Just In
for The Lost Heir

1/27/2022 c6 Guest
Plz update this has potential to be one of the best RWBY stories on the site
10/11/2019 c1 SilverGate48
Please update
8/2/2019 c6 Taiki no Hitsuzen Kage
I really like this story so far, can’t wait for the next chapter!
11/12/2018 c6 Unnamed
Your story is really good and I hope you pick it back up again
3/17/2018 c6 Herr Dunkelheit
Al fin un ff decente de rwby, me esta enganchando hasta ahora
3/1/2018 c5 Kevito100
This story is truly amazing if you ask me. I really hope you update soon and keep it going for a while
2/21/2018 c5 Tacosaucelord
Decided that this story seemed interesting, and I ended up binging it and now it's 7 in the morning. Damn it, I've become addicted to another story! I thought I was cured! :)

Can't wait for the next chapter, I love how everything is super detailed and high quality!
2/17/2018 c5 Ee Nidtah
Alright! The most promising RWBY fanfic at the moment finally got a new chapter. The wait was rather long, but I don't mind since your prose and storytelling is superb, a quality that's seldom encountered these days in fanfiction. Now onto my review.

Here's something that's been irking me: Syn's semblance.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but Syn's got the ability to 'steal' semblances from others, which includes aura. Since aura is the manifestation of one's soul, wouldn't he also be conjoining his soul with the ones he took? Apparently, it's been stated in Volume 3 (and almost achieved) that when two different auras join, their personalities sort of, like, blend together and the person with the new aura may not be the same as before. Wouldn't Syn's personality start to change in the likeness to those he killed?

Then again, I'm quite dubious about his semblance in general. Perhaps I'm just being a bit biased since I'm not really a big fan of imitation type powers. Semblances are based on personality, aura, and Syn's aura is, what, something like a 'leeching' kind? It's hard to imagine something like that in the RWBY-verse. They've also got limiters: a cooldown, side effects, etc. It doesn't seem like his has any limiters from what I can see so far. Unless the different semblances he utilizes have their own limiters. He seems a bit OP at the moment. Perhaps you could try to clarify all of this by the next chapter, or maybe I missed something?

Next, Raven. While I'm in love with their dynamic, her and Syn's first meeting also irked me somewhat. Raven is a cunning woman, one of the most powerful characters in the series who defeated even the likes of Cinder Fall, and yet she was bested by a 14-year-old? Even if Syn did go through hellish training, he couldn't possibly have beat Raven without a single scratch. Not saying that that's not possible, but I guess I expected something . . . messier. Something along the lines of reaching a stalemate and acknowledging each other's strength that way instead of just having her ass practically kicked by Syn. And getting their hands dirty all the while wrecking the camp. I don't know about you, but if I were to wake up one morning and see two random kids sitting across from me with my weapon in tow, I'd kick them out and beat them to a pulp for good measure, not just take them in and let bygones be bygones.

Which reminds me, where the heck is Sevas? Is he going to come for Syn, or is it the other way around and he just left him on his own to do whatever? Knowing him, he'd probably beat the living shit out of Syn now that he's created new bonds with people, something that's apparently forbidden. I'm curious.

Now, onto the dynamics. I felt like you could've incorporated something like bonding scenes between our characters to make the story more fluid and believable. I wanted more insight into these relationships, to witness the growing bonds between them all myself rather than just reading a sentence about how there's been a time hurdle and now they're all on good terms with each other. It's never bad to slow down the pacing, to take your time to add little snippets of detail to accentuate your storytelling and flesh out your characters.

Syn and Neo's relationship is cute, but there's something missing. I wanted to know Syn's true, bona fide feelings towards her and vice versa. You've made it rather vague in the story, so to me it just seems like he's grown accustomed to her presence rather than growing to care for her. Since Neo's role has averted from the one in canon, is her personality still the same or has it changed to some degree? I want to know more from her point of view.

Since they're also going to Beacon, I can see many ways this story is headed. Raven probably sent them there so that Syn could meet Qrow and Glynda, not so they could learn something since she's already attended Beacon, so I don't really see any other point in sending them there considering she already has knowledge about huntsman and grimm, etc.

By the way, initiation comes after the entrance exams. The former is for organizing students into pairs, then pairs into teams. You should probably write about said exams first, then initiation. Speaking of which, who's gonna be on Syn and Neo's team? Are they gonna pair up with each other or other people? Are you going to introduce new OCs for this, or will it be something like Syn and Neo getting involved with the main characters and changing up the canon teams that way? So many possibilities!
2/17/2018 c5 Nemo The Wretch
I wasn't expecting to enjoy this. You have really done a very good job. Keep it up, I love it.
2/15/2018 c4 guestman
Neo and Syn! Good choice. Looking for more scenes between them. They both have mismatched eyes! It's almost like fate
2/5/2018 c2 Ee Nidtah
Lovely prose 3
2/1/2018 c3 Guest
Nice though I hope he kils sevas and I am looking forward to when crow and glynda find out
2/1/2018 c3 Boblets
I'm surprised... when i saw this i thought 'oh great another piece of shit happy go lucky retard oc in rwby wonder how shit this will be' only to be pleasantly surprised with a awesome story keep up the great work.
2/1/2018 c3 5Jack Redhawke
I want this to have a happy ending, I feel bad for all three of them.
21 Page 1 2 Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service