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13h c66 Simianpower
Yeah, I'm done with this. I can only take so much of characters being uncharacteristically stupid for the sake of plot. This is a fix-it fic that's trying to stay as close to canon as it possibly can, and that's rather pointless. The only big change happened in the first couple of chapters, and everything else was butterflies from that. That on its own isn't bad, but the butterflies are dumb. Jon and Jaime have no plan, and worse they have no common sense. They're bumbling from one mess of their own making to another, when they have all the information they need NOT to make those messes.

The argument has been made in comments that Jon couldn't be as ruthless as he needs to be because he'd lose Ned's support, and from there the Vale's and Riverlands' support. But he could, and absolutely should, have sat Ned down and asked him point-blank if his precious honor was more important than the survival of their species. Because that's literally what's at stake. Ask him if he'd sacrifice Catelyn, Sansa, Arya, Robb, and so on all for the sake of his honor. Would he personally kill them as the price of remaining above others? All the other mistakes that are made for the sake of plot stem from that one thing, the fear of offending Ned's honor... and how is that any different than canon? How's that different than Jon's prior world, where humanity fell and the first domino to go was Ned, all thanks to his precious honor?

Anyway, wishing that this story were more reasonable hasn't changed it, and I don't like it as it is. The usage of language is excellent, 10/10. The characterizations are very good except for the above, 8/10. But the plot... 4/10? Maybe? And that's enough to make me no longer wish to spend my time reading this. So thanks for posting it, but this is as far as I go. Cheers.
15h c63 Simianpower
Petyr is right. Jon's an idiot. He knows of several active threats, and fails to take decisive action. He should've had Ramsay killed. He should've had Cersei killed. He should've had Baelish killed. He should've had heads delivered to Dorne rather than live prisoners. And he should've executed the Baratheons. Cersei was a psychopath, but at least she knew that you win or you die. Jon leaving his enemies alive just gives them more chances to kill him.

Granted, killing all of them would reduce some of the drama of the story. But that's a Doylist reason, not a Watsonian reason. The characters in the world are fighting for the survival of their species, yet are too squeamish to kill five people who actively endanger the whole world? What idiocy is that?

Not to mention, WHY THE FUCK was he caught flat-footed when they called for trial by combat? He knew that was coming. That was the only way this would end. And yet he seemed to have no idea even AFTER thinking about that result. He has no plan. This chapter was frankly pretty bad, and Jon's choices leading up to here have mostly been pretty stupid. Jon is his own worst enemy, despite knowing the stakes, despite knowing he has to make hard choices. It's irritating as hell because he's smarter than that and the only reason he's not doing the right thing is to foment drama in the story.
5/11 c4 TheRightPrice
So after 15 years Jamie has only gotten back to the level of swordsmanship he was at before losing his hand? WTF? He should be an absolute freak beast with both hands at this point, he should be the absolute greatest swordsman to ever live by now, not just back to pre hand chopping levels.
5/10 c1 TheRightPrice
First big major mistake...Jon Snow is called Aemon Targaryen, first of his name. The problem is that Aemon Targaryen was the name of the no maester at castle black, Jon's relative. So even if Jon was named Aemon in this fanfiction he wouldn't be the "first of his name."
5/10 c60 Simianpower
Catelyn is DAMAGED. Also... apparently she confuses bastards with clones. Those fuckers HAVE to kill their original. It's just part of the magic.
5/10 c57 Simianpower
"I overthrew my best friend for you. My children were bartered away for you!"

Response: "And you're still alive because of me. Robb is still alive because of me. Catelyn is still alive because of me. Sansa is engaged to a good man rather than being tormented by your murderer because of me. Arya is not on the run, alone, at 12 years old because of me. The Stark family has risen to prominence rather than faded into history because of me. Get the fuck over yourself, man!"

I say again, Ned Stark will NEVER be anything but a liability everywhere except a battlefield.
5/10 c55 Simianpower
They're putting a lot of trust in Deus-ex-Machina OC character who showed up out of nowhere. This right here is part of why I'm not a fan of OCs, especially ones with Mary Sue level abilities and/or contacts. Anything they need that they wouldn't be able to do for themselves, he can provide. Coded messages the likes of which have never been heard of before? Sure. Medicine for the poor outside of the maester system? Done. Spies and infiltrators? Obviously. Chemistry/alchemy to defuse bombs? Get right on that. Loyalty? Just part of the service. Aside from being an asshole, he's the perfect minion, and it's too much and too broad to put on one character. I don't believe in this guy existing at all, let alone in the GoT world.

There's nothing wrong with having OCs. Most stories that aren't entirely superficial copies of canon have to. But this kind is grating because it destroys SoD.
5/10 c52 Simianpower
There seems to be an error with the title of this chapter. At the top it's Aemon XV and later Margaery I, but the chapter name in the listing is Aemon XVII - Margaery I. Were the Aemon chapters renumbered at some point?
5/10 c50 Simianpower
Ahh, Captain Friendzone, already trying to make her suspicious of any other man who may enter her circle.
5/10 c49 Simianpower
You're not wrong that Season 8 was a travesty. The entire thing was a clinic on how to destroy a legacy, and I'm not JUST talking about the character arcs. Ugh! But I guess that's why fanfic is a thing, eh? Since GRRM will never finish his books (making more money NOT writing) I guess it's up to others to figure out what to do with the sprawling mess he left.
5/9 c46 Simianpower
This was a little too close to canon. I thought for a brief moment that the story would go crazy and NOT do the standard Mirri Maz Dur crap, but it was rather forcefully dragged back to the canon rails. How disappointing. The main storyline has thrown canon out the window, but this portion just won't let it go.
5/9 c45 Simianpower
Everyone is seeming more and more petulant as the story goes on. Glaring and scowling and glowering is all they seem to do any more. I mean, maybe it's realistic, but it's a bit of a stretch for that to be all everyone does when things are literally all going their way. Jaime in particular just seems like a spoiled brat for the last 5-10 chapters. He was characterized really well for quite a while, but suddenly seems to have changed.
5/9 c96 Lila
Didn't think I'd go back to reading Got fanfiction, but yours I gave a try and I don't regret that. I love this and hope to see where this is going
5/9 c32 Simianpower
There's no way that Ned Stark would ever be anything other than a liability anywhere other than a battlefield. He SUCKS as a leader, even in a backwater like the North.
5/9 c31 Simianpower
The plot kinda frays here a bit. The bit about Jon Arryn "knowing" about Cersei's bastard children just doesn't hold any water when they weren't bastards at all, and there weren't even any rumors or reasons for anyone to think so. Why would Jon be looking into their heritage? Jaime has stayed far away from Cersei's bed for decades. So the justification for the assassination just blew away on plot butterflies, yet still followed canon anyway. I mean, Petyr is a shit-stirrer, and he could certainly have had Lysa poison Jon, but there would have to be a different reason for it to make sense with the rest of the story.
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