Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Lonely Letters

1/28/2018 c6 1Baptism By Fire
It's never a bad day when you stumble upon some Harry/Fleur fluff :)
1/28/2018 c5 Smutley Do-Wrong
Well, implied that Cedric didn't spill nuptial beans. Could insert him maybe making bets with McLadden and Draco types, that they fail in poaching/seducing Fleur away from Harry.

Married, snogging, sharing honeymoon bed, almost fanfic cliché unrealistic but common delayed deed, coital consumation delay delay... Other than Harry with emotional hangups so severe, his hormones AND VEELA wife can't ... well... not realistic IMO.

Another OLD suggestion should you edit this fic moderately in the future.
Having TIME, Fleur could write rather fluent well expressed English in the pen pal phase. Possibly missed SPaGs in young Harry's letters, or not SPaGs, on purpose errors of young Harry's literacy. Which might be close, even behind Fleur's IF she has time and books to consult her grammar. Then for face to face speech, she might be less fluent. It saves much need to on purpose have even her earliest pen pal letters flawed. With option her spoken English, even few years later, particularly if emotional, tweaked to be more ''heavily accented English'' than her written compositions.
1/28/2018 c4 Smutley Do-Wrong
Wondered if the bloody palms were marriage related or some family adoption ties thing. Seemed a bit scheming of Fleur, with Harry left in dark, trusting bit near off charts way back there.

? Maybe have after the "Do you love me?", a rushed whispered proposal ? Like she can free him from Dursleys, some justification like the adults passing some special law to revoke at end of year, the implied TwT "adult" wizard champion Harry. So MARRY HER NOW, the marriage will give him emancipation or/and block revoking his adult status.
THERE, a rushed marriage, but Harry not blindly married without agreeing... accepting Fleur's proposal. Much better IMO, than unknowingly being married off.
1/28/2018 c3 Smutley Do-Wrong
If it was a letter to anyone else Harry would have worried about her judging him. He did not like anyone to think that he was a ***whiner***,

Good author perception. I sometimes in reviews point out, IMO POV, this a caveat of Harry blowing top, in rant speech. Can end up sounding woe is me whining, even if has LOT to complain about. (caveat of hero? Not complain, suck it up? ) Similarly, I point out at times, how JKR demonstrated avoiding caveat of tooting own horn: in the organizing first DA meetup at Hogshead pub scene. OTHERS touting Harry being talented, having done amazing feats, whilst Harry can downplay (had help, luck), be humble (Nada McLadden-like ).

Checking, seeing rated "M", a suggestion: with your repeated theme of Harry NDEs, near death experiences/encounters. For rather sexual banter/flirting. You can have Fleur remarking about Harry's constant escaping death experiences, alluding to preferring she be giving him(and especially vice versa) many many "les petites morts", pleasant extremely pleasurable little deaths without Harry in danger of dying, just tortured with extreme pleasure to many little deaths.
Could be cute moment, Harry not fluent enough, Fleur having to explain the slang. Could be rather early, or a sort of later in relationship, BIG ice breaker wall breaking door opening sort of suggestion of changing friendship-relationship, Fleur putting on table she's flashing green light back at Mr. Green Eyes, for a MORE than friend zone relationship.
.For say, shoving an angst interlude over the ''ship's railing'', or too floored by Fleur's body, Harry sure she's not interested beyond friendzone relationship. Fleur clobbers that attitude and perception away, with such banter (Les petites morts).

PS, previously forgot to mention.
Your scented letter gags, added to Harry's letters with smell, canon ***amortentia-allusion to love match, requited, both ways.
That sort of adds to my earlier whine, about the pair not rebelling if necessary, meeting up.
The author mentioned criticism of rushing the story. Well, not meeting up, not much to do but rehash canon or rush forward to get to fresh non canon buffet.
Should you heavily edit the fic some day, adding filler like school break MEETUPS would be non rushing story material, IMO.

*** solstice "fail" palm blood ritual: not fail, seemed but didn't or did, because already "destined" -matched - bonding etcetera?(true love canon amortentia spin on SMELL associated with your true love).


Also forgot my earlier review of an opportunity
to "trigger" thoughts of marriage etc opportunity. That my suggestion was not inconsistent (additive) with your later Fleur thought segue, about holding Harry's baby.
1/28/2018 c2 Smutley Do-Wrong
''okay with numbers ''

''numbers or not, I am not very good with them myself but still enjoy it even if I will'v

Tiny slight inconsistency, OK to not very good.
How about not a polymath, or same league as past centuries of genius French mathematicians... have her humble maybe, but better than "not very good". Let the future gorgeous babe have lots of talent AND brains.

I know little of the crazy word combos of French profanity. But Maybe a "de" for your "merde", putain de merde?

Soap bar in mouth "parents", please non, unless their ineffectual mostly non help so far, is part of paving a road to negative portrayal of Fleur's parents.

Especially with NOT with "guardians" (at Leaky C) derailing any excuses by Fleur's parents, like they MUST get Dursley's (guardians' ) permission to "visit" Harry. The "too busy" excuse seems THIN, like reads as contrived to just DELAY Fleur & Harry meetup. Be worse I guess if hadn't had the ONE VER face to face meetup.

If your use of instagrow puberty adolcense has Fleur still looking 9 or 10. Sure, creates few solo travel problems, but say, traveling muggle way, Fleur could deal with the problems. She's well into her teens. Where's that teen independence and rebelliousness? Surely SOME is age and brain, mental age, not teen hormone pickled brain?
And HARRY, with "certain disregard" of "the rules". And really, if he ponders. How is he all that much more in danger, sneaking off to France, than being stationary target in Leaky Cauldron. Especially if NOT confined in the room 24x7, the gossiping public who see him there, would add risk of the alleged killer knowing where Harry is.
If not Fleur traveling. Then HARRY goes across the channel, or through the chunnel.
I expected the now BOTH TEENAGERS, to meetup. If disobeying authority ...yep, so?
Disappointed seems you made an odd choice.
Other than trying to delay delay face to face interaction, until later... (unrealistically IMO), I can't otherwise follow WHY you kept them apart. No holiday invites either. Heck, even thought Harry might get Winter Break invite to Chateau Delacour last 2 Hogwarts fall terms.

Now my conjecture and not a femme expert. But if lots of young girls (maybe older girls and women too? ) often thinking: "MARRIAGE/wedding planning /that boy-man OR current BF: future husband candidate Yes-No".
When I read "... that wouldn't change until he was married or of age...sat down to give Harry ... unconditional support."
IMO easy place you could use that "until he was married", have Fleur getting thoughts stirred, unable to not think/wonder/fantasize about marrying Harry. From just to "change" his terrible home life, she might ponder how young they might marry, just to "help" her "best friend forever". Which would have her thinking more about status of their "friendship". Or as possibly ? common ? in females, simply start thinking about Harry as a possible future husband or lover, and related intimate erotic thoughts. Although when she flash forwards through what I call, her (Veela's) rapid maturation phase, maybe better place for "that", more numerous erotic sorts of thoughts/fantasies being triggered.
1/28/2018 c6 5Dragon Master Naruto 003
Fantastic! I hope to read more again soon! Keep up the great work
1/28/2018 c1 Smutley Do-Wrong
Year or two or less ... I think. I outlined several tropes, of matchmaker Hedwig. It may have been upon brainstorming for new tropes AND trying to think of highly modified borrowed tropes like pen pal trope, possibly FIRST done in the fic "letters" 6535391, ideas of mine for gags to build earlier than canon Harry-Fleur interaction. There's the flock of fics with World Cup (usually a save Fleur from rape trope) meet ups, lot of negatives IMO using rape save damsel rescue.
I figured, rather than BIG RANDOM Harry crosses paths with Fleur or her and other family. Hedwig could be used, a minuscule hint of soul bond hyperbolic trope, mysterious magic matchmaker influencing Hedwig (or the genius bird with option a familiar bond with people finding genius Hedwig trope). So it's not an eyeroll super "coincidence" getting the pair interacting years sooner than canon.

So I squawk (or owl bark N screech) about you stealing my idea...in sarcastic jest.

I think though, in my trope summary-fic-outlines, Hedwig usually delivered a sort of new journal, Harry started, reflecting, reviewing his Durskaban years. I probably would have had it summer after 2nd or 3rd year, option for biography summary life at Hogwarts

Decent job, and certainly diverging (not copy of my unwritten similar fic) in few ways, like creature Veela, as I never follow canon regarding non human Veela trope. Even if had great new "creature-non-human" trope idea, I am SO NEGATIVE on canon and fanfic creature-Veela (and other stuff like lol 1/4 Veela Fleur) I'd probably stick with human Verla WITCHES, just to be contrarian and not in cliché herd.

Suggestion: if French conversation taking place, reader assumes French spoken, reading it in English. Then dropping in words like pere instead of "father" or "daddy / dad", doesn't make sense, IMO. A compromise would be "papa", passable as no translation needed, fits both languages.
Fleur speaking English, slipping in occasional French words can IMO help build a better FRENCH BABE persona. Which is why I heavily favor the ACCENTED ENGLISH Fleur "voice". Common is always inserting "moi", and "sœur" for English
counterpart, which IMO reads like author inserting the word in Fleur's mouth. Something IMO more natural would be often using "non" or/and "oui".
Perhaps in a repetitive pattern, for example Fleur turning statements into question, punctuating end of a phase, with ", oui?". Idiocyncracy or showing uncertainty with her English. And of course, dropping bit of French while she struggles successfully or not, trying to recall English word(s) she needs to finish a sentence. Similarly instead of "errr", "uhhh", "hmm", for pausing while struggling for expressing herself IN ENGLISH, I might use "ow you say een Anglaise?...", as a pause in her speech. A "oui?" soon, at end, after she finishes the sentence, her showing lack of verbal confidence or seeking approval she made sense, was understood.

Pretty good start, good luck.
1/28/2018 c6 0rangew0lf
This is great. It's nice to see Harry have a stable friend turned partner in his life. Keep it up
1/27/2018 c6 steellord
love it amazing story
1/27/2018 c1 LadyB3lla
I really am loving this story. As for those saying its going to fast I personally am glad you flew through years 1-3. Rehashing those can cause some people to lose interest in a story. Im one of those if the story is too close to canon lol. Can't wait for the next chapter!
1/27/2018 c6 LoneReader101
Good story so far, the only complaint I can come up with is that it's going by too fast (the general plot not the romance, I think the romance is it's own kind of beautiful) 6 chapters in and it's gone pretty far. I hope there are Many more chapters to come. And I kind of adore your writing style.
1/27/2018 c3 chc91776
First i must say for the ones complaining about you rushing through years.. why would you want to read rehashed stories? im sure everyone is caught up in the potterverse cannon to be able to know what happens if some years are glossed over to get to the "meat" of the story. i for one would of skipped over a bunch of the story because 1-3 year rehash get boring and makes me lose interest. The only issue i see is Harrys relationships with ron and hermione. i feel they are being glossed over in the way that in cannon he was bffs with them and in your story you said theyre not as close but still friends so it makes me feel why would he be staying with the weasleys at all?
1/27/2018 c1 1Someguy the anon
Alternate name: when Hegwig is actually used as a mail owl
1/27/2018 c6 1lordamnesia
Absolutely outstanding story so far! I love the premise, quite possibly the best use of penpals I've seen, and Fleur jumping on an opportunity with both feet. Amazing, keep up the stellar work!
1/27/2018 c6 Ronin Kenshin
awesome way to change things it totally makes more sense great work
686 « Prev Page 1 .. 32 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service