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for Force of Nature

2/22/2018 c1 95SaoirseParisa
I'm totally echoing what everyone else says here, your writing is very poetic, but not so much so that it delves into pretentiousness or nauseating purple prose. I especially liked that first sentence. I've played Animal Parade but I haven't romanced Wizard, so I don't really know what he's like. But personally, I found it kind of funny that he expected kissing to taste like weird things, like burning fire or shooting stars. I can't imagine anyone thinking of kisses like that.

The last part was especially melancholy, where he sees Molly's proposal as a warning of the pain that comes with marrying a mortal and outliving them. Your metaphors are all really great, and the short nature of the story makes it so they never outstay their welcome. And thanks! I'm glad you really liked the prompt challenge I proposed! Maybe I should do something like that more often. Anyway, I loved this one! Great job!
2/17/2018 c1 15CAPJHMPAgirl
Your writing style is so poetic. I loved how you incorporated your theme into the similes and metaphors. Overall, your story was a beautiful piece. The reader could feel the passion between Molly and Gale. I liked how you integrated the effects of Molly ringing the bells into the story and contrasted them with the Wizard's own training. Gale getting to be with his love again was sweet. Wonderful story!
2/13/2018 c1 38Lucy Kay
I absolutely loved how everything related back to nature. Every simile, every analogy, every metaphor. That was so cool! Very well thought out. Nothing felt repetitive with this formula you had going. It was more of a rhythm.

Gale is a favorite of mine, and it felt so right that this story was his. His name alone is appropriate for the theme, lol. I also have a major fascination with past lives and reincarnation, so I found this really intriguing. It was very solemn and a little sad but powerfully moving.

Some changes I'd recommend are "into the ocean" instead of "in to the ocean" because that stopped me personally, and I had to reread it. Same when it came to "with out ever learning" to "without" and "in to my memory" to "into" but that's more just me. You currently have "heartbret" when I think you meant "heartbeat," and "though rough linens" should be "through." Just general, little stuff like that caught my eye.

This was really cool and creative. I felt strangely in suspense while reading. Like I was on the edge of my seat, but I can't put my finger on what I was waiting for. You have an energetic style; it's contagious. Job well done! Thanks for writing!
2/13/2018 c1 31tapioca two-step
Um, yes. All of the yes. This is a fantastic piece. I love how your Molly is more than just a girl in this. All of your descriptions of her are so evocative and powerful. She actually feels dangerous in this, like all of her farm work and helping Castanet made her more than human.

"Her voice was a cautious warning. She was the ocean drawing back before the tsunami." I LOVE THIS LINE

I think you knocked the "nature" theme out of the park. Excellent job!
2/12/2018 c1 57Durotos
Even if you feel rusty, your writing certainly doesn't show it!

Your words are so poetic. I often find myself wishing I could paint pictures as vividly as yours. Your writing is this lovely balance of prose and poetry. Your metaphors are beautiful. It's honestly really hard to pick out a favorite line, but it would probably have to be comparison of her to the ocean and his eagerness to drown in her and all that implies. *Swoon*

The idea of his soulmate being reincarnated to meet him again and fall in love with him once more is so sweet. I always feel a little sad when I read love stories involving the Wizard because of his long lifespan and the inevitable truth that he'll outlive his partner. This twist offers a lovely sense of the fact that a lifetime is over in a blink of an eye and there is always the hope that she will meet him again.

I loved it!

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