Just In
for The Lonely Letters

8/1 c4 17Lerris
That was clever and well done. Marriage is a bit extreme, but then he almost dies monthly and it was likely the only option she found.
7/30 c5 Seud
The letters were nice, some though were worse than others. The romance is actually probably the worst part of this story, which is sad because it’s main genre is romance.

It’s rushed, the relationship just doesn’t fit in how it started. Why did Fleur need to rush the wedding? All you as an author needed to do was make it so the Ministry didn’t realize they gave Harry emancipation temporarily.

A chapter or two having Fleur be nervous and doubtful about Harry wanting to marry her to free him from his relatives would have gone a long way into making this story better, and you could have given them time to cement their feelings about each other properly.

I mean, they only met in person for a couple days. Despite the letters, they practically know nothing about one another. The letters themselves are mostly just vague overall summaries of their lives over their school years. Nothing substantial can be gleaned about each other from this. So, Fleur and Harry being nervous and doubtful of their feelings for one another would make so much sense.

You honestly dropped the ball on this one, if you can’t write romance well then writing a story with romance as a focus is kind of silly. You really rushed it. The dialogue setup needs some work too, as well as more descriptive sentences and inner monologues.

Better luck next time.
7/28 c21 4stan rules
oof that was nice. wonder what old voldie will do next
7/26 c21 1hellfire45
Good chapter and I can’t wait to see what happens next
7/26 c4 1J McAllister
Things were nice, until it got really REALLY cheesy now. A wedding?
I am not discouraging you, it's just... erm, meh?
7/25 c2 Luffy99
Hello, please excuse my poor English in advance.

I often see a mistake in fan fictions, so I would like to correct it.

Voldemort doesn't mean flight from death. In french, Vol theft or flight (but like a bird, not like "flee"). Two translations are better: "The one who steals from death" or "flight of death".

Hope this helps you for some future fanfiction, especially with Fleur as the heroine.
7/20 c21 Sebine
7/17 c3 Guest
A little thought.
Magic is presumably by nature and not take account of mankind arbitrary dictates.
Accordingly, midnight where Harry is would not be 00.00 GMT. Assuming Hogwarts is due south of Inverness midnight would be about 00.09 GMT and assuming Fleur was in france this would be about 01.09 french time.
Best wishes kjetilniki
7/17 c21 2A10riddick
Great chapter! Can't wait for the next one!

for some reason I can't help but think of Hulk and Loki from the avengers movie in place of the armor and Hagrid.
7/17 c17 RunOnSentences
What’s the point of Abadan kedavra if you just keep the horcux in him anyway?
7/17 c21 3ObsessedWithHPFanFic
Wow, quite the fight scene. Thanks for sharing!
7/16 c21 Rebmul
this seems rushed
7/16 c21 1DragonsBC
Nice Christmas scene and quick explanation on your enchanting methods. I do wonder if one of the teachers used silver chains instead of spikes to save the poor werewolves from the mean students? Good job using Luna to provoke the students, not many do. Keep up the good work.
7/16 c21 1Arnie1701
Nice take on the final battle. LOL, Hagrid, LOL.
7/16 c21 14RenaJo
It's like my birthday came early
680 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 14 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service