compensated for their lack of aura.
I not sure exactly how Jaune would react to learning about aura and hunters, but given his background and personality, I think he would be very unhappy about situation in regards to his fellow soldiers. This just my personal opinion but I think that it could create some interesting drama for the story.

I look forward to the next chapter.
Keep up the good work.
11/11/2017 c2 Lloyd RPGFan
This story has a lot of potential. I can't wait to see where this is going. I imagine that since everyone else is fighting in pairs that Pyrrha will volunteer to take Jaune under her wing. If that is the case, I have a suggestion: Jaune was born into a lower class family and the revelation about Aura and the fact that most people are deliberately kept in the dark about it will probably tick him off, making things tense between him and Pyrrha should she tell him about her own origins. See where this is going? ;)

Anyway, good luck with the next chapter.
11/10/2017 c1 Engineer1869
A good start to the series.
I have enjoyed reading your other story Jupiter and I look forward to reading this.
Keep up the good work.
11/5/2017 c1 Lloyd RPGFan
Not a bad start. ;)
11/5/2017 c1 S.M.U.D.G.U.D
fukin great man
11/5/2017 c1 Guest
I neeeeeeeeddddd more of this like right now
11/4/2017 c1 Spangle Jenks
Ok I freaking love this already! Absolutely can’t wait to see what the next chapters holds!
11/4/2017 c1 Guest
Your writing is awesome.
11/4/2017 c1 Guest
This story has an awesome first chapter. The world of Remnant fits perfectly into a medieval setting, and that battle scene was excellent. I can't wait to see where this goes!

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