for Fate Overlord (Discontinued)7/8/2019 c25 Thestorm4
Sasuga Shirou-sama , I mean Ainz-sama lol, I swear if we don't have a happy ending then I will cry ;-; , I wonder what Heroic Spirits Shirou summoned in chapter 22... anyways I hope you'll update soon
Sasuga Shirou-sama , I mean Ainz-sama lol, I swear if we don't have a happy ending then I will cry ;-; , I wonder what Heroic Spirits Shirou summoned in chapter 22... anyways I hope you'll update soon
6/28/2019 c12 Hoang
i see a lot of typo and flawed used of gender when you referring to the main character
i see a lot of typo and flawed used of gender when you referring to the main character
5/2/2019 c22 Timeraliso
Your writing quality has steadily declined since the beginning of this story,why is that? I‘m not saying that it’s horrible but the beginning was just better.
I hope your next story will stay as high in quality as the beginning of this one was. Have a nice day
Your writing quality has steadily declined since the beginning of this story,why is that? I‘m not saying that it’s horrible but the beginning was just better.
I hope your next story will stay as high in quality as the beginning of this one was. Have a nice day
4/15/2019 c10 
3Kitsune Obsessed Freak
OMFG. You really need to learn what words are supposed to go where. And quit calling shirou "she" or "her" when you already said he's a guy... I'm not trying to be an ass, but that's really annoying. If your story wasn't as creative as it is, I would have given up a long time ago. Fuck it, do you need a beta? I'll gladly volunteer just so I can see this story fixed up and help you perfect it. Send me a pm!
3Kitsune Obsessed FreakOMFG. You really need to learn what words are supposed to go where. And quit calling shirou "she" or "her" when you already said he's a guy... I'm not trying to be an ass, but that's really annoying. If your story wasn't as creative as it is, I would have given up a long time ago. Fuck it, do you need a beta? I'll gladly volunteer just so I can see this story fixed up and help you perfect it. Send me a pm!
4/15/2019 c5 Kitsune Obsessed Freak
Your grammar is horrible... The story is good enough that I'll continue for now, but it's really bugging me. Please get a beta in the future.
Your grammar is horrible... The story is good enough that I'll continue for now, but it's really bugging me. Please get a beta in the future.
3/17/2019 c25 Guest
Is this getting updated? I ask because the author deleted the companion story to this one... That is actually one of the more fustrating things about this author works, as this is not the first time I've started following a story of this author I liked but it was decided for some random reason to remove... a Fate/Stay Night and Sekirei this author had comes immediately to mind, with a Shiro/Uzume setup (still would not mind seeing that reappear and be continued).
Is this getting updated? I ask because the author deleted the companion story to this one... That is actually one of the more fustrating things about this author works, as this is not the first time I've started following a story of this author I liked but it was decided for some random reason to remove... a Fate/Stay Night and Sekirei this author had comes immediately to mind, with a Shiro/Uzume setup (still would not mind seeing that reappear and be continued).
3/14/2019 c25 Guest
when will you update this fanfic
when will you update this fanfic
2/17/2019 c11 toshirokira
You have a decent plot here, but why do you keep making Shirou blab on and on during fights. First of all, the most unique thing about Shirou is that he almost doesn't have any sense of self worth, this makes him not have much pride in his skills to brag about them. Secondly, both Krititsugu and Archer were extremely efficient fighters, and they considered speaking mid battle to be a waste of time. Thus seeing as he was raised by the Magus Killer and learned most of his skills through the bleeding effect from fighting with Archer, even if he has changed and is starting to take some pride in himself, it seems absurd that Shirou keeps smirking every time there is a fight and is really eager to mince words with his opponents to the point that he is in fact giving up information about his abilities.
Phew! I really had to get that of my chest. I am really enjoying the story so far, but I had been getting really hung up on the large deviations in Shirou's character.
Looking forward to catching up with the current updates.
You have a decent plot here, but why do you keep making Shirou blab on and on during fights. First of all, the most unique thing about Shirou is that he almost doesn't have any sense of self worth, this makes him not have much pride in his skills to brag about them. Secondly, both Krititsugu and Archer were extremely efficient fighters, and they considered speaking mid battle to be a waste of time. Thus seeing as he was raised by the Magus Killer and learned most of his skills through the bleeding effect from fighting with Archer, even if he has changed and is starting to take some pride in himself, it seems absurd that Shirou keeps smirking every time there is a fight and is really eager to mince words with his opponents to the point that he is in fact giving up information about his abilities.
Phew! I really had to get that of my chest. I am really enjoying the story so far, but I had been getting really hung up on the large deviations in Shirou's character.
Looking forward to catching up with the current updates.
2/14/2019 c3 1Woggie
"No, I had made the right decision at that time. The innocents who cannot defend themselves come first. I needed to check on them to make sure that they were safe. Gazef and his troops knew that it was their duty to protect the villagers and had willingly went to battle in hopes to draw the mages away from the villagers. Shirou mentally reminded himself."
Of course~! Babysitting the villagers as they flee, on the off chance that they might - possibly - be attacked, is far more important than protecting the lives of people you know for certain are definitely currently being attacked. It's not like killing the attackers would be able to protect both. /s
This is what is called being a dumbass.
1Woggie"No, I had made the right decision at that time. The innocents who cannot defend themselves come first. I needed to check on them to make sure that they were safe. Gazef and his troops knew that it was their duty to protect the villagers and had willingly went to battle in hopes to draw the mages away from the villagers. Shirou mentally reminded himself."
Of course~! Babysitting the villagers as they flee, on the off chance that they might - possibly - be attacked, is far more important than protecting the lives of people you know for certain are definitely currently being attacked. It's not like killing the attackers would be able to protect both. /s
This is what is called being a dumbass.
2/3/2019 c15 Archleone
You have a bad habit of mentioning something, then not describing it or skipping over any real information about it. For example, you ended one chapter with Shirou finding that one guy-turned-girl with the missing eyes, and the next chapter took place days later with Shirou "punishing" Clementine, but there was no mention of what happened with the other character who was the entire reason why Shirou was at that cemetery in the first place.
Shirou gave Clementine an outfit to wear in this chapter, but you didn't bother describing it or at least mentioning what kind of outfit it was.
You have Clementine referred to as a "father" embracing "her child". You mean "mother".
This writing is very lazy. Are you not a native English speaker? There's a lot of really irritating errors, inconsistencies, and other annoying errors that would be easy to avoid if you have a firm grasp on the language.
There's also some outright continuity errors, such as Shirou summoning Gae Bolg at the end of one chapter, but the next chapter has him doing all this other stuff and then summoning Gae Bolg again as if he hadn't already summoned it at the end of the previous chapter.
I keep wondering why I recognize this account and why I have a negative opinion on your writing, but then I read one of your stories and realize it's because your writing is just awkward, inconsistent, and never seems to improve to any significant degree. This is probably one of your better stories, but then you have to consider that Shirou is super OOC and does things that Shirou would typically never do (like forcing all these people to be his minions, saying "fuck", etc.), and the biggest issues you have are still not fixed. You absolutely need someone to edit your writing because it's clear that you can't see the glaring issues for yourself.
You have a bad habit of mentioning something, then not describing it or skipping over any real information about it. For example, you ended one chapter with Shirou finding that one guy-turned-girl with the missing eyes, and the next chapter took place days later with Shirou "punishing" Clementine, but there was no mention of what happened with the other character who was the entire reason why Shirou was at that cemetery in the first place.
Shirou gave Clementine an outfit to wear in this chapter, but you didn't bother describing it or at least mentioning what kind of outfit it was.
You have Clementine referred to as a "father" embracing "her child". You mean "mother".
This writing is very lazy. Are you not a native English speaker? There's a lot of really irritating errors, inconsistencies, and other annoying errors that would be easy to avoid if you have a firm grasp on the language.
There's also some outright continuity errors, such as Shirou summoning Gae Bolg at the end of one chapter, but the next chapter has him doing all this other stuff and then summoning Gae Bolg again as if he hadn't already summoned it at the end of the previous chapter.
I keep wondering why I recognize this account and why I have a negative opinion on your writing, but then I read one of your stories and realize it's because your writing is just awkward, inconsistent, and never seems to improve to any significant degree. This is probably one of your better stories, but then you have to consider that Shirou is super OOC and does things that Shirou would typically never do (like forcing all these people to be his minions, saying "fuck", etc.), and the biggest issues you have are still not fixed. You absolutely need someone to edit your writing because it's clear that you can't see the glaring issues for yourself.