for Fate Overlord (Discontinued)1/3/2019 c24 sonic
I liked the chapter!
I liked the chapter!
1/3/2019 c25 Guest
Fuck ngget
Fuck ngget
1/3/2019 c25 FrancoisDuComte
well, i only read this story just now and luckily managed to finish this in an hour... i was really tempted to comment on every chapter but i guess that would make me a really, really, really annoying person
so anyways..
writing style-wise, your work is good and the over all flow of the story is smooth if albeit it is (i feel) skirting too close to copy pasting the canon material
the genderbending of some characters as well as minimizing the deaths were both a refreshing twist since most of overlord fics (for some reason) try really hard at sticking to canon (like wtf people the source material has fuck ass huge holes to fill so ainz wont kill you, probably, if you took some liberties)
the inappropriate? misplaced? words here and there must have been a result of faulty auto correct system so maybe you should consider getting a beta for this story but i think it's okay since those can easily be understood since the context where they are used in were quite clear
as for characterization... well, i, for one, admittedly had a really hard time at grasping the character of this shirou... i don't think it was too OOC since from what i've seen in the VN and the UBW anime, shirou actually has the potential to be this kind of person... i just felt like it was too AU-ish? so let's just say that since there was no AU tag, my mind wasn't prepared and has just defaulted? to UBW shirou and it did cut off half the fun of reading this so yeah i'll try to re-read this in a couple weeks just to view it knowing that the shirou here is a mix of UBW shirou and HF shirou
(sorry if i'm rambling but one of my new year's resolution is to be more open about my opinions)
continuing on...
i think, considering the events in the story, you should've just gone with a no nazarick AU as in this story, the existence of nazarick is next to pointless as with the current power level of chaldea, shirou would just crush them a hundred times over even with WCIs, the rubedo and the eight floor inhabitants at their side... what's nazarick purpose in this story? they'd make a pretty lame endboss if that's what your planning considering how broken shirou is in this story
for one, there is not much interaction between nazarick and chaldea even if shirou already knew of them after the capture of shalltear and the pleiades... one would think that shirou would start a crack down on nazarick if only for the purpose of stopping them from producing dead apostles or finding out their intentions or maybe linking them with zuranon... also, in canon, ainz wanted to spread the name of the guild as it was supposedly so well known throughout the player base that any yggdrasil player would immediately know what ainz ooal gown means (but i guess it's okay since this isn't canon), so the moment shirou read ainz ooal gown, a rough idea of who he was dealing with would've already formed in his mind... on another point, is shirou subconsciously affected by the wide bias against non-human players?
also, in the battle at the graveyard, ainz didn't have a reason to be there in the first place as nfirea didn't hire him and he wouldn't have known of the undead ritual (well, maybe one can say that he has sensed a large gathering of undead energies or something but that's besides my point) remember that e-rantel is supposedly a large fortress city that was built to withstand prolonged seiges and as a rallying point of the kingdom and that it was built with three sections and that in large enough areas, information travels really slowly so there was a big chance that ainz wasn't in or already has left the area during the undead incident... also, ainz just stays in the inn or in nazarick whenever he isn't on a quest and (this is a great leap of logic for me so forgive me for not remembering things correctly)... in that arc also, didn't shirou sensed ainz thru his magical nose? i believe he's leagues above the common rabble that passes for an undead in this story so shouldn't shirou smelled ainz's power from afar since they're both level 100? ainz wouldn't wear his fancy power cockblock ring coz he only did that when he learned that ninya's master can see magical potential, such meeting didn't occur here so prolly ainz is still walking around unintentionally announcing himself as a super magic caster
something which also bothered me is that shirou never actively sought out fellow players to help them integrate into the new world since as a hero of justice, i'd think he would help out other players since getting transported to another world isn't really healthy for the mind... and that the fate of the lizardmen is unknown... did the nazarick crew build their forward base in the tob forest? i imagine that most canon events never happened and all i can imagine is the nazarick crew cowering behind their walls since the snippets you have shown of them weren't actually conclusive (for me at least, im kinda dumb btw)... lastly, momon and nabe should still be a copper plate sin
well, i only read this story just now and luckily managed to finish this in an hour... i was really tempted to comment on every chapter but i guess that would make me a really, really, really annoying person
so anyways..
writing style-wise, your work is good and the over all flow of the story is smooth if albeit it is (i feel) skirting too close to copy pasting the canon material
the genderbending of some characters as well as minimizing the deaths were both a refreshing twist since most of overlord fics (for some reason) try really hard at sticking to canon (like wtf people the source material has fuck ass huge holes to fill so ainz wont kill you, probably, if you took some liberties)
the inappropriate? misplaced? words here and there must have been a result of faulty auto correct system so maybe you should consider getting a beta for this story but i think it's okay since those can easily be understood since the context where they are used in were quite clear
as for characterization... well, i, for one, admittedly had a really hard time at grasping the character of this shirou... i don't think it was too OOC since from what i've seen in the VN and the UBW anime, shirou actually has the potential to be this kind of person... i just felt like it was too AU-ish? so let's just say that since there was no AU tag, my mind wasn't prepared and has just defaulted? to UBW shirou and it did cut off half the fun of reading this so yeah i'll try to re-read this in a couple weeks just to view it knowing that the shirou here is a mix of UBW shirou and HF shirou
(sorry if i'm rambling but one of my new year's resolution is to be more open about my opinions)
continuing on...
i think, considering the events in the story, you should've just gone with a no nazarick AU as in this story, the existence of nazarick is next to pointless as with the current power level of chaldea, shirou would just crush them a hundred times over even with WCIs, the rubedo and the eight floor inhabitants at their side... what's nazarick purpose in this story? they'd make a pretty lame endboss if that's what your planning considering how broken shirou is in this story
for one, there is not much interaction between nazarick and chaldea even if shirou already knew of them after the capture of shalltear and the pleiades... one would think that shirou would start a crack down on nazarick if only for the purpose of stopping them from producing dead apostles or finding out their intentions or maybe linking them with zuranon... also, in canon, ainz wanted to spread the name of the guild as it was supposedly so well known throughout the player base that any yggdrasil player would immediately know what ainz ooal gown means (but i guess it's okay since this isn't canon), so the moment shirou read ainz ooal gown, a rough idea of who he was dealing with would've already formed in his mind... on another point, is shirou subconsciously affected by the wide bias against non-human players?
also, in the battle at the graveyard, ainz didn't have a reason to be there in the first place as nfirea didn't hire him and he wouldn't have known of the undead ritual (well, maybe one can say that he has sensed a large gathering of undead energies or something but that's besides my point) remember that e-rantel is supposedly a large fortress city that was built to withstand prolonged seiges and as a rallying point of the kingdom and that it was built with three sections and that in large enough areas, information travels really slowly so there was a big chance that ainz wasn't in or already has left the area during the undead incident... also, ainz just stays in the inn or in nazarick whenever he isn't on a quest and (this is a great leap of logic for me so forgive me for not remembering things correctly)... in that arc also, didn't shirou sensed ainz thru his magical nose? i believe he's leagues above the common rabble that passes for an undead in this story so shouldn't shirou smelled ainz's power from afar since they're both level 100? ainz wouldn't wear his fancy power cockblock ring coz he only did that when he learned that ninya's master can see magical potential, such meeting didn't occur here so prolly ainz is still walking around unintentionally announcing himself as a super magic caster
something which also bothered me is that shirou never actively sought out fellow players to help them integrate into the new world since as a hero of justice, i'd think he would help out other players since getting transported to another world isn't really healthy for the mind... and that the fate of the lizardmen is unknown... did the nazarick crew build their forward base in the tob forest? i imagine that most canon events never happened and all i can imagine is the nazarick crew cowering behind their walls since the snippets you have shown of them weren't actually conclusive (for me at least, im kinda dumb btw)... lastly, momon and nabe should still be a copper plate sin