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9/27/2018 c1 B Dizzy
dude he begged her to stay he promised her issues didn't bother him he offered to give him space and he would move to show her how she wasn't doing him a favor. He left messages on his answering machine proclaiming he was still in love with her and kept them up as the messages changed. Because of the way she left him which was supposed to be for his own good, but wouldn't listen to what he wanted, she knows hes too good for her and could do better, but he only wants her. He begged he pleaded he was willing to relocate. So why would she leave this guy unless she wasn't sure of her feelings for him, didn't really love him since she hardly thought of tried checking on him, or she wasn't to show her wild oats and get laid by a few guys she can't get pregnant so she can always go back and claim because of her issues she doesn't deserve to sleep with him. If Peeta was out banging other women she wouldn't go back because she claimed he wanted a family and she was making it easy for him by stepping back. If he was banging a fertile woman evan casually there would be hope for him and it would be obvious she left for her own good because she wanted to not to help. Also the answering machine message is a good way to scare off future gals willing to buying Peeta got played as usual another example that in Katniss world the saying goes a little differently than it does for most its what's good for my ex goose is that he holds a candle for his ex gander only and what's good for the gander is real good for the gander especially when you don't care if he knows were I been, but if he really loved me he wouldn't need another girl. That's why its unfair I don't care who sleeps with who, its that unless Peeta only dates or sleeps with another infertile woman who could never give him a child. Katniss wouldn't go back to him and claim that was the reason she left in the first place, or now is it ok to get back together even if one of him exes could possibly give him a child. I hope you understand what I'm getting at, she sets Peeta up were he cant attempt a relationship and get Katniss back, because being fertile shes always a better match for him in Ks opinion. so hes forced to be abstinent while Katniss gets to play and still come back when she wants to settle down, not need more Peeta s with stronger personalities and self worth I think Katniss is irredeemable at this point but what you can do is get her a little is a slutty piece of shit, we all agree but we don't know exactly what Peeta was doing even though he always kept the door open for Katniss. We all think he's a pussy, problem solved Peeta gets a little self respect back and Katniss gets a taste of what it feels like to be humiliated, ok, K and P are back together for a few weeks when either through phone records, finding womens clothes or jewelry in the house finds out that Peeta did try to move on but never gave up on her. Katniss can get mad but she left she encouraged it wasn't as trashy as Katniss he dated for a few weeks maybe 2 girls not just fucking finn and her has to accept it because of what she did. Peeta gains a little respect back cuz he wasn't pining for a slut. Then he gets the call that a girl thinks she's pregnant, you've gone this far u made Katniss unforgivable and Peeta spineless ,with no balls. flip the script. Let Katniss pay for her mistakes she always gets rewarded for her terrible behavior. She wants him back hes taking her regardless of what a pig she is and how much she hurt the see if she can forgive P for doing what she wanted. u gotta flip it I'd take her back and become super selfish lover Peeta she be lucky if she ever orgasmed again, I'd go in take mine and roll over make her sleep in the wet spot like she had to do with Finnick and G know those guys are treated her like a pig when a girl is admitting that she is madly in love with someone hes her dream guy and shes screwing you no strings attached how can you respect that. Maybe not Gale as much cuz they were fuckbuddies from way back although he was also with madge while with her.i am more amazed he took her back. u gotta even this up, either of girlfriends or K with VD P is too Pathetic
7/19/2018 c1 jayme
“k. I know you didn’t actually say it in this fic but I can imagine Peeta also trying other relationships just to keep it balanced in my head. “

Let’s try to think critically shall we? How would Peeta be able to date other women when he had a pining voicemail announcement about a woman he wanted to come back to him. Nothing in this story suggested that he dated other women. Nothing.

Katniss’s behavior was abysmal and you know it. Whether she planned to her back with Peeta or not it’s shitty of her to supposedly be so utterly torn up about her break up (that was ostensibly bc of fertility) that she immediately sleeps with three dudes right away. After telling Peeta she didn’t love him.

FOH with this
6/13/2018 c1 8gabzep
The beginning was sad and her leaving made since to her. I know you received a lots of negativity because of her sleeping around but because she initially was not planning to return to him there was no reason to be a monk. I know you didn’t actually say it in this fic but I can imagine Peeta also trying other relationships just to keep it balanced in my head.

I liked him on TV, it shows he was doing other things besides waiting by the phone. The way Glimmer won was funny.
4/28/2018 c1 James
Good questions from the commenter below. If she did have sex with gale she’s a cruddy bitch who doesn’t deserve Peeta’s time of day. He needs to move on. She has clearly moved on and so should he. Seriously. Don’t let that negativity back in your life bruh.
3/27/2018 c1 hillmangal
I hope you can answer this are we to assume that she had sex with gale in this? And that she actually
Has a heart and is capable of loving someone? She claimed she loved Peeta all along and that he was the man of her dreams but she sure doesn’t act like it. She already known she loved him so what is her motivation? I’m very curious
3/20/2018 c1 guest
longing for romeo stop lying. this story has good bones. however, if you think this is true to the characters then you are saying katniss is a fickle, feeble minded sex addict - when she is most likely demisexual and would never have casual sex with anyone - and you're saying peeta has no backbone - also not true since he stood up to everyone he could, including katniss.
2/23/2018 c1 guest
To append to my comment below - another suggestion is to have it be Katniss who runs backto Peeta. Yes she calls him but that’s a paltry display in relation to what she did. She’s the one who left after all so she’s the one who needs to atone and take all the initiative to go back. He did his part with the voicemail message. She called him but she should have shown up at his bakery as a good faith show that she was accepted responsibility and truly sorry for her cruel actions and realized her insecurity got in the way of good sense. That she had never stopped loving him and knew all along it was him. It should have ended with Her telling him she loved him.

Anyway, wishing you the motivation and continued courage to tweak and keep going.
2/23/2018 c1 guest
Thanks for posting an author’s note. It’s courageous if you to face the negative comments and keep this posted. I would love to see Peeta’s pov. Perhaps it would explain Katniss’s behavior.

As others have said your writing is good and the story has great potential. Your dialogue is realistic and the pacing is perfect. Even negative comments have praised your writing so remember that.

The song is definitely an everlark song. No doubt about it there really can’t be everlark without angst. The angst is fine. True everlakers expect it. It just has to be balanced with likability and self efficacy.

A true everlarker expects Katniss to be scared and confused about feelings and run away from them. If Katniss wants to run, fine. It’s kind of expected. What’s also expected to be true to character is for her to show some concern and care for Peeta, even while aparte. Like he’s alwsys on her mind and in her heart no matter how much she tries to run and deny it. Katniss isn’t as oblivious as she’s often portrayed and here you showed a Katniss who was in touch with her feelings already: stay with that theme and show her own exploration and growth (especially if the reason for her leaving is her finding out she can’t habe kids). And Peeta, while certainly in love with Katniss, does have a backbone and should be shown demanding respect. His strong self of self is one of the key things Katniss admires about hommso she wouldn’t love him if he were just a doormat.

The story can be tweaked in parts to be fabulous. I know it can. And adding a part from Peeta’s pov would be great. Like another reviewer suggested a beta would be a big help to help spot and fill in gaps.

Don’t stop writing angst.
2/22/2018 c1 25findingmymuse
Thank you guys for the feedback. Clearly angsty Katniss is not a character that I do well, but I wrote this story more for me than anyone because I love this song and always, always think about Hunger Games when I hear it. I nearly deleted the story because of all the negative reviews. I had been planning a follow-up chapter in Peeta's POV, but this'll have to suffice. There are thousands of Everlark fics, many of which portray Katniss as cold and Peeta as a wimp, but I'll have to work on it or just stick to the emotional pairing I'm better at.
2/21/2018 c1 M.V
Congrats! You made Katniss a completely unlikable SLUT.
Peeta is a little pussy in this. Is that how you wanted to portray him. Does he even have a dick?
2/20/2018 c1 Guest
I hope the negative reviews don't put you off writing because you are a very skilled writer, and I would love to read more from you.

The only problem with this particular fic, really, is that you've created a very unlikable protagonist in Katniss. Nobody likes to see their OTP break up or be in other relationships, but when the reason they're doing that is really flimsy, readers will lose sympathy with the character(s). One way this could have been lessened is if Peeta was also shown to have been trying to move on (he was the one who got dumped, after all), so that there would be *some* balance in the relationship. Katniss having an epiphany about her insecurities (which is what caused her to leave), rather than her love for Peeta (which she already knew from the beginning) would have helped, too, as this would signify character development and a maturation of their relationship.

It's probably a good idea to get a Beta reader for angsty fics, as they may picked up on problems that you don't see while writing the story.
2/19/2018 c1 Infiniti
Out of curiosity I read the lyrics for the song on which you based your story. I can totally see how you got everlark feels from it. I think you stumbled when you tried to include too many side stories and lost your path to conclusion. The big problem with this is that the supposed reasons for breakup and then her follow up behavior make no sense to either the characters or this story. She left a person she knew was the love of her life and man of her dreams without so much as a 5 minute conversation to give them a chance to work through it. She supposedly left because she couldn’t have kids and yet never not once thought of or mentioned that again. It makes no sense to for her to treat her dream man like shit on her heel. In canon she treated him poorly when he wa shighkacked becssue she felt she’d opened her heart to him and he rejected her (even though he had no control over that). What’s her excuse here?

It’s totally in character for Katniss to be afraid of the deep feelings she had for Peeta and to run away from those feelings. But that’s quite not the story you told.

This story had great potential. You write good dialogue and have a good sense of how to keep a reader engaged. In fact, Peeta’s “and PS If this is 12” line is among the best I’ve read or seen in any rom com and it was cool in the lyric for Austin. The line is perfect, especially coming from someone sweet cute and caring like him. Who could resist him. But what’s hard to swallow is that this line is wasted on a this utterly selfish version of Katniss.

Which leads to more constructive criticism. You really need to figure out what story you want to tell. As written, it’s a total non sequitur and results in no sympathy for this character you’re calling Katniss. . The conclusion does not follow from the story you laid out. She is playing out ‘The best way to get over someone is to get under someone’ but that doesn’t apply here because there was no doubt in her mind that she loved him and didn’t want to leave. It makes no sense to try and get over someone you didn’t want to leave and who didn’t want you to leave. If she had left and done at least some reflection and then called and heard the VM (like happens in the song) then it would make sense. She not only left him for no good reason she pretends to need to to get close to someone else to find out how much Peeta meant to her. That is illogical because she 100% knew what he meant to her. She didn’t need to do what she did to discover that. This is the worst attempt at noble idiocy I’ve seen.

If you wanted to tell a story of Katniss running away from her strong emotions for Peeta bc she was afraid she was in too deep, then tell that. If that’s the story you intended to tell then you needed to get rid of the red herring infertility storyline as it wouldn’t matter unless it were used as a reinforcement of why she felt she was in too deep emotionally. She ran away because she thought he could do better with someone who could give him kids. That was her main reason. So it didn’t make sense for her to fall in bed with a bunch of guys to forget. What’s she trying to forget? It makes sense if she’s trying to convince herself that she can have meaningless sex with random guys to forget about the intense love she felt for Peeta. It makes no sense if she left strictly because she couldn’t have kids. But even if she had left to run away from feeling that is misaligned with getting a new boyfriend. That’s not simply meaningless sex.

If you wanted to tell a story about infertility then tell that. She should have explored that while she was away and that should have been what brought them back together, since it was what tore them apart. Her sleeping with a bunch of men had absolutely nothing to do with her not being able to have a baby since she never even mentioned or thought about it again. But yet it’s the thing that made her leave her dream man. Again a non sequitor.

She also treated him like shit on her heel which is antithetical to her claims to love about and be concerned about him and his feelings and makes almost no one root for them. Evidence: “Darius was like a friend to her, more than a rebound, and it wasn't fair for him.“ BUT IT IS FAIR TO LEAVE THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE LIKE HE WAS A PIECE OF DOGSHIT ON YOUR SHOE. She showed more regard for her flings than she did for her dream guy. And she had no reason to be rebouding when she left bc she couldn’t have kids.

“He tried to hide it. But the look of utter detestation is a hard one to mask.” I think you mean devastation not detestation. Detestation means intense dislike. While this Katniss is easy to intensely dislike in this story I doubt Peeta felt or showed that to her. Which makes her treatment of him even more callous. Of course he was devastated because that’s how she felt too. But instead of letting herself and him work through that together she goes off and screws a bunch of guys.

And please, please please whichever story you planned to tell, if she is screwing other people at least show Peeta trying to move on. You don’t have to do his pov but could show her stalking his Facebook and finding out he’s in a relationship. Of course he’d never find a replacement for Katniss but that doesn’t mean he can get laid. Even in the song, saying I still love you doesn’t preclude at least attempting to be with someone else. And the narrator in the song didn’t run back to her after finding out she’d been with other men.

She knew she loved him and didn’t want to leave but only left because she thought she would be giving him what he wanted. He gave her no doubt that he loved her and wanted her; she knew he was the man of her dreams: so what did fucking other guys prove and what purpose did it serve besides unnecessary and salacious drama

Decide what story you’re telling and make the protagonist remotely likable. You have good bones but the motivations are jumbled.
2/19/2018 c1 1LongingForRomeo
I loved the portrayel of these charectors and the story you created for them.

I love how you told itdespite other commentsand believe it was true to the charectors.

great job,
please keep writing.
2/18/2018 c1 garrete
“her sort of best friend and her former boyfriend.’ Wait a minute she’s not sure whether Madge is her best friend calling her a ‘sort of’ friend. But she is sure that he was her boyfriend. I thought she wasn’t interested in anything serious and that the only reason they hooked her up with him was because neither wanted anything serious. But she referred to him as her boyfriend and even held hands with him. That’s awfully emotional for someone with no heart. Damn she is terrible and so is Peeta since he has no brain or courage. Scratching my head confused
2/18/2018 c1 guest 55
Good fucking Lord. This “woman” started dated as soon as she moved away and never stopped. Meanwhile Peeta is selling cars and competing in baking competitions but apparently a celibate monk. She’s an immature selfish brat. She’s also a slut. I hope she doesn’t give Peeta a disease. He better never go bareback with this whore.

Speaking of Peeta, this doesn’t resemble canon at all. You’ve created the worst versions of themselves. Thank god she’ll never be able to have a child. She isn’t even take mature enough to care of herself let alone try and parent anyone. And this”Peeta” is too gullible to be anyone’s parent.

Oh how this version of “Katniss” sucks (dick, apparently). Let us count the ways she sucks. Lmao:

1. She makes all the decisions to leave him and then has to soothe herself for her own actions and decisions by fucking a bunch of men. She is a loser who deserves to reap what she sows.

2. “"What do you want from me, Peeta?" A little respect and regard would be nice.

3. Peeta: "I want you to stay. To fight for us."

Katniss: “lol, nah. I only fight for my right to do what I want, which is fuck a bunch of men while you wait in line for me”

4. “Like falling for the kind baker who . . . looked nothing like the guys she usually dated.” And if the three guys she fucked are any indication she will screw anything. All of them look completely different.

5. “Prim didn't fully understand why her sister broke it off with Peeta, but she trusted Katniss.” Dumb move, Prim. This chick is not to be trusted.

6. “she dated random guys to get her mind off of the baker. Anyone to get the blonde haired, blue eyed man of her dreams out of her dreams.” Why the fuck would you leave the man of your dreams.

7. “feminist side of her was disgusted” Bitch you have no feminist side. You still fucked Finnick.

8. “She didn't know Gale and Madge were already "official." It shouldn't have surprised her, given the fact that she gave them permission to date-even encouraged it, but it felt odd her sort of best friend and her former boyfriend were public already.” So Katniss is both a slut and a liar. Now she’s saying gale was her boyfriend and that she is upset he’s with someone else. What the fuck is this story?! Lmao. She thought of him as her fucking boyfriend and Peeta stands there ready to accept any fucking bone she throws.

9. “Oh, yeah, Gale likes sourdough." And I also held hands with him and dreamed of having his kids. The only reason I left him is because he liked Madge. I really wanted to be with him (even though he would probably my never accept not being able to have kids, which never came up bc I never thought of it again.

10. "I didn't see it until I was with Gale. How much I couldn't get over you, even with someone great. No one could have my heart, because you still have it." But anyone can have my pussy! I serve it up on a platter to anyone. Just to be sure I loved you I had to fuck s bunch of folks. Even though I loved you and already knew you were the man of my dreams i had to make rsure by fucking the whole town. And you should thank Gale for making me see what I already knew.

Lmao. This is ridiculous drivel. Thanks for the laugh.
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