for The Ninja Overlord Part 1: Rise of an Overlord!11/19/2017 c1 sudhush
Nicely done chapter and good start of the plot. can't wait for the Main story plot to start. until next chapter then Adios..
Nicely done chapter and good start of the plot. can't wait for the Main story plot to start. until next chapter then Adios..
11/19/2017 c1 
6JxA fan 2000
I would like Samui and Yugito in the harem. For Yugito, you can have her do like Bee did to escape Taka as the Nibi offers one of her tails to escape the Immortal duo of Hidan and Kakazu. Deciding to lay low until Akatski is defeated for good until Naruto finds her by chance.
6JxA fan 2000I would like Samui and Yugito in the harem. For Yugito, you can have her do like Bee did to escape Taka as the Nibi offers one of her tails to escape the Immortal duo of Hidan and Kakazu. Deciding to lay low until Akatski is defeated for good until Naruto finds her by chance.
11/19/2017 c1 5Kal Shaka Mel
Nice to see you branching out to new fandoms. I look forward to how this goes. Naruto is a fandom I'm a touch more knowledgeable in than Fairy Tail, so this should be fun.
Rin has always been a favorite character from the past for me, and I've had an idea for her survival in my head for a long time.
The Sanbi no KyodaigameThree-Tailed Giant Turtle) is, well, a turtle, so I would think its primary abilities would be defense. So, after Kakashi sticks his chidori in her (kind of a dick move), the Sanbi's defense would begin healing her, but she would still appear dead for at least a few hours. Then, when she wakes up alone, she wanders off, having suffered amnesia from the trauma of becoming a jinchuriki, being almost killed by her teammate and crush, and healing from said near death. She is then found by Mei Terumi who reraises her before eventually creating her rebellion against the Mizukage, Yagura.
Now, it is known by Naruto fans that Yagura is also the Jinchuriki of the Sanbi, but I have a solution to that as well. When Minato sealed Kurama into Naruto, he split the Kyuubi in half, sealing the Yang (the physical side of chakra) half into Naruto, and sealing the Yin (the spiritual side) half into himself to be devoured by the Shinigami. So my idea is that someone did something similar to the Sanbi, so that Run gets the Yin half and Yagura gets the Yang half.
These are just my thoughts, though.
Now, Naruto's harem? I definitely would like Haku in there (he's a damn trap in the show, so obviously make him a her here), where she survives the fight in wave; Hinata and Hanabi Hyuuga (maybe even their nameless mother, who I call HitomiTenten Higurashi (she's a younger, less busty Chun-Li, how can you not?Anko Miterashi; Kurenai Yuhi (NTR Asuma SarutobiYugao Uzuki; Mikoto Uchiha (Sasugay's sexy mother), where she is also spared by Itachi; Mei Terumi; Tsunade Senju (the Legendary Sucker XDShizune; Tsume and Hana Inuzuka (Kiba's sexy mom and sisterIno Yamanaka; Shion from the Land of Demons; Princess Koyuki from the Land of Snow/Spring; and (maybe) Sakura Haruno.
That's what I could think of in one sitting. Hope you like my thoughts, and looking forward to the next chapter.
~KSM
5Kal Shaka MelNice to see you branching out to new fandoms. I look forward to how this goes. Naruto is a fandom I'm a touch more knowledgeable in than Fairy Tail, so this should be fun.
Rin has always been a favorite character from the past for me, and I've had an idea for her survival in my head for a long time.
The Sanbi no KyodaigameThree-Tailed Giant Turtle) is, well, a turtle, so I would think its primary abilities would be defense. So, after Kakashi sticks his chidori in her (kind of a dick move), the Sanbi's defense would begin healing her, but she would still appear dead for at least a few hours. Then, when she wakes up alone, she wanders off, having suffered amnesia from the trauma of becoming a jinchuriki, being almost killed by her teammate and crush, and healing from said near death. She is then found by Mei Terumi who reraises her before eventually creating her rebellion against the Mizukage, Yagura.
Now, it is known by Naruto fans that Yagura is also the Jinchuriki of the Sanbi, but I have a solution to that as well. When Minato sealed Kurama into Naruto, he split the Kyuubi in half, sealing the Yang (the physical side of chakra) half into Naruto, and sealing the Yin (the spiritual side) half into himself to be devoured by the Shinigami. So my idea is that someone did something similar to the Sanbi, so that Run gets the Yin half and Yagura gets the Yang half.
These are just my thoughts, though.
Now, Naruto's harem? I definitely would like Haku in there (he's a damn trap in the show, so obviously make him a her here), where she survives the fight in wave; Hinata and Hanabi Hyuuga (maybe even their nameless mother, who I call HitomiTenten Higurashi (she's a younger, less busty Chun-Li, how can you not?Anko Miterashi; Kurenai Yuhi (NTR Asuma SarutobiYugao Uzuki; Mikoto Uchiha (Sasugay's sexy mother), where she is also spared by Itachi; Mei Terumi; Tsunade Senju (the Legendary Sucker XDShizune; Tsume and Hana Inuzuka (Kiba's sexy mom and sisterIno Yamanaka; Shion from the Land of Demons; Princess Koyuki from the Land of Snow/Spring; and (maybe) Sakura Haruno.
That's what I could think of in one sitting. Hope you like my thoughts, and looking forward to the next chapter.
~KSM
11/19/2017 c1 Guest
Tecniques related to sex? Bayonetta special attacks are the only ones that I can suggest you
Tecniques related to sex? Bayonetta special attacks are the only ones that I can suggest you
11/19/2017 c1 btrueblood
Long time fan of yours. Nice start in a new fandom.
Depending on how old you want the harem members to be, I like the Inuzuka women (Tsume; Kiba's mother ~34 or ~38(don't remember whichat the start of cannon, and Hana; Kiba's sister ~18 at the start of cannon). Ino YamanakaHinata Hyuga are my preferred from his class, while Tenten is nice for the age group. As a later addition, due to age considerations, Hanabi Hyuga, Henata's younger sister, ~7 at cannon start, but like I said a lot of time would need to pass. Anko Mitarashi is a good way to introduce bondage if you want. Koren (?) the female paper user from Akatski, could give Naruto a spy within the organization. Yugao (the purple haired Anbu that found Sasuke on the night of the Uchiha Massacre) can bring special combat training to the harem. Tsunade can be interesting, especially if you don't mind 40 year age gaps but she could also act as a den mother for the harem. Temari, Garra's sister is about your Naruto's agecould be brought in pretty easily if you still have the Konoha Crush ark concluded similarly. Kin (the female sound nin that Shikamaru defeats in the prelimsTayuya(?the foul mouthed female of the sound four, Sasuke Retrieval Mission) can both help with the inner workings of Otogakure, if you keep them alive; neither death was foundational for any of the main characters.
A standard in the Naruto Harem Fandom is a gender swapped Haku, but I see Haku's death as foundational for all of team 7.
As for Rin,
I seem to remember Kabuto being able to modify corpses to look like other people, like plastic surgery. Having a medical ninja of a similar ability working with a skilled puppeteer like Kankuro or Sasori could easily fool a young and emotional KakashiObito. This could keep Rin alive as a Jinchuriki.
Long time fan of yours. Nice start in a new fandom.
Depending on how old you want the harem members to be, I like the Inuzuka women (Tsume; Kiba's mother ~34 or ~38(don't remember whichat the start of cannon, and Hana; Kiba's sister ~18 at the start of cannon). Ino YamanakaHinata Hyuga are my preferred from his class, while Tenten is nice for the age group. As a later addition, due to age considerations, Hanabi Hyuga, Henata's younger sister, ~7 at cannon start, but like I said a lot of time would need to pass. Anko Mitarashi is a good way to introduce bondage if you want. Koren (?) the female paper user from Akatski, could give Naruto a spy within the organization. Yugao (the purple haired Anbu that found Sasuke on the night of the Uchiha Massacre) can bring special combat training to the harem. Tsunade can be interesting, especially if you don't mind 40 year age gaps but she could also act as a den mother for the harem. Temari, Garra's sister is about your Naruto's agecould be brought in pretty easily if you still have the Konoha Crush ark concluded similarly. Kin (the female sound nin that Shikamaru defeats in the prelimsTayuya(?the foul mouthed female of the sound four, Sasuke Retrieval Mission) can both help with the inner workings of Otogakure, if you keep them alive; neither death was foundational for any of the main characters.
A standard in the Naruto Harem Fandom is a gender swapped Haku, but I see Haku's death as foundational for all of team 7.
As for Rin,
I seem to remember Kabuto being able to modify corpses to look like other people, like plastic surgery. Having a medical ninja of a similar ability working with a skilled puppeteer like Kankuro or Sasori could easily fool a young and emotional KakashiObito. This could keep Rin alive as a Jinchuriki.
11/19/2017 c1 alpha
1. Will u update frequently?
2. Will kushina and naruko/narumi be in naruto's harem? (Want kushina paired with naruto tbh)
3. Ideas for sex justu:
vibration technique, like make finger vibrate and act like a vibrator.
Electricity on fingertips for electro stimulation to get dick hard or nipple/clit hard
Kage bunshin for dick (double penetration or 2 dicks sucked simultaneously by multiple women) :/ (instead of kage bunshin ganging up) (since there is shuriken kage bunshin etc)
Expansion technique for dick or pussy (like akimichi expansion technique)
A rope jutsu for bondage (shibari)
Thats all i can think of now...
1. Will u update frequently?
2. Will kushina and naruko/narumi be in naruto's harem? (Want kushina paired with naruto tbh)
3. Ideas for sex justu:
vibration technique, like make finger vibrate and act like a vibrator.
Electricity on fingertips for electro stimulation to get dick hard or nipple/clit hard
Kage bunshin for dick (double penetration or 2 dicks sucked simultaneously by multiple women) :/ (instead of kage bunshin ganging up) (since there is shuriken kage bunshin etc)
Expansion technique for dick or pussy (like akimichi expansion technique)
A rope jutsu for bondage (shibari)
Thats all i can think of now...
11/19/2017 c1 PatrickSieben7
Greetings Dragen.
It's interesting to see you writing this; or rather it will be interesting, after we get to the present time (aka when Naruto is the protagonist). I liked your Harry Potter Overlord fanfics and I think, I'm going to enjoy this one as well. :)
Regarding the future harem of Naruto, I would like to see Hinata and Hanabi in there (not just because both are extremly hot, but also because by doing so, Naruto would basically take over the Hyuuga-Clan, which is after all one of the clans in Konoha with the most political influence).Yakumo Kurama would also be an interesting addition. Firstly because she as well is the heir of an old clan and secondly because she knows the feeling of having to deal with a destructive yet powerful beeing inside her. Also I would be glad, if you add Sasame Fuma and Isaribi.
Regarding the question, why Naruto failed the first 2 exams at the academy. I believe it was even stated in the canon Manga/Anime, that it is more difficult for him to control his Chakra, because of Kurama. In another Fanfic I red (Hinata's Darkened Desires by Paladeus) Kurama himself/herself explained that Naruto's Chakra Network had to grow over the years of his childhood to adjust to the power of the Nine-Tailed. By combining this canon fact and this fanmade theory you can just write in your story, that Naruto's Chakra Network was still to underdeveloped to let him properly perform the jutsus the first two years at the academy and only in his third year the Chacra Network was finally developed well enought for him to gain control of his chakra. By the way, I don't have a problem with Naruto beeing 2 years older than the others. In fact, I always felt like him beeing the same age as the rest was a plot hole myself.
Regarding the Sexy Jutsu, I remember reading in another Fanfiction (so again, not canon. I believe it was in the story "A growing Affection"), that Kurama herself developed the Sexy Jutsu and used it when she was still free, to have sex with men and when they did satisfy her, she even let them live. So in that story Naruto didn't really devoleped this Jutsu himself but rather subconsciously learned it from Kurama. Which is an interesting aproache of the subject, I just wanted to present to you.
Other sex-related Jutsus you say... I do remember reading a short comic, that was more a Hentai with a bit of story... I think, it was called "The Hunt" and Naruto kind of marked some girls/women by biting them on the neck, thus making them submissive towards him and unwilling to have sex with any other man. They had a little seal on the neck, where he bit them, which was made of their own blood (that's why he bit them; he needed to draw a bit of blood). I think the seal also invoked their animalistic instincts and made them want to mate with him and bear his children. I thike this seal could work well in your story as well, since it would make sense that Naruto (as a decendent of the Uzumaki clan) could develope such a seal himself; maybe with a little help or inspiration by Kurama.
Regarding your request about Chapters of the Manga, that explain Kushina's time in Konoha, I must admit I am a bit confused. Seeing as how close to the original story your first chapter was, I can only asume that you have already red Chapters 498 to 504, which are the Chapters in which Kushina explains her past to Naruto, so that's the only numbers I can give you. I don't know of any more chapters in the manga/episodes of the Anime, in which their past gets explaind in great detail, nor do I know of any Fanfictions about this.
Well, that should be all for now. I'm looking forward to reading the comming chapters and I will try to give as much constructive feedback as possible. I just hope, you don't make Naruto TOO cunning/TOO powerful too early, as you yourself regretted doing so with Harry in your newest rewrite of Overlord Vulcan, because you "gave" him the Abyss to early on. But other than that, I don't think there is too much that could go wrong with you writing this story. :)
mfg PatrickSieben7
Greetings Dragen.
It's interesting to see you writing this; or rather it will be interesting, after we get to the present time (aka when Naruto is the protagonist). I liked your Harry Potter Overlord fanfics and I think, I'm going to enjoy this one as well. :)
Regarding the future harem of Naruto, I would like to see Hinata and Hanabi in there (not just because both are extremly hot, but also because by doing so, Naruto would basically take over the Hyuuga-Clan, which is after all one of the clans in Konoha with the most political influence).Yakumo Kurama would also be an interesting addition. Firstly because she as well is the heir of an old clan and secondly because she knows the feeling of having to deal with a destructive yet powerful beeing inside her. Also I would be glad, if you add Sasame Fuma and Isaribi.
Regarding the question, why Naruto failed the first 2 exams at the academy. I believe it was even stated in the canon Manga/Anime, that it is more difficult for him to control his Chakra, because of Kurama. In another Fanfic I red (Hinata's Darkened Desires by Paladeus) Kurama himself/herself explained that Naruto's Chakra Network had to grow over the years of his childhood to adjust to the power of the Nine-Tailed. By combining this canon fact and this fanmade theory you can just write in your story, that Naruto's Chakra Network was still to underdeveloped to let him properly perform the jutsus the first two years at the academy and only in his third year the Chacra Network was finally developed well enought for him to gain control of his chakra. By the way, I don't have a problem with Naruto beeing 2 years older than the others. In fact, I always felt like him beeing the same age as the rest was a plot hole myself.
Regarding the Sexy Jutsu, I remember reading in another Fanfiction (so again, not canon. I believe it was in the story "A growing Affection"), that Kurama herself developed the Sexy Jutsu and used it when she was still free, to have sex with men and when they did satisfy her, she even let them live. So in that story Naruto didn't really devoleped this Jutsu himself but rather subconsciously learned it from Kurama. Which is an interesting aproache of the subject, I just wanted to present to you.
Other sex-related Jutsus you say... I do remember reading a short comic, that was more a Hentai with a bit of story... I think, it was called "The Hunt" and Naruto kind of marked some girls/women by biting them on the neck, thus making them submissive towards him and unwilling to have sex with any other man. They had a little seal on the neck, where he bit them, which was made of their own blood (that's why he bit them; he needed to draw a bit of blood). I think the seal also invoked their animalistic instincts and made them want to mate with him and bear his children. I thike this seal could work well in your story as well, since it would make sense that Naruto (as a decendent of the Uzumaki clan) could develope such a seal himself; maybe with a little help or inspiration by Kurama.
Regarding your request about Chapters of the Manga, that explain Kushina's time in Konoha, I must admit I am a bit confused. Seeing as how close to the original story your first chapter was, I can only asume that you have already red Chapters 498 to 504, which are the Chapters in which Kushina explains her past to Naruto, so that's the only numbers I can give you. I don't know of any more chapters in the manga/episodes of the Anime, in which their past gets explaind in great detail, nor do I know of any Fanfictions about this.
Well, that should be all for now. I'm looking forward to reading the comming chapters and I will try to give as much constructive feedback as possible. I just hope, you don't make Naruto TOO cunning/TOO powerful too early, as you yourself regretted doing so with Harry in your newest rewrite of Overlord Vulcan, because you "gave" him the Abyss to early on. But other than that, I don't think there is too much that could go wrong with you writing this story. :)
mfg PatrickSieben7
11/19/2017 c1 Guest
I'm behind sakura harem naruto
I'm behind sakura harem naruto
11/19/2017 c1 1oghren
Interesting start for a new story. An idea for a jutsu could be one that overloads a person's nervous system with pleasureby pushing chakra into them wherever you touch them, and eventually they become addicted and can't live without it. For the harem I would say Anko, Yugao, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, a genderbent Sasuke, and Haku. Mikoto could be left alive by Itachi since she could have been not part of the coup and he didn't want to leave Sasuke completely alone. Haku simply could be kept alive by Naruto capturing her before she saves Zabuza or when she meets Naruto in the clearing. For Rin you could make the one who died be a zetsu clone and Madara took her so they wouldn't have to look for the 3 tailed beast later on.
1oghrenInteresting start for a new story. An idea for a jutsu could be one that overloads a person's nervous system with pleasureby pushing chakra into them wherever you touch them, and eventually they become addicted and can't live without it. For the harem I would say Anko, Yugao, Tsume, Temari, Mikoto, a genderbent Sasuke, and Haku. Mikoto could be left alive by Itachi since she could have been not part of the coup and he didn't want to leave Sasuke completely alone. Haku simply could be kept alive by Naruto capturing her before she saves Zabuza or when she meets Naruto in the clearing. For Rin you could make the one who died be a zetsu clone and Madara took her so they wouldn't have to look for the 3 tailed beast later on.
11/19/2017 c1 darth Queidus
Very good. Dark Naruto is pretty widely known so you will have competition but you are normally different. Still, I would read a few to make sure you don't have some author howling at you about taking their ideas as you could very easily. One is Broken Angel by ILikeFear1-2. Still you are starting from the beginning and that will give your story an important edge. I like that you are going through everything since I haven't watched the show since it is not in descriptive audio for the blind and there is to much noise. Broken Angel and Can Your Friends do this were my first major exposures. Still good job. You'll probably hahve to have Hinata in the harem. Keep it up.
Very good. Dark Naruto is pretty widely known so you will have competition but you are normally different. Still, I would read a few to make sure you don't have some author howling at you about taking their ideas as you could very easily. One is Broken Angel by ILikeFear1-2. Still you are starting from the beginning and that will give your story an important edge. I like that you are going through everything since I haven't watched the show since it is not in descriptive audio for the blind and there is to much noise. Broken Angel and Can Your Friends do this were my first major exposures. Still good job. You'll probably hahve to have Hinata in the harem. Keep it up.
11/19/2017 c1 5jamspectrum1274
Nice job, The Dark Dragen. Unfortunately, I don't have any ideas for Naruto's harem yet, just the obvious ones like Sakura and Hinata. Perhaps Tsunade if you want to bring her in early. As for a jitsu, how about an allure jitsu, loosely based off of what I'm doing for my H.P fanfic. Not sure what to call it, so I'll leave that up to you if you want to try that.
5jamspectrum1274Nice job, The Dark Dragen. Unfortunately, I don't have any ideas for Naruto's harem yet, just the obvious ones like Sakura and Hinata. Perhaps Tsunade if you want to bring her in early. As for a jitsu, how about an allure jitsu, loosely based off of what I'm doing for my H.P fanfic. Not sure what to call it, so I'll leave that up to you if you want to try that.
11/18/2017 c1 redvsblue-1
If you want Rin in the harem you could have Madara and zetsu fake her death to use her against Obito if he ever betrayed them. A few ideas for the women for the harem are Tsunade, Kurenai, Samui, Mikoto, and Tsume.
If you want Rin in the harem you could have Madara and zetsu fake her death to use her against Obito if he ever betrayed them. A few ideas for the women for the harem are Tsunade, Kurenai, Samui, Mikoto, and Tsume.
11/18/2017 c1 SPG
just have the 'Rin' who died be a white Zetsu clone and have the real Rin be in comma somewhere. its a practical excuse in my opinion.
just have the 'Rin' who died be a white Zetsu clone and have the real Rin be in comma somewhere. its a practical excuse in my opinion.
11/18/2017 c1 Guest
Believe what you want about Naruto supposedly being older. But that would also mean that Sasuke is two years older as well, since Kushina saw Mikoto holding a baby Sasuke before she gave birth. So that kind of puts a damper in your calling bull shit on Naruto not taking the exams early.
Now granted it is fanfiction so if you want to say Naruto is older than canon then it is your right to do so. But cannon Naruto was cocky as a student and wanted to graduate as soon as possible, plus it is a possibility that someone that hated him wanted him to fail so pushed him to try to graduate early. But than again you already pointed out this is your version so you can do as you want.
Other than that I wonder how you will take this. Will Kushina live but hate Naruto and blame him for Minato dying? Will she think he is dead and leave the village? Some how be kept from him? With her being listed as alive, but Naruto not having a good life, and hated, for what ever reason she is either not in his life by choice, or force. That or she is in his life but not in a positive way.
Believe what you want about Naruto supposedly being older. But that would also mean that Sasuke is two years older as well, since Kushina saw Mikoto holding a baby Sasuke before she gave birth. So that kind of puts a damper in your calling bull shit on Naruto not taking the exams early.
Now granted it is fanfiction so if you want to say Naruto is older than canon then it is your right to do so. But cannon Naruto was cocky as a student and wanted to graduate as soon as possible, plus it is a possibility that someone that hated him wanted him to fail so pushed him to try to graduate early. But than again you already pointed out this is your version so you can do as you want.
Other than that I wonder how you will take this. Will Kushina live but hate Naruto and blame him for Minato dying? Will she think he is dead and leave the village? Some how be kept from him? With her being listed as alive, but Naruto not having a good life, and hated, for what ever reason she is either not in his life by choice, or force. That or she is in his life but not in a positive way.