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for The DJ from Oromoston

6/10/2018 c4 DarqueHellmutt
Loving the story! Just got an e-mail that Ch 5 will be up shortly, but I can't seem to locate a Chapter 4. Unless, of course, it's a numbering issue with the host site and they are calling the "prologue" Chapter 1 or something.

Also, I have seen a few errors, like dropped words, apparent inconsistencies and the like. VERY few, but enough to notice. If you don't have anyone close at hand to act as a proof-reader for you, I'd me more than happy to help out.
6/10/2018 c2 DarqueHellmutt
Early in Chapt I, section between "What? They're comfy." and "Mind letting me out Shelley?" she's to be a bit disjointed. You might want to review and rework. (goes back to reading the story...)
6/8/2018 c3 3Byron12
I enjoyed it giving insight into the characters and how they are interacting with one another
6/8/2018 c4 Byron12
It was amazing I'm definitely hooked on your story
6/1/2018 c3 3darksawr
After reviewing the story I have come to the verdict:

Your writing style is healthy and strong, in fact it reminds me a bit of my own.

Your knowledge of the universe you are writing this story in is virtually flawless which is good for any author.

Character development is arguably the most difficult thing for any author to accomplish and I feel that you are no exception. Pacing is also critical to development, so you want to make sure you draw out the events a bit so it makes your readers feel as though they are whitmessing it themselves.

All in all you got a great start.

I would be cautious about suggesting this to the original creators as most folks are apprehensive of introducing any foreign concepts into their works, but you should give it a go if you feel that they’ll like it.
5/19/2018 c2 3Byron12
Very solid form of writing I don't know much about the characters but they are cool
5/19/2018 c1 Byron12
A good start with this story

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