9/26/2018 c1 2NobleBoss
Interesting. I’ve been reading Parcasius’ Crossover and gained interest in this mix up. Then I found your story! Seems good!

9/19/2018 c23 Kayen1024
I'm there was a lot of grammatical errors but aside from that it was a good chapter. I wish it was a little longer though and had a bit more info on what Shirou's been up to.

9/16/2018 c1 Imperial Lord
One chapter in and I'm already hooked! Very good!

9/10/2018 c23 Guest
It was disgusting listening to the nobles and the shitty prince dialogue.

9/12/2018 c21 KuroHinata
ego is running the show

9/12/2018 c10 KuroHinata
I am so effing confuse. Is shirou male or female in this story?
Her/She means female and between Shirou and Clementine I don't if you refer to S or C because you keep referring to 'her' or is it Shirou?

9/11/2018 c23 Super98
Nice chapter, one critique I have is that I believe you are understating Shirou's hero complex. I feel like with the Carne battle he would've appeared on the battlefield immediately and tried diplomacy which might have succeeded. Shirou simply must help others regardless of logic, reason, etc.

This is how I think the battle should have played out. The 50,000 army appears and demands Carne surrender. The Carne people start getting scared until Shirou shows up to negotiate with the prince. Shirou would do anything to prevent the loss of life so he would either enter an alliance, scare of the prince with a large attack, or challenge the strongest fighter to a 1v1.

Whenever a life is put in danger Shirou would throw himself into harm's way to try and save said life. I feel like you are kind of ignoring that aspect of his character. These past few chapters I kept expecting Shirou to pop up and save the day, instead he is hiding in Chaldea and leaving the villagers to fend for themselves under the pretext of toughening them up or removing the "Shirou is a God" thought from their minds. If anything his lack of action will cause the villagers to resent Shirou for abandoning them.

Shirou needs a link to humanity to prevent him from becoming EMIYA. For this story, I thought Carne was that link. But this latest arc is showing me that they are just a cog in Chaldea's machine. Chaldea is becoming Shirou's Nazarick which means Shirou is becoming an "Overlord" much like Ainz. This is doable and would be very interesting to see, but Shirou isn't really a planner, he is a doer. If Shirou was running Chaldea, I think he would be using them to save lives via helping the commoners of the Re-Estize Kingdom. He wouldn't care about secrecy as their is no Clocktower and he doesn't know about Nazarick.

I disagree with the statement that Shirou could be killed by Enri's army of 5000 because he has his Reality Marble and the raw power of his avatar to back it up. He can now rain down weapons Gilgamesh style so any army would be toast aside from maybe Nazarick. The only enemies that pose a threat to Shirou and Chaldea would be Ainz, Nazarick, and any manga villains we have yet to see in the new world

Summary: Shirou has a compulsion to save lives which he isn't really showing in your story. Shirou doesn't hide in the shadows when people are in need of saving. Shirou isn't an Overlord like Ainz. Shirou needs a link to humanity to prevent EMIYA, he has Saber now so that's ok. Shirou is a lot more powerful than anything else except the heroic spirits, Nazarick, and Ainz.

That was a lot longer than I set out to do, I really like your story. You asked for a detailed critique though so this is my input. Keep up the good work, can't wait to see what happens next!