Just In
for Lightning

4/18/2021 c1 threado
Came here from reddit! Good one shot!
2/5/2018 c1 15Saengak
WAIT SO HE KILLED HER? :O because he cut through the lightning? Ooooh yes angsty angsty. Noting the horror tag too :P

I like this part: "...to stop him from killing the creature that dares take her face." It's like... because Kakashi elevates Rin to such heights, anyone who tries to imitate her makes him so angry they become less than human to him. Hmm.

His "hn." sounded very Uchiha-like. Has he been infected because of the sharingan? Haha :P A new paragrah is needed when another person speaks, btw.

Just some other comments...
"What did it matter" is a set phrase used like: "And what did it matter to him that his father had made an enemy".

"She jumps away(,) and not a moment too soon..." No comma because the second clause is a dependent clause. [I finally learnt how to articulate this grammar rule while doing this review ;) Usually I just go by "feel" but that's not an explanation haha.]

Regarding "...but this falters him only for a moment", the word "falter" is only used in a more "passive" way. (I'm not sure if it's an actual passive verb but it feels similar.) For example, "but he falters only for..." or "but this makes him falter only for...".

Btw thunder is the booming sound and lightning is the electricity. But I get what you mean, it sounds poetic right!

Thanks for writing. Kakashi is harsher and more aloof here, but his mission-oriented brain still clashes with his poor bleeding heart :'( I like how the contrast came through ;D
1/4/2018 c1 Rikud Sennin
Wonderfully written ...keep up nii-chan

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service