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6/3 c4 pdena23
This story is pretty good, Ruby's pessimistic personality as a result of her semblance is interesting, and I like how this story is deviating from canon already.

I personally don't like that Ozpin and Glynda already know about her Semblance (from their knowledge of Summer, and their knowledge of the classes), but that's just a personal preference, and has no bearing on the quality of the story obviously.

A real criticism I will point out though, is that Atalanta sometimes says "thou" when it should be "thee" instead (not in this chapter, in previous chapters). "Thou" is used when "you" is the Subject of the sentence, the one *doing* the action, such as in the sentence "You killed him"; "Thou killed him". "Thee" is used when "you" is the Object of the sentence, the one being affected by the action, such as in the sentence "He hugged you"; "He hugged thee". There was even a reverse of this in the last chapter.

Chapter 2:
- "I shalt slay thou if thou wilt continue to mock me" - "I shalt slay thee if thou..."

Chapter 4:
- "Does thee even know what 'psychoanalyze' means?" - "Does thou even know what 'psychoanalyse' means?"

But honestly it's not a real problem, the story is still readable, it's just me being pedantic. I have nothing else to complain about because everything else is good.
6/30/2021 c5 1Cloy552
...Soooo I wonder if Salem has aura, it sounds like condition B is simple enough, Condition A is just timing, and condition C sounds like Jack can set it up herself.

I wonder if she could get other people to make the dolls for her
6/30/2021 c4 Cloy552
So presumably Summer had the same or at least a similar semblance and that's where Ozpin and Glynda are getting their knowledge.

*opens another tab*
6/30/2021 c3 Cloy552
She already has 8 voices in her head including her own and you want to potentially add another Ozpin?
6/30/2021 c2 Cloy552
Ok I've got like 7 tabs open for references so I should be good.

Kinda surprised she didn't just keep shooting Ozpin down but it's a requirement for the plot to progress I suppose.
6/30/2021 c1 Cloy552
I definitely don't have enough Fate knowledge to read this but who cares it looks fun!

As far as I'm concerned we've got the best Lancer so that's enough. But man, probably really annoying to deal with 7 people arguing in your head with different ethics and reasoning
12/13/2020 c3 Visual Bliss
Wow seriously ruby should just say N O and stop being a pussy and just letting ozpin push her into making 'decisions' that he was going to make happen no matter what
12/13/2020 c2 Visual Bliss
Why make ruby not want to be a huntress when you were basically going to push her towards beacon anyway just feels unbelievably counter productive
12/8/2020 c5 Guest
I just found this lovely story and I am glad that I found it! I started this not really knowing what to expect, but this just shot through my expectations! Kudos! I hope you can find the time to uploas more chapter! I'd love to read more!
5/18/2020 c5 10TheOkWriter
This actually an interesting story.
3/11/2020 c5 AssassinAkame
I just found this amazing story and it is amazing! Please! Please continue it! I know it has been a while but I really wish for the story to continue.

Kudos!
1/31/2020 c4 lucj
hans?
9/4/2019 c5 1dreaddragonknight
Interesting info
9/4/2019 c4 dreaddragonknight
This chapter seems to be totally disconnected from what was written in the previous chapter, from Oz’s knowledge of Ruby to the general passing of the thing. It felt like I was suddenly reading a different story with the same premise
9/4/2019 c3 dreaddragonknight
Well that escalated faster then I expected
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