for Tales of the Warriors: Nabiki4/19/2019 c26 
20The Grey Coincidence
Ooof- this is your best chapter yet, no doubts about it. That reveal at the end *goes to take several deep breaths*- now lemme re-read to put it all into perspective.
I love what you did here, honestly keeping the twist away from your captive audience until the very last second was pure genius! I had no idea who Junchiro was talking to in the flashback. At first I thought it was maybe some kid/younger relative that died long ago and ended up motivating him to become Grandmaster? But nope it's none other then... You know who. That... Is a really good way of doing this, and works especially well in this written format because we can't visualize a non-described entity. I also like the parralels made between the Non-entity and Nabiki. And we finally know what her GIANT ORANGE BALL is, even if it's technically not a giant orange ball. And the lack of explanation behind how she did it irked me in a manner similar to Boruto (although admittedly I prefer Nabiki as a character and her personality/attitude are far superior). Ahem. I also like that Nabiki is getting fleshed out more. She was never bland per say but didn't have much in the way of extravagance. She isn't clumsy, bad-tempered or particularly outgoing. She is more calm, collected, and casual. You don't often get to read about personalities like that.
I am also glad that you are updating regularly now. Hurray! I guess Mid-Spring is like your 'writing season', eh?
Very good chapter, love the Nameless Entity even more now ;) Nabiki got fleshed out a bit more! Great work
Update soon
20The Grey CoincidenceOoof- this is your best chapter yet, no doubts about it. That reveal at the end *goes to take several deep breaths*- now lemme re-read to put it all into perspective.
I love what you did here, honestly keeping the twist away from your captive audience until the very last second was pure genius! I had no idea who Junchiro was talking to in the flashback. At first I thought it was maybe some kid/younger relative that died long ago and ended up motivating him to become Grandmaster? But nope it's none other then... You know who. That... Is a really good way of doing this, and works especially well in this written format because we can't visualize a non-described entity. I also like the parralels made between the Non-entity and Nabiki. And we finally know what her GIANT ORANGE BALL is, even if it's technically not a giant orange ball. And the lack of explanation behind how she did it irked me in a manner similar to Boruto (although admittedly I prefer Nabiki as a character and her personality/attitude are far superior). Ahem. I also like that Nabiki is getting fleshed out more. She was never bland per say but didn't have much in the way of extravagance. She isn't clumsy, bad-tempered or particularly outgoing. She is more calm, collected, and casual. You don't often get to read about personalities like that.
I am also glad that you are updating regularly now. Hurray! I guess Mid-Spring is like your 'writing season', eh?
Very good chapter, love the Nameless Entity even more now ;) Nabiki got fleshed out a bit more! Great work
Update soon
4/16/2019 c25 The Grey Coincidence
A new update yaaaay!
I must say this chapter was very satisfying to read. A lot of exposition on the Black Demon Clan presented in a dialogue format... Nice.
The explanation for heart eating was equal parts morbid and fascinating. Now you've got me worried for the ninja and samurai alliance- clearly the Black Demon Clan is a few steps ahead of them when it comes to planning.
The history of the Lin Quay was also fascinating and now the wolf thing makes a lot of sense!
Update soon
A new update yaaaay!
I must say this chapter was very satisfying to read. A lot of exposition on the Black Demon Clan presented in a dialogue format... Nice.
The explanation for heart eating was equal parts morbid and fascinating. Now you've got me worried for the ninja and samurai alliance- clearly the Black Demon Clan is a few steps ahead of them when it comes to planning.
The history of the Lin Quay was also fascinating and now the wolf thing makes a lot of sense!
Update soon
2/28/2019 c24 20The Grey Coincidence
I think you mean above- reviews are a bit above the story :)
I'm glad you updated- this archive has started to feel strangely empty (not that there's not any good stuff to read here, just that most of my favourites have moved on to other things/archives... For now anyways...).
I like the honor among wolves semi-twist. I love the depth you're putting in your work here, the way different species have got different rules they abide to. I also think it evens out some of the odds, now that there are less of the alliance willing to participate in direct combat.
As much as I like the ploy and plot I also feel like maybe the Black Demon Clan are planning something- perhaps it's a trap and they're now going to murder the wolves and the helpless villagers. That might be a bit much- but I have some evidence to think that 'you can't kill a wolf's isn't held up by the villains That wolf that was getting interrogated and had to be neautralized was killed by a wolf, wasn't he?
I have a feeling we might get another gory chapter soon... If I'm right anyways.
I suppose there are two routes you can go for this war- Narnia where you just have one big ass (eeeepic) battle to cut the story length down ooooor you could do a few more small skirmish battles leading up to a bigger (final) battle where hopefully our heroes will come out on top.
It should be good either way :)
And while this may be redundant seeing as you're spending less time on (nothing wrong with that, Iwish you all the best)
Update soon
20The Grey CoincidenceI think you mean above- reviews are a bit above the story :)
I'm glad you updated- this archive has started to feel strangely empty (not that there's not any good stuff to read here, just that most of my favourites have moved on to other things/archives... For now anyways...).
I like the honor among wolves semi-twist. I love the depth you're putting in your work here, the way different species have got different rules they abide to. I also think it evens out some of the odds, now that there are less of the alliance willing to participate in direct combat.
As much as I like the ploy and plot I also feel like maybe the Black Demon Clan are planning something- perhaps it's a trap and they're now going to murder the wolves and the helpless villagers. That might be a bit much- but I have some evidence to think that 'you can't kill a wolf's isn't held up by the villains That wolf that was getting interrogated and had to be neautralized was killed by a wolf, wasn't he?
I have a feeling we might get another gory chapter soon... If I'm right anyways.
I suppose there are two routes you can go for this war- Narnia where you just have one big ass (eeeepic) battle to cut the story length down ooooor you could do a few more small skirmish battles leading up to a bigger (final) battle where hopefully our heroes will come out on top.
It should be good either way :)
And while this may be redundant seeing as you're spending less time on (nothing wrong with that, Iwish you all the best)
Update soon
11/5/2018 c23 The Grey Coincidence
Finally! Now we know why the samurai and ninja alliance fell apart. An unpredictable chain of events from within lead to their fallout. *Nods proudly.*
You had an interesting documentary-style analysis on the differences between Ninja and Samurai, followed by some of their history. And so the ninja are now allied to the samurai. Depending on how long you want to make this, this could be the start to the climax or the beginning of a new 'era' of battling. Not even sure which I would prefer.
All in all glad to see this story back from you, sorry if the review's a bit shorter than usual, I'm kind of busy.
Gotta love the concept of an octopus on land (also the water-splashing. Probably the quirkiest character I've seen from you (or second behind Padaj). I imagine he'd be pretty good at combat what with all those limbs.
Update soon.
Finally! Now we know why the samurai and ninja alliance fell apart. An unpredictable chain of events from within lead to their fallout. *Nods proudly.*
You had an interesting documentary-style analysis on the differences between Ninja and Samurai, followed by some of their history. And so the ninja are now allied to the samurai. Depending on how long you want to make this, this could be the start to the climax or the beginning of a new 'era' of battling. Not even sure which I would prefer.
All in all glad to see this story back from you, sorry if the review's a bit shorter than usual, I'm kind of busy.
Gotta love the concept of an octopus on land (also the water-splashing. Probably the quirkiest character I've seen from you (or second behind Padaj). I imagine he'd be pretty good at combat what with all those limbs.
Update soon.
10/15/2018 c22 The Grey Coincidence
Short but tense chapter. There was a lot of suspense here, not too sure why considering I expected them to end up working together anyways. I think it's the sentence structure during the dialogue. Lots of short sentences to make the heart beat faster. Rather effective.
Not much substance to put some epic-length reviews in I'm afraid. If you wanted to boost chapter size you could have added some more backstory as to why the ninja and samurai hate each other
Hate to point out typos since I spell coma comma but there's a 5 instead of a 't' in the chapter title and... It's kind of hard to miss.
Regardless I hope to see more of this.
Update soon.
Short but tense chapter. There was a lot of suspense here, not too sure why considering I expected them to end up working together anyways. I think it's the sentence structure during the dialogue. Lots of short sentences to make the heart beat faster. Rather effective.
Not much substance to put some epic-length reviews in I'm afraid. If you wanted to boost chapter size you could have added some more backstory as to why the ninja and samurai hate each other
Hate to point out typos since I spell coma comma but there's a 5 instead of a 't' in the chapter title and... It's kind of hard to miss.
Regardless I hope to see more of this.
Update soon.
8/31/2018 c21 The Grey Coincidence
Two chapters in one day! Nice one mate.
I like that the ninja manage to be sneaky (they... are ninjas) it's just that so far (aside from chapter one) they've done a lot of combat but not much sudden kidnappings (which less-cool but more historically accurate and I like and I think you need a balance of action and other types of excitement.
I spotted some references to something I know... Phoenix warrior cough cough.
Not sure who the new characters are.
My best guess are the siamese cats and the dogs (though most likely the cats). I think I'm right but not sure...
I didn't say this last time but that's because I read both these chapters together and then went on to review them.
Update soon.
Two chapters in one day! Nice one mate.
I like that the ninja manage to be sneaky (they... are ninjas) it's just that so far (aside from chapter one) they've done a lot of combat but not much sudden kidnappings (which less-cool but more historically accurate and I like and I think you need a balance of action and other types of excitement.
I spotted some references to something I know... Phoenix warrior cough cough.
Not sure who the new characters are.
My best guess are the siamese cats and the dogs (though most likely the cats). I think I'm right but not sure...
I didn't say this last time but that's because I read both these chapters together and then went on to review them.
Update soon.
8/31/2018 c20 The Grey Coincidence
...Unexpected but... I like it. I think 'short' is more accurate a description than 'rushed', it doesn't really feel rushed.
Note: The author's note that warns for gore is... really good at building tension. I was almost sure Kurai, Kira and... the other one would kick the bucket in a gory way. But then they didn't and the villagers were begging and I was like 'oh... shit', coz I knew something was coming but even though I expected it I was still surprised because it was just so... powerful.
Good information to have on the Black Demon Clan... looks like they're demons of some sort and that's quite cool but also creepy. Are they otherworldly? So many questions!
Yeah names are quite tough especially for major characters. Some personal examples. I never liked the name Saras, but then it kind of got stuck on him despite me trying to change his name several times earlier. It's grown on me and I like writing it (and him) but I really don't know how to pronounce it.
So I may not be the best advice giver regarding naming your OCs... but either something Japanese (a bastardized name of a member of their pantheon? Tsukomasu? Amatemuromi?) or a random name if it's otherworldly. Kubasaku? Karamusamikapichu? XD
As a note for experiments. I like it when people try out different styles, and I really don't mind this BUT you should be careful. If you want to experiment further in gore you might wanna do something M rated.
...Unexpected but... I like it. I think 'short' is more accurate a description than 'rushed', it doesn't really feel rushed.
Note: The author's note that warns for gore is... really good at building tension. I was almost sure Kurai, Kira and... the other one would kick the bucket in a gory way. But then they didn't and the villagers were begging and I was like 'oh... shit', coz I knew something was coming but even though I expected it I was still surprised because it was just so... powerful.
Good information to have on the Black Demon Clan... looks like they're demons of some sort and that's quite cool but also creepy. Are they otherworldly? So many questions!
Yeah names are quite tough especially for major characters. Some personal examples. I never liked the name Saras, but then it kind of got stuck on him despite me trying to change his name several times earlier. It's grown on me and I like writing it (and him) but I really don't know how to pronounce it.
So I may not be the best advice giver regarding naming your OCs... but either something Japanese (a bastardized name of a member of their pantheon? Tsukomasu? Amatemuromi?) or a random name if it's otherworldly. Kubasaku? Karamusamikapichu? XD
As a note for experiments. I like it when people try out different styles, and I really don't mind this BUT you should be careful. If you want to experiment further in gore you might wanna do something M rated.
8/16/2018 c19 The Grey Coincidence
I've been having a shitty day, so it should come as no surprise that this was the highlight of it.
In regards to your authors note: I very much look forwards to the prospect of seeing you write some comedy. It is probably my favourite genre, and my writing has improved drastically in part because of it. I mean, they were always 'funny' but not deliberately so. I think the same can be said for this. Yes it's fun, and there were some good jokes here and there, but it wasn't a full comedy. I'd like to see you expand upon that, maybe not here but definetly in Musica. Not sure whether or not to recommend you do more than one fic at a time. But who am I to judge? It varies from person to person. Some people find it quite easy to work on multiple stories (I am one of them, since my mind is turbulent), others struggle to balance updates (I am also one... alas Hercules is so neglected).
But I don't mind. You can write what you want and I'll read it (if it's in a fandom I'm interested in or you are an author who's work I like... which you are... so yeah). Plus Musica is KFP so obviously I'mma read it.
And obviously you'd enjoy writing fight scenes, you seem to have a penchant for very chaotic battles, like this and the Battle Royale, where there are a lot of members participating. I think this is definetly something you do that not a lot of other people do. I primarily do one on one fight scenes because it's easier to organize. Sometimes, yeah two on one, three on one, etc. But people quite rarely do two on two or... three on three on two. It's something that helps you stand out as an author. I like it.
It's interesting that Nabiki's powers come out when she needs them the most. Her ORANGE BALL OF DOOM is certainly an interesting move. I think it's fair to say that of her peers Nabiki is probably the most talented. Perhaps she's not the most hard-working but she has got a great deal of natural talent.
Silly samurai, why are you trusting the Lin Quei? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Not all Japanese people have honour! Good thing Nabiki saved your asses.
Okay, looking forwards to more, perhaps an alliance will be formed, perhaps not.
Regardless Update soon.
I've been having a shitty day, so it should come as no surprise that this was the highlight of it.
In regards to your authors note: I very much look forwards to the prospect of seeing you write some comedy. It is probably my favourite genre, and my writing has improved drastically in part because of it. I mean, they were always 'funny' but not deliberately so. I think the same can be said for this. Yes it's fun, and there were some good jokes here and there, but it wasn't a full comedy. I'd like to see you expand upon that, maybe not here but definetly in Musica. Not sure whether or not to recommend you do more than one fic at a time. But who am I to judge? It varies from person to person. Some people find it quite easy to work on multiple stories (I am one of them, since my mind is turbulent), others struggle to balance updates (I am also one... alas Hercules is so neglected).
But I don't mind. You can write what you want and I'll read it (if it's in a fandom I'm interested in or you are an author who's work I like... which you are... so yeah). Plus Musica is KFP so obviously I'mma read it.
And obviously you'd enjoy writing fight scenes, you seem to have a penchant for very chaotic battles, like this and the Battle Royale, where there are a lot of members participating. I think this is definetly something you do that not a lot of other people do. I primarily do one on one fight scenes because it's easier to organize. Sometimes, yeah two on one, three on one, etc. But people quite rarely do two on two or... three on three on two. It's something that helps you stand out as an author. I like it.
It's interesting that Nabiki's powers come out when she needs them the most. Her ORANGE BALL OF DOOM is certainly an interesting move. I think it's fair to say that of her peers Nabiki is probably the most talented. Perhaps she's not the most hard-working but she has got a great deal of natural talent.
Silly samurai, why are you trusting the Lin Quei? Tsk, tsk, tsk. Not all Japanese people have honour! Good thing Nabiki saved your asses.
Okay, looking forwards to more, perhaps an alliance will be formed, perhaps not.
Regardless Update soon.
8/14/2018 c18 The Grey Coincidence
A three on three battle. Oh yeah!
I like Kuro Kurai and Kura, like I mentioned they're all affably evil. I love the joy they have in robbing people! It's funny. Nice to see some karmic justice. While Ishin can win a game of Han and Cho very easily, Kura has lost no less than ten times in a row. This suggests that the Lin Kuei have very bad luck- which also suggests that they shall not triumph. The samurai are very dangerous, especially since they did not have to fight beforehand. Plus they are most likely more experienced than the ninjas. So I think in terms of skill,
Samurai
Ninja
Lin Quay
I think the samurai might take the win here and perhaps capture members of both parties. Or perhaps it's a three way victory and they all kidnap one another.
I look forwards to more.
Update soon.
A three on three battle. Oh yeah!
I like Kuro Kurai and Kura, like I mentioned they're all affably evil. I love the joy they have in robbing people! It's funny. Nice to see some karmic justice. While Ishin can win a game of Han and Cho very easily, Kura has lost no less than ten times in a row. This suggests that the Lin Kuei have very bad luck- which also suggests that they shall not triumph. The samurai are very dangerous, especially since they did not have to fight beforehand. Plus they are most likely more experienced than the ninjas. So I think in terms of skill,
Samurai
Ninja
Lin Quay
I think the samurai might take the win here and perhaps capture members of both parties. Or perhaps it's a three way victory and they all kidnap one another.
I look forwards to more.
Update soon.
8/12/2018 c17 The Grey Coincidence
I read this earlier today, but then I forgot to review, so ahem. Here's my review.
Yes! We're going to an inn! (well a gambling house, same thing!) This gives me The Heist vibes will all these parties coming together in one place for hopefully some action and a lot of comedy (I think). After the darkness of the past few chapters I'm really glad to read this, it serves as a nice pallete cleanser and wonderful juxtaposition.
I think you've improved both Yijiro and Kira from their LoA selves. I like that Kiba is still the 'uncontrollable' one.
It's fun to see Nabiki out with some other of her classmates. Nothing against Bao or Ka Suo, but it's nice to see her interactions with her other friends. Miu didn't stand out as much as Ishin, but that's hardly a criticism.
I also remember that the prologue is being affected now by the plot. I assume the first part of this chapter takes place in the same place as the prologue (first chapter) of this fic with all the boar bandits?
I also like the wolf trio. Affably Evil characters are some of my favourites and you can have a lot of fun with them, which seems to be what you're doing. Plus I like the disgust in some of the wolves in regards to forcing someone to commit suicide. Being loyal animals, it makes sense that they're not too pleased with that turn of events. I also have a feeling I know where they're going...
I see you did your research in regards to Japanese gambling, and I think it payed off.
Looks like Yijirou has caught onto something... this could mean trouble.
This was easily your best chapter so far. Your writing was never bad, but this flowed a lot easier.
Update soon!
I read this earlier today, but then I forgot to review, so ahem. Here's my review.
Yes! We're going to an inn! (well a gambling house, same thing!) This gives me The Heist vibes will all these parties coming together in one place for hopefully some action and a lot of comedy (I think). After the darkness of the past few chapters I'm really glad to read this, it serves as a nice pallete cleanser and wonderful juxtaposition.
I think you've improved both Yijiro and Kira from their LoA selves. I like that Kiba is still the 'uncontrollable' one.
It's fun to see Nabiki out with some other of her classmates. Nothing against Bao or Ka Suo, but it's nice to see her interactions with her other friends. Miu didn't stand out as much as Ishin, but that's hardly a criticism.
I also remember that the prologue is being affected now by the plot. I assume the first part of this chapter takes place in the same place as the prologue (first chapter) of this fic with all the boar bandits?
I also like the wolf trio. Affably Evil characters are some of my favourites and you can have a lot of fun with them, which seems to be what you're doing. Plus I like the disgust in some of the wolves in regards to forcing someone to commit suicide. Being loyal animals, it makes sense that they're not too pleased with that turn of events. I also have a feeling I know where they're going...
I see you did your research in regards to Japanese gambling, and I think it payed off.
Looks like Yijirou has caught onto something... this could mean trouble.
This was easily your best chapter so far. Your writing was never bad, but this flowed a lot easier.
Update soon!
8/6/2018 c16 The Grey Coincidence
Ah... Tigress... in love with a... you know I'll just say this again. LoA is baaaaaaaad fanfiction. Some of the worst stuff I've seen. Really? Proffesionals done this? How can amateur young people on computers on Fanfiction dot net with no loves do better than you Nickelodeon! How?!
Ahem. I've been writing long ass reviews all day, so you'll forgive me if it's brief.
I really want to see the samurai working with the ninja. Your take on the political landscape of Japan fascinates me. From what I understand it's many ninja clans and many samurai clans, but all live in secrecy to one another. And there are probably some cities where the ordinary people can mingle or this is like Naruto just with more Hidden clans and villages?
I wouldn't reccomend doing this since you might loose your squeamish fanbase, but perhaps the next time, I'd like to see more of the destruction caused rather than having people lament the destruction.
I'm interested in seeing what Nabiki and co's reaction is going to be towards the samurai.
Okay... not as brief as I thought lol.
Update soon!
Ah... Tigress... in love with a... you know I'll just say this again. LoA is baaaaaaaad fanfiction. Some of the worst stuff I've seen. Really? Proffesionals done this? How can amateur young people on computers on Fanfiction dot net with no loves do better than you Nickelodeon! How?!
Ahem. I've been writing long ass reviews all day, so you'll forgive me if it's brief.
I really want to see the samurai working with the ninja. Your take on the political landscape of Japan fascinates me. From what I understand it's many ninja clans and many samurai clans, but all live in secrecy to one another. And there are probably some cities where the ordinary people can mingle or this is like Naruto just with more Hidden clans and villages?
I wouldn't reccomend doing this since you might loose your squeamish fanbase, but perhaps the next time, I'd like to see more of the destruction caused rather than having people lament the destruction.
I'm interested in seeing what Nabiki and co's reaction is going to be towards the samurai.
Okay... not as brief as I thought lol.
Update soon!
7/26/2018 c15 The Grey Coincidence
I like a healthy balance of light and dark in stories. This was quite morbid but nothing much (for me anyways, I mean you could have certainly gone into more detail). Now things are starting to escalate, and come to a head. I wonder will the ninjas be ready.
Update soon.
I like a healthy balance of light and dark in stories. This was quite morbid but nothing much (for me anyways, I mean you could have certainly gone into more detail). Now things are starting to escalate, and come to a head. I wonder will the ninjas be ready.
Update soon.
7/13/2018 c14 The Grey Coincidence
I don't think the ending sounded bad I'd say it was pretty memorable. This was a fun little chapter and now I'm very interested in what the orange balls can do, hopefully Nabiki can master them before the Lin Quay show their ugly faces! I also liked the montage of what the others were learning, pretty entertaining.
Update soon!
I don't think the ending sounded bad I'd say it was pretty memorable. This was a fun little chapter and now I'm very interested in what the orange balls can do, hopefully Nabiki can master them before the Lin Quay show their ugly faces! I also liked the montage of what the others were learning, pretty entertaining.
Update soon!
7/12/2018 c13 The Grey Coincidence
Yes go us! A semi-long hiatus and then we're back in business!
I remember Mugan! I liked that episode a lot... Up until Tigress did an armpit fart, that was so OOC I refused to watch the rest of the episode.
Anywhooooo, I liked the development of Tenzo and Ka Suo's Master Student relation. I also am a fan of the changing of LoA lore, because I did like some of it, it just needed tweaking.
And finally
A BIG ORANGE BALL! That should come in handy later on!
Looking forwards to more.
Update soon!
Yes go us! A semi-long hiatus and then we're back in business!
I remember Mugan! I liked that episode a lot... Up until Tigress did an armpit fart, that was so OOC I refused to watch the rest of the episode.
Anywhooooo, I liked the development of Tenzo and Ka Suo's Master Student relation. I also am a fan of the changing of LoA lore, because I did like some of it, it just needed tweaking.
And finally
A BIG ORANGE BALL! That should come in handy later on!
Looking forwards to more.
Update soon!