
10/3/2020 c18 pratham.bangalore
ah well, all's well that end's well. as long as the fic isn't killed off, everything's good. Was really surprised with how you actually came up with an idea for the casino scene considering when I read the previous chapter I really thought you had written yourself into a box. Still great chapter as always and looking forward to more! Thanks, author-sama
ah well, all's well that end's well. as long as the fic isn't killed off, everything's good. Was really surprised with how you actually came up with an idea for the casino scene considering when I read the previous chapter I really thought you had written yourself into a box. Still great chapter as always and looking forward to more! Thanks, author-sama
10/3/2020 c16
1RyderPhenex
finally the update I was waiting for, thanks ooh! great primordial god of lemoniness! thank u thank u

finally the update I was waiting for, thanks ooh! great primordial god of lemoniness! thank u thank u
9/21/2020 c6 mangled bit
was a complete nonsense - was complete nonsense
was a complete nonsense - was complete nonsense
9/21/2020 c6 mangled bit
sit on my laps, using her own body - sit on my lap, using your own body
sit on my laps, using her own body - sit on my lap, using your own body
9/21/2020 c6 Guest
to differentiate - to make a difference
Means very different things in that sentence
to differentiate - to make a difference
Means very different things in that sentence
9/21/2020 c3 typos
how likely for him - how likely would it be for him
how likely for him - how likely would it be for him
9/21/2020 c3 typos
show you the failure - show you failure
glad about her rivalry - glad for her rivalry
not caring the slight - not caring whether the slight
was titjob - was a titjob/titjobs
show you the failure - show you failure
glad about her rivalry - glad for her rivalry
not caring the slight - not caring whether the slight
was titjob - was a titjob/titjobs
9/21/2020 c2 article again
will follow winner's commands - will follow the winner's commands
will follow winner's commands - will follow the winner's commands
9/21/2020 c2 typo
a bet to prove it
a bet to prove it
9/21/2020 c2 articles
and Ninja world - and the Ninja world
You have a problem with articles in general, it also happens in every chapter, that you either leave one out, not using the when you should, or add one where you shouldn't
and Ninja world - and the Ninja world
You have a problem with articles in general, it also happens in every chapter, that you either leave one out, not using the when you should, or add one where you shouldn't
9/21/2020 c2 mangled bits
tugged almost all levers of her - tugged almost all her levers
what is definitely an orange juice - what is definitely orange juice
tugged almost all levers of her - tugged almost all her levers
what is definitely an orange juice - what is definitely orange juice
9/21/2020 c2 mangled sentence
looking the photos to reminiscent - looking at the photos to reminisce
You have a bit of a problem with incomplete sentences, it happens in all your stories, and every single chapter.
You should get a beta to go over what you've already written, in order to fix that.
looking the photos to reminiscent - looking at the photos to reminisce
You have a bit of a problem with incomplete sentences, it happens in all your stories, and every single chapter.
You should get a beta to go over what you've already written, in order to fix that.
9/21/2020 c1 typo
I sit, not I sat
I sit, not I sat
9/12/2020 c17 pratham.bangalore
dude it's been four months since you've updated this fic. really hope that you're doing well and that you haven't lost your muse for this fic.
dude it's been four months since you've updated this fic. really hope that you're doing well and that you haven't lost your muse for this fic.