for All Goes Well I Hope1/5/2018 c1 asighoaighnqllg
The idea's good but I think you need help with the grammar aspect and presentation of the story. Anyways, have you planned the plot, the flow of the story to a certain extent? Many writers fave writer's block due to not planning out properly from the beginning. I hope you plan the fic out and execute the story beautifully.
Keep up your hard work.I recommend you look for a Beta. I dunno but I think a Beta is supposed to help with the grammar, touch-ups, presentation of the fic and also act as a soundboard for ideas.)
The idea's good but I think you need help with the grammar aspect and presentation of the story. Anyways, have you planned the plot, the flow of the story to a certain extent? Many writers fave writer's block due to not planning out properly from the beginning. I hope you plan the fic out and execute the story beautifully.
Keep up your hard work.I recommend you look for a Beta. I dunno but I think a Beta is supposed to help with the grammar, touch-ups, presentation of the fic and also act as a soundboard for ideas.)
1/4/2018 c1 
19Syluk
The story is not a script with only dioalogs and a few lines of what actors should do. You can't convey everything through dialogs, even more so because it gets super confusing with so many characters in one place. I skimmed through this text, and I noticed that any kind of reaction or emotions are pretty much non-existent. There should be descriptions of surroundings, people actions, their expressions, reactions. And here I can see only... some dry character speech.
Also, I genuinely recommend you not writing in 1st person view. It might seem easier at first, but later new writers usually meet problems that they can't deal with without changing the pov. And changing it is extremely bad. You should avoid it at any cost. So, unless you think that you're capable enough telling a story through Nami's eyes alone, write in 3rd person.
19SylukThe story is not a script with only dioalogs and a few lines of what actors should do. You can't convey everything through dialogs, even more so because it gets super confusing with so many characters in one place. I skimmed through this text, and I noticed that any kind of reaction or emotions are pretty much non-existent. There should be descriptions of surroundings, people actions, their expressions, reactions. And here I can see only... some dry character speech.
Also, I genuinely recommend you not writing in 1st person view. It might seem easier at first, but later new writers usually meet problems that they can't deal with without changing the pov. And changing it is extremely bad. You should avoid it at any cost. So, unless you think that you're capable enough telling a story through Nami's eyes alone, write in 3rd person.