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for Amelia - the beginning

12/2/2017 c1 2Optyions
Good job! this story has potential continue your good work
11/23/2017 c1 3LWShogunate
Great so far, can't wait for the next chapter!
11/13/2017 c1 Bobjeff
I like it
11/12/2017 c1 5ShinKir0
This was pretty interesting, to say the least. Personally, I find fics with OC siblings of Lelouch quite interesting so you won me over quickly. Amelia's character so far is interesting, though she is kind of a headache to understand (Make up your mind what type of person you're gonna be girl! XD) I mean, she's nice with people and then bam she's as bland as a tree. I'd like to see where you take her as a character and personality, because she has a lot of room for growth. It was interesting that she has already formed connections with some of the Knights of the Round. Not to offend you or anything of the sort, but the way I imagine her appearance right now in my head is the same as one of those genderbent Lelouch pictures all over the net (hope she has long hair), so I don't know if that was what you were aiming for, but its fine either way (now I'm wondering if she's going to be as 'gifted' as her mother was in some areas, if you know what I mean :D).
Suzaku came across as a prick, which is fine, considering that this was before the invasion. Lelouch and Nunally, on the other hand, especially Lelouch, seemed to be lacking in the pressence department, but I guess that was to be expected, since it is clearly stated that Amelia is not fond of her siblings and it makes sense that she doesn't spend a lot of time with them.
As for your writing it was ok for the most part, though when narrating always write in past tense, no matter the point of view you're writing from, except if its a flashback scene or a retelling of the past where "would" plus verb is the more appropriate variant, though its fine if its past tense all over. (English's not my first language either, so I'm not sure if my tips are really helpful, though as a fellow fanfic writer I'm sharing what I've come to learn is a good style of writing, or at least gets a passing grade XD) It would be nice to add just a little more detail to the background, so the reader can imagine where the event is taking place. Also, when writing thoughts, try using a different style, like italics for instance (at least that's what I personally use, you don't have to if you don't fancy it), because it was hard at times to distinguish Amelia and other character's thoughts, considering that you wrote them in between the dialogue.
Anyway, the story is off to an interesting start. I am looking forward to more and I hope my tips were helpful.

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