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6/17/2018 c3 Mooo
Mooooo...
6/6/2018 c14 Ironc
und weiter geht es.
Du hast eine sehr Humor-volle-Geschichte bis jetzt geschrieben, danke
6/6/2018 c7 Ironc
ein kapitel nur so zum lachen, danke.
3/27/2018 c1 2LuckyNumber1
Well, there was a good idea. However, you merged your dialogue with your story, and it became a mess of something. To help make it easier for you if you ever plan on typing up either more of this or just another story, when doing dialogue, which is character speech, you add quotations. Like for example, if I said, hey, it would be wrong, because I did not add the correct dialogue, which is the quotations, but if I said, "Hey", then it would be correct.
Other examples:
She said, "I did not make a good grade".
He replied, "why?"
See the characters are talking. It makes it better to separate between the scene, the action, and the speech. This makes readers interested, no one wants to see a movie where the person's mouth movements don't match with the voice or a scene is missing because the characters are at another section of what was described. It makes for awkward movies, well writing is exactly the same. However, it is very easy to make these mistakes in writing, because it's words instead of pictures. Nevertheless, this is all just food for thought, I saw really good ideas, just not implemented right, and that's alright. )

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