for Of Grandfathers and Reminiscence6/16/2018 c1 
10Lady Lucilla
I'm disappointed. There's no way that this is a good story for Naruto.I am afraid that you need more time in order to learn how to write a fanfic.I dont want to insult you but it would be bettter for you if you didnt write a story before you learn to be a right author.
The characters here are a disappointment. Kenshin is a disappointment. Especially Sarada.i dont like her character at all. The story is a disappointment. I'm out. But I hope this criticism is taken to heart for better me when i say you need a better writing.
10Lady LucillaI'm disappointed. There's no way that this is a good story for Naruto.I am afraid that you need more time in order to learn how to write a fanfic.I dont want to insult you but it would be bettter for you if you didnt write a story before you learn to be a right author.
The characters here are a disappointment. Kenshin is a disappointment. Especially Sarada.i dont like her character at all. The story is a disappointment. I'm out. But I hope this criticism is taken to heart for better me when i say you need a better writing.
1/17/2018 c1 Guest
That certainly was entertaining
That certainly was entertaining
1/16/2018 c1 1TobiSaku4EVER
Another comment for a amazing fic, I really don't know how to say but there's is one thing...
Please continue because one shot isn't enough!
1TobiSaku4EVERAnother comment for a amazing fic, I really don't know how to say but there's is one thing...
Please continue because one shot isn't enough!
1/16/2018 c1 DELETEDrandom
Okay this review is coming from a Noob in Naruto.
So Sarada is the implied daughter of Sasuke and Sakura? If those are the parents Obito is recollecting as having meaningful moments on the battlefield then I can see where the appeal of that pairing comes from. Especially since Sasuke is supposedly reserved and would show his affection to Sakura in a very implicit way, but it sounds no less special than an overt lovey dovey confession.
As for this little Sarada (cos I'm not sure how old she is). If Sakura is her mother than its not surprising that she has a free spirit and goes searching for answers herself. They way the guys describe Sakura, she sounds like a total strong badass. And the men raising her appear to be holding her to rather traditional and archaic ways that a lady should act like. Even though she has a certain finesse about her it doesn't seem like she's the type to stay and home and wear kimonos and pour tea. It Remind me of Mulan and the Honor to Us All song. Haha. So she had glasses and jumped to conclusions about her parentage based on that? Why isn't she with them in the first place? Or is she raised in a ninja school?
Obito and Madara, are they not ex-antagonists to Naruto's clan? If so why do they have custody of Sarada? Or are the three clans united through the recent unions of the protagonists? I assumed Madara was a woman until reading 'he' as a pronoun oh dear. LOL.
Okay, my review probably looks hilarious to anyone familiar with Naruto. Sorry I can't offer anything more comprehensive.
I'll move onto grammar and prose. It's very well done. I like the pacing of character dialogues and the pauses seem very natural. There's not to much dialogue at the expense of backstory and not too much descriptive prose that I lose interest or get overwhelmed by exposition. All the characters speak with intelligence, and in particular I'm very glad not to see juvenile sort of speech from the adults. It cements this piece as being thoughtfully humorous rather than a slap stick or crack like fic.
My only advice (you don't have to take it if you don't want) is to keep the use of dashes to a minimum - at most I would use it twice in a sentence - like this. Anymore than that can be become redundant, and you may be better off forming a new sentence. I like that you use the dash at end of dialogues lines to insinuate interruptions from other characters or circumstances. I use that heaps too when my characters interrupt each other or finish each other's sentences ;)
I hope you continue uploading more chapters hear despite the clunkiness that is Doc Manager. I would like to get a bit more familiar with Naruto Verse. IRL I have no time to get into it so this is a taster until I have more time!
Okay this review is coming from a Noob in Naruto.
So Sarada is the implied daughter of Sasuke and Sakura? If those are the parents Obito is recollecting as having meaningful moments on the battlefield then I can see where the appeal of that pairing comes from. Especially since Sasuke is supposedly reserved and would show his affection to Sakura in a very implicit way, but it sounds no less special than an overt lovey dovey confession.
As for this little Sarada (cos I'm not sure how old she is). If Sakura is her mother than its not surprising that she has a free spirit and goes searching for answers herself. They way the guys describe Sakura, she sounds like a total strong badass. And the men raising her appear to be holding her to rather traditional and archaic ways that a lady should act like. Even though she has a certain finesse about her it doesn't seem like she's the type to stay and home and wear kimonos and pour tea. It Remind me of Mulan and the Honor to Us All song. Haha. So she had glasses and jumped to conclusions about her parentage based on that? Why isn't she with them in the first place? Or is she raised in a ninja school?
Obito and Madara, are they not ex-antagonists to Naruto's clan? If so why do they have custody of Sarada? Or are the three clans united through the recent unions of the protagonists? I assumed Madara was a woman until reading 'he' as a pronoun oh dear. LOL.
Okay, my review probably looks hilarious to anyone familiar with Naruto. Sorry I can't offer anything more comprehensive.
I'll move onto grammar and prose. It's very well done. I like the pacing of character dialogues and the pauses seem very natural. There's not to much dialogue at the expense of backstory and not too much descriptive prose that I lose interest or get overwhelmed by exposition. All the characters speak with intelligence, and in particular I'm very glad not to see juvenile sort of speech from the adults. It cements this piece as being thoughtfully humorous rather than a slap stick or crack like fic.
My only advice (you don't have to take it if you don't want) is to keep the use of dashes to a minimum - at most I would use it twice in a sentence - like this. Anymore than that can be become redundant, and you may be better off forming a new sentence. I like that you use the dash at end of dialogues lines to insinuate interruptions from other characters or circumstances. I use that heaps too when my characters interrupt each other or finish each other's sentences ;)
I hope you continue uploading more chapters hear despite the clunkiness that is Doc Manager. I would like to get a bit more familiar with Naruto Verse. IRL I have no time to get into it so this is a taster until I have more time!