for Flight of the Twin Eagles11/26/2022 c2 Goldspark1
Their is a little too much exposition at the beginning of this chapter. Now, it is GREAT that you put this much detail into your work. You clearly did the leg work to research the factions and understand the power levels they are at. Though the problem is you are missing that human element. What humans in the GDI should I care about? This is something Azores' stories do well where they have interesting characters in the setting to show the different points of view of each faction. How their own unique point of views differ when viewing themselves and others. Another example is the Arbiter in Halo 2. This Elite is clearly alien. Yet we see from his journey the inner workings of the Covenant. How they organize themselves, the conflicts that exist between the different species, etc.
Once again similar to your first chapter, GREATLY impressed by your attention to detail on the ship names and classes. This really does capture that strategic feeling of Command and Conquer. Though once again, this is a story, not a video game. In a video game, these numbers transfer straight to how strong your fleet is. In a story, you NEED that personal connection. How are the crews moral aboard these ships? Are they preparing for a fight? Are they relaxed?
This next part is a bit of a nick pick but these ships with their nanobots feel a little powerful for a species only space faring for two hundred years without any Forerunner or other ancient alien technology to research.
Did enjoy how creative the A.I.'s are in this story. All taking different avatars to make them distinct.
Also do feel like your style of writing adds a bit too much exposition. For example the line; Cole then let out a little chuckle, it always seemed Wes's quips were what he need in order to get himself calm; Feel like this line would have benefited from just having Cole let out a chuckle at the A.I. Leaving it up to the audience to pick up on that A.I. being a joker and the jokes help relax Cole.
Also do not like this paragraph; I know I'm still dealing with the memories...I must answer the call...while I stay behind...I can't say no...What I need..; These lines from Cole just use the word I too often. Try to make the dialogue come across as more natural. When people speak, they rarely use the word 'I'.
Also did not enjoy the conversation between Cole, Raven, and Masters. In terms of information, this part of the story was perfect. Giving us the needed information. The problem is their is no emotional attachment. No emotion from the characters to give away how serious/mundane this situation should be. Is the upper brass nervous? Are they weary of outsiders? The dialogue just came across as too 'by the books.'
Their is a little too much exposition at the beginning of this chapter. Now, it is GREAT that you put this much detail into your work. You clearly did the leg work to research the factions and understand the power levels they are at. Though the problem is you are missing that human element. What humans in the GDI should I care about? This is something Azores' stories do well where they have interesting characters in the setting to show the different points of view of each faction. How their own unique point of views differ when viewing themselves and others. Another example is the Arbiter in Halo 2. This Elite is clearly alien. Yet we see from his journey the inner workings of the Covenant. How they organize themselves, the conflicts that exist between the different species, etc.
Once again similar to your first chapter, GREATLY impressed by your attention to detail on the ship names and classes. This really does capture that strategic feeling of Command and Conquer. Though once again, this is a story, not a video game. In a video game, these numbers transfer straight to how strong your fleet is. In a story, you NEED that personal connection. How are the crews moral aboard these ships? Are they preparing for a fight? Are they relaxed?
This next part is a bit of a nick pick but these ships with their nanobots feel a little powerful for a species only space faring for two hundred years without any Forerunner or other ancient alien technology to research.
Did enjoy how creative the A.I.'s are in this story. All taking different avatars to make them distinct.
Also do feel like your style of writing adds a bit too much exposition. For example the line; Cole then let out a little chuckle, it always seemed Wes's quips were what he need in order to get himself calm; Feel like this line would have benefited from just having Cole let out a chuckle at the A.I. Leaving it up to the audience to pick up on that A.I. being a joker and the jokes help relax Cole.
Also do not like this paragraph; I know I'm still dealing with the memories...I must answer the call...while I stay behind...I can't say no...What I need..; These lines from Cole just use the word I too often. Try to make the dialogue come across as more natural. When people speak, they rarely use the word 'I'.
Also did not enjoy the conversation between Cole, Raven, and Masters. In terms of information, this part of the story was perfect. Giving us the needed information. The problem is their is no emotional attachment. No emotion from the characters to give away how serious/mundane this situation should be. Is the upper brass nervous? Are they weary of outsiders? The dialogue just came across as too 'by the books.'
11/26/2022 c1 Goldspark1
Hello. This is Goldspark1 from Azores story and was interested what you are working on. So, here I am and hope to give feedback on your story.
First off, the beginning repeats a little to much. Such as when talking about different galaxies; One where...One where...One even. This does not do a good job keeping my attention.
Also, you need a better hook. Reading about what other writers did with the crossovers does not inspire confidence in your own work. Instead, just let the setting you want to tell speak for itself. While their is a place for deep thoughts at the beginning of a story. To question our place in the galaxy. This is very hard to pull off and did not succeed here. Nevertheless, will read another chapter to see more of the story.
Hello. This is Goldspark1 from Azores story and was interested what you are working on. So, here I am and hope to give feedback on your story.
First off, the beginning repeats a little to much. Such as when talking about different galaxies; One where...One where...One even. This does not do a good job keeping my attention.
Also, you need a better hook. Reading about what other writers did with the crossovers does not inspire confidence in your own work. Instead, just let the setting you want to tell speak for itself. While their is a place for deep thoughts at the beginning of a story. To question our place in the galaxy. This is very hard to pull off and did not succeed here. Nevertheless, will read another chapter to see more of the story.
8/20/2022 c15 ICA Agent 47
Please update.
Please update.
2/27/2022 c15 ICA Agent 47
Please update your stories! Especially this one!
Please update your stories! Especially this one!
1/4/2022 c7 Divine Blizzard
While I am unsure if this story is dead or still continuing, I have been curious about something. Since the other C&C aspects such as RA is canon in this timeline and Allied technology such as the chronosphere is being used, would that mean other things such as shrinking and cryo tech that the Allies used back in RA3 be canon as well? From what the backstory chapter of the GDI timeline explained, I presumed that the whole time travel business that happened in RA3 did not happen and the EoJ did not rise up to power as it did. I am not too knowledgeable on what happened after RA2 so I can't say much. I am merely just asking a question that has been in my mind for a while now.
While I am unsure if this story is dead or still continuing, I have been curious about something. Since the other C&C aspects such as RA is canon in this timeline and Allied technology such as the chronosphere is being used, would that mean other things such as shrinking and cryo tech that the Allies used back in RA3 be canon as well? From what the backstory chapter of the GDI timeline explained, I presumed that the whole time travel business that happened in RA3 did not happen and the EoJ did not rise up to power as it did. I am not too knowledgeable on what happened after RA2 so I can't say much. I am merely just asking a question that has been in my mind for a while now.
12/12/2021 c15 Alduin
were will chapter 15 I being waiting for it. this story is good please keep going.
were will chapter 15 I being waiting for it. this story is good please keep going.
11/24/2021 c14 Krieger Techpreist
GOST! YOU ARE HUMAN! NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT! THANK YOU! HE WAS SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER!
I loved halo legends, it was awsome and that single episode, punched me like a power fist... cant wait man
GOST! YOU ARE HUMAN! NOTHING WILL EVER CHANGE THAT! THANK YOU! HE WAS SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER!
I loved halo legends, it was awsome and that single episode, punched me like a power fist... cant wait man
11/10/2021 c15 Guest
Please update eventually?
Please update eventually?
10/9/2021 c15 Guest
Update!
Update!
10/3/2021 c15 Guest
Please update!
Please update!
9/19/2021 c15 Guest
I hope that you can update this soon? Along with your other stories.
I hope that you can update this soon? Along with your other stories.
8/10/2021 c15 Ghost
Yo. This is pretty good. This is the first time I ever saw a command and conquer story being crossed over with Halo. This has potential, keep it up. Ignore the haters
Yo. This is pretty good. This is the first time I ever saw a command and conquer story being crossed over with Halo. This has potential, keep it up. Ignore the haters
7/17/2021 c15 
2kasrkinsquadtrooper
*see the comment from both Alexander and JonHarper also remember the author also made Mod fanbase know canon (tiberium Essence, Twisted Twisted Insurrection, Tiberian Odyssey, and Etc Canon know)*
look Blazblade I hate to said this but this Virgin Nod fans trying to ruined you day also I know what you plan is because you also use the Mod Unit... I not going spoiler it but yup this two just Virgin Nod fans but totally unaware that the both Nod and Scrin also being Buff also I just remember Halo 5 how bad this gameplay are also the Halo 4 boss system is bad as well but don't worry if Alexander and JonHarper can read my story or lore... warning also as spoiler for Blazblade
to the Author keep it up I need more of this story sry for long comment or response because I bust made my own story ask ThatGuyYouMet he love it I try my best to fix or add more story for future
2kasrkinsquadtrooper*see the comment from both Alexander and JonHarper also remember the author also made Mod fanbase know canon (tiberium Essence, Twisted Twisted Insurrection, Tiberian Odyssey, and Etc Canon know)*
look Blazblade I hate to said this but this Virgin Nod fans trying to ruined you day also I know what you plan is because you also use the Mod Unit... I not going spoiler it but yup this two just Virgin Nod fans but totally unaware that the both Nod and Scrin also being Buff also I just remember Halo 5 how bad this gameplay are also the Halo 4 boss system is bad as well but don't worry if Alexander and JonHarper can read my story or lore... warning also as spoiler for Blazblade
to the Author keep it up I need more of this story sry for long comment or response because I bust made my own story ask ThatGuyYouMet he love it I try my best to fix or add more story for future
7/11/2021 c15 Alexander
While JonHarper does have a point about the curb stomping as some would feel as if the story is nothing but a curb stomp.
However, I do believe that this story has potential as you should keep writing and improving this further more as the Neo Nod and the Scrin should show up as the Covenant factions get stronger.
If JonHarper sees this, while I do understand your opinion on this story, you forgot that the setting where GDI is from is set 400 years after C&C Tiberium Twilight, or C&C 3 Tiberium Wars/Kane's Wrath if you don't consider C&C 4 TIberium Twilight canon, as GDI was bound to be advanced, if not a little bit more advanced than the UNSC due other factors like constant war to develop more weapons and tech along with integrating Nod Tech plus this story is basically like an AU Crossover and that is to be expected.
While JonHarper does have a point about the curb stomping as some would feel as if the story is nothing but a curb stomp.
However, I do believe that this story has potential as you should keep writing and improving this further more as the Neo Nod and the Scrin should show up as the Covenant factions get stronger.
If JonHarper sees this, while I do understand your opinion on this story, you forgot that the setting where GDI is from is set 400 years after C&C Tiberium Twilight, or C&C 3 Tiberium Wars/Kane's Wrath if you don't consider C&C 4 TIberium Twilight canon, as GDI was bound to be advanced, if not a little bit more advanced than the UNSC due other factors like constant war to develop more weapons and tech along with integrating Nod Tech plus this story is basically like an AU Crossover and that is to be expected.
7/11/2021 c15 Ren
While JonHarper does have a point about the curb stomping but however, I do believe that this story has potential as the Neo Nod and the Scrin will show up as the Covenant factions get stronger as the one thing that JonHarper forgot was that the setting where GDI is from is set 400 years after C&C Tiberium Twilight, or C&C 3 Tiberium Wars/Kane's Wrath if you don't consider C&C 4 TIberium Twilight canon.
While JonHarper does have a point about the curb stomping but however, I do believe that this story has potential as the Neo Nod and the Scrin will show up as the Covenant factions get stronger as the one thing that JonHarper forgot was that the setting where GDI is from is set 400 years after C&C Tiberium Twilight, or C&C 3 Tiberium Wars/Kane's Wrath if you don't consider C&C 4 TIberium Twilight canon.