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1/21/2018 c60 shugokage
Great job on this chapter!
1/20/2018 c3 Ibskib
The chapters are very short and there's no build-up to them being suddenly interested in eachother.

You might consider the starting moment super important, and the only reasonable gateway to them having a relationship, but it's just contrived and strains the SoD too much.

You are going straight for the money shot, forcing their characters to fit the romantic plot, instead of building up towards it, so that it feels like a natural progression.
Because of the extremely short chapters it doesn't really feel like a full fledged story, but instead like story fragments, tied together.
Aside from the lack of build-up you need A LOT more descriptive text to make it feel immersive, using all the senses. It's very dialogue heavy, with you running into the classic 'telling rather than showing' problem when it comes to the romantic elements.

The fic Walkabouts, among others, managed much better.
1/20/2018 c59 Anon
How to keep Skitter's need for conflict sated?
You could always resort to doing it like the Roman and organize different Games, Quests, Scenarios and gladiatorial combats for Parahumans (either alone or in team, with or without preparation to simulate real life situations) with prize money and gambling permitted for the audience, etc.. in a specially constructed Tinkertech Coliseum. Easy to indulge the shards' need for conflict in a controlled way against varied opponents and in differing venues without loss of life risk while still making money and not disrupting society! Can also be televised for further revenues.

I never did understand why canon!Cauldron didn't push for this manner of fame conflict to mitigate the eventual collapse of society that their plan was going for...
1/20/2018 c59 shugokage
Great job on this chapter!
1/20/2018 c50 Star Iron
This is a really amazing outlook on what I have always considered to be a silly and strange event. Your love for Halloween came through clearly in the writing and I enjoyed it all the more for it.
1/19/2018 c58 shugokage
Nice job on this interesting scene and chapter!
1/18/2018 c57 Tisaku
an attack no where near a theoretical minus six million kelvin.

It is impossible to go into negatives on the Kelven scale. The zero point is the calculated point where all atomic motion stops. Even approaching absolute zero causes physics to start breaking down.
1/18/2018 c56 EAnIL
Thank you for sharing, but for the love that is holy the spelling is Rayearth. Rei in japaness is ghost or zero as oppose to Ray that is light. at the earlier chapters I know you mean the MKR anime but its just off putting as Magic Knight Rayearht and Hikaru is one favorite anime and characters and the very first anime I watch. on another note I really love the SoL atmosphere of your story and looking forward to the next installment.
1/18/2018 c57 Mureena
It is nice to take a break of all the edgelord fics rest of the worm fandom tends to gravitate to and read a chapter from this story. Managed to make me laugh. Kudos for that.
1/17/2018 c52 World Theory
As happy as a tadpole eating a cheeseburger… I'll have to remember that one. :)
1/17/2018 c51 World Theory
I don't think I could manage 30 cans of soda over an entire day. I really don't think I'd WANT 30 cans in a day. I drink diluted orange juice; about one part juice to two parts water. It tastes great. I'm not sure I would even drink 30 cans of water a day, unless it was a very unusual situation, like hiking through Death Valley. (I have no aspirations to go to Death Valley, hike or no.)

I may do well to lay off the mysterious stockpile of leftover Christmas candy, though. (This Christmas season has been disrupted by a lot of things at our house, so I really don't know why we have multiple bags of candy laying around; we don't usually…)
1/17/2018 c40 World Theory
Your author's note… Lol.
1/17/2018 c31 World Theory
Biokinesis is so interesting… I couldn't help but think of a sneaky assassin bug sniper. It could have a chameleon skin effect, and a crossbow dart launcher. And the darts could be seperate bugs. The dart or bolt could be an ultra dense material, acting as a shell, covered in an owl down-feather copy, to make it silent while flying through the air. It would obviously have control surfaces and a targeting eye. It could obviously have any number of payloads, or none at all. It would probably need to be loaded by either the chameleon crossbow, or a more generic bug.

I saw a video somewhere about some neat features found on various organisms. One of them belonging so some kind of very power jumping bug. It's back legs are constantly locked together by biological gears, that serve to ensure that the legs kick out at the same time, because if the timing of the leg muscles was just slightly out of sync, it would tear itself apart due to how powerful the lets are.

I seriously think that Skitter, Pinky, and Tattletale need to go on a vacation to some tropical rainforests some time. Maybe pay someone to research interesting creatures around the world, and compile a list? That's what I'd do in their circumstance. And what about a deep sea bio-submarine? Actually, if one can be made into a bug, and have the relay effect installed, you could just chain them together and have a remote controlled deep sea robot. There are places so deep in the ocean that we still haven't explored them.

Also, I saw a really neat video once about primordial DNA being trapped in the muck and silt on the ocean floor. It's mostly only fragments, but with mass (widescale, not the measurement of mass) analysis to look at every piece of DNA, it's possible to find the pieces of genetic code that match up to the others through statistics. Because even if the DNA in an organism breaks into many pieces, most organisms have a ridiculous number of COPIES of the same DNA, and the DNA won't necessarily break in the same place in the sequence, so the pieces from several copies can overlap, and a picture of the original complete strand can be made.

And just because some critters died out, it doesn't necessarily mean they were unsuccessful forms of life. There were an alarming number of mass extinctions in history, caused by various things, like sudden run away build-ups of Oxygen in the atmosphere, to drastic changes in temperature, to a particular biological adaptation (like teeth) becoming popular. Good thing there's such diversity in the life on earth, so that when most-everything dies out, something else won't be affected as much, and will continue living, and repopulate, and readapt to newly vacant niches, as so, it will diversify again.
1/17/2018 c22 World Theory
Okay… The part about the tucking her head under her chin was really adorable! I am currently smiling.
1/17/2018 c18 World Theory
Omyes!… The world isn't ready for Amy's giant bio-bots, but she don't care, cause here she comes! Evangelions… Heheh…

Also… Is Amy giving you sass? (With the “we could just be a story” thing.)

Anyway… I was trying to think of how to out-do the giant robot idea, but be useful at the same time. And since I've been hearing about the Cthulhu Mythos recently… What if Amy created a Chulhu bio-bot to go hunt down Leviathan. A 1:1 scale Cthulu. He wasn't as big as most of the gods from the Mythos. He wasn't really technically a god, even; he just happened to have a lot of people worshipping him as one mistakenly. Then again… If we want a man-made god, that's also biological… There was an abomination in an anime I watched (Kiba) called something like Deus Ex Machina. Basically a giant monster created through magical science that the world was not ready for. My memories are vague, but I think it basically just absorbed everything near it, and had some generic final boss level energy blasts or something.

Honestly, I doubt you need much help with finding giant creatures to create. If all else fails, there's always Mothra!
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