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for Narcissa's Chance

8/25/2019 c26 bkerrmom1
Action packed chapter ! Wow , excellent emotive content! I am looking forward to seeing what comes next !
8/25/2019 c12 bkerrmom1
Yes! Brilliant chapter ! Oooh, I can't imagine that Walberga will last long before the vow is broken and she is no more. This storyline is addicting and extremely well written !
8/25/2019 c2 bkerrmom1
I am looking forward to seeing Lucius get stepped on! I love the idea of a young Minerva getting flustered.
8/8/2019 c49 ripper34
Good story
8/7/2019 c6 Tony McNucklz
The conversations are stilted. Flat. Lacking in the reality of western adult human interaction and laden with how a keyboard warrior that has not developed adult interpersonal skills would think grown people ought to speak to one another. I am categorically NOT saying you are one of these people, in fact this sort of writing is common among people that have not had their writing professionally critiqued regularly, haven't read a very wide selection of literature, or are simply young enough that the mindset and loquation of an adult is not yet something the writer has experienced themselves. Maybe one of these applies, maybe none. No personal judgement here.
The story itself has good bones, you wisely left the 'how he got here' both simple in concept and vague in specifics, which is a boon as it prevents the reader from reading the opening premise and immediately losing their suspension of disbelief when a God of some sort deems this one character more worthy then all the other suffering people of a new life. The characters themselves and the intricacies of the budding relationships finding their own niches is well done, and will be much more solid if you work on the conversations. The fastest and most useful tool I've found to improve in this area is to read everything you put in quotations out loud. Imagine you are each character in the context of that moment in the chapter as the words come out of your mouth, and ask yourself if it sounds like something people would actually say. Do the words match the feelings. do the words and tone match what the character wants to project to whoever they are talking to. It's a simple exercise, but a helpful one.
Keep writing!
8/4/2019 c49 astolfo83
Ha, love it!
So almost done in a chapter or two?!
8/1/2019 c49 Tartufo
7/31/2019 c49 1shardiv
Please don't let Minerva's love go unrequited...
7/30/2019 c49 2Penny is wise
Awesome chapter.
7/25/2019 c49 artlover8992
I love your story and all the characters especially the young aurors of Ameila Bones and Diana Spencer. I can't wait to see what happens next.
7/22/2019 c49 Guest
Please update soon!
7/23/2019 c49 1A-Friend01
Keep it up
7/21/2019 c5 DevilsArray
7/21/2019 c4 DevilsArray
Loser why am I reading it. Fuk.
7/21/2019 c2 DevilsArray
Still a loser
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