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11/29/2017 c2 jc
excellent work
11/29/2017 c2 Guest
Good pace and nice plot so far.

Just one request please make sure your Harry and Dumbledore's characters has more than 2-dimension (complicated personalities rather than just good or evil)

It would be great to read a story where Dumbledore is both manipulative and a good mentor, just food for thought.

Other than that good job.

ramsey
11/29/2017 c2 Jojo
Keep up the solid work, no glaring errors, and I delight in seeing a Harry whose progression is realistic, one who will become a powerhouse in his own way, as he has to be to go toe to toe with the others; who learns steadily.
11/29/2017 c1 Urazz
Hadrian Potter? Really? Why do people seem intent on giving Harry that name in fanfiction? His name is Harry. It's not short for Hadrian, Harold, or anything like that.
11/29/2017 c1 Jojo
This is very well written, well done so far. I'm a fan of those who insert quotes in each chapter, as I love discovering new ones. Keep it up.
11/29/2017 c2 Guest
All i can ask is that Hermione is not Harry's friend in this story i never liked her nor Ron or Ginny
11/29/2017 c2 Guest
Very interesting. Ravenclaw Harry actually makes a lot of sense, I like Slytherin but it would probably be a death trap with some of the older kids probably having DE parents and remembering their parents being put away. I also like Gryffindor but his personality doesn't seem to suit the house in this story.

Anyway, I like this story and I think you did a good job in balancing his obvious talent without making him overpowered super kid. Also, it's nice to read a story that doesn't devolve into the cliche of super evil Dumbledore or demonizing certain people-I like that both the Slytherins and Gryffs are shown to be both good and bad.
11/28/2017 c1 Guest
Please make sure your Harry is more rounded(personality and knowledge wise).

Other than that a good start
11/29/2017 c2 TheFishKing
I won't agree with ygrekks but this is a great story.
11/29/2017 c2 Lonewolf of Ravenclaw
The only mistake I noticed “You caught the snitch and won the game for Gryffindor but...”
11/29/2017 c2 i.torino
I like your story. Your version of harry reminds me of Cole from Dragon Age.
11/29/2017 c2 3VICTORY859
Your ability to write in humor that causes the reader to crack a smirk but not bust out laughing is something to admire, gives the story plenty of humor without interrupting the readers pace when reading. Keep up the excellent work looking forward towards more
11/29/2017 c2 4ctc1000
Interesting changes. I assume Harry caught the snitch and won the match for Ravenclaw. I am assuming you put in Gryffindor as a mistake for that sentence.

You are doing well but at a very difficult task. You are trying to make him a combo of somebody who is emotionally stunted and can't really relate to people (almost borderline autistic) and then you have that person read minds (like Phoenix in Marvel Comics.) You are doing it well but it is very hard. So I give you a lot of credit for that. Your point basically is that Harry is extremely damaged from his stay at the Dursleys so this is what we have. I think you should put in something about how hard it is to quell the voices so he doesn't listen to too much.

Second - the whole legimens thing after the troll. What was that? was Snape trying to legimens him and he caught it - if so, why didn't Mcgonagal yell at Snape right then and there. Is it allowed to legimens injured students right in the open? that seems a bit much

Third - on Hermione. I get it - you are emphasizing her bad points, she is too bossy, too pushy etc. That said, I am not sure I like the Daphne reaction to her. Daphne is supposed to be cool and sarcastic - sort of able to put you down without resorting to juvenile behavior. Daphne and Hermione coming to blows over traded insults - that doesn't seem to fit either of them. I would think Daphne could hide her emotions a lot better. I would also think Daphne would realize - ok Harry saved Hermione's life, they are going to be friends. So I would damp down the antagonism. We are not looking for Daphne to be Ron Weasley II.

I enjoyed the duel between Harry and Draco. I liked how Draco's efforts backfired, and how Harry came on top quite easily. I also like the fear it created among the other kids. I think it is accurate but better put than the whole Book 2: Heir of Slytherin hysteria.

Lastly, I think the whole Dumbledore showing him his parents comes off as extremely manipulative and creepy. I don't know if that's the effect you were going for, but that's how it read to me.
11/29/2017 c2 ygrekks
Harry is in Ravenclaw right? Pomfrey told him that he won the game for Gryffindor
11/29/2017 c2 3ObsessedWithHPFanFic
It's great that Harry has so many friends. I see what you were talking about with Harry's using others emotions to help him feel them. Great work and thanks for sharing!
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