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for Born to Conquer

4/2/2018 c1 Guest
Great start, a bit of advice for the future of the story don't spend forever on depressed Harry.
4/4/2018 c2 2mwinter1
Awaiting more.
4/4/2018 c2 Okami no Shinigami
Huh possible magical bond maby soul bond not often seen with Honks fics nice look into Harry's inner turmoil with the smear campaign and Ced's death it would be hilarious to see Harry pin Moody when they pick him up or maby judo through Shack when he puts his hand on his shoulder just to follow the theme you set up with Tonks
4/4/2018 c2 Dault3883 Barron Backslash
please dont forget to include hedwig in the story as much as possible for some reason she is missing in most story's

good chapter
4/4/2018 c2 3Yaw613
Thank you very much for telling me that you are posting the chapters as quickly as you can. I really appreciated it and liked it a lot. Please send me a pm when you post the next chapter. Thank you very much in advance.
4/4/2018 c2 MrBlue987
1) I'm not bastard... 2) thanks for the cookie.
Also Lymphoma can be beat. My dad was diagnosed when i was 5... i'm 22 now and hes still alive.
4/3/2018 c2 3ObsessedWithHPFanFic
Interesting and fun chapter. I liked the interaction between Harry and Tonks. Good luck with the chemo, yuck! Thanks for sharing.
4/1/2018 c1 jc
little confusing start
4/2/2018 c1 54timbarney110
Very interesting story so far add Fleur Delacour and make it Harry/ fleur/ tonks story
4/2/2018 c1 3Yaw613
Please write the next chapter already. Thank you very much. I really appreciated it and liked it a lot.
4/1/2018 c1 3Acolyte of the Blood Moon
The story is not bad, it's just that İ feel like the first half of the story is wasted. You build up this mysterious man, then you just go out and say he is Harry and have Tonks find out about it too. It feels like wasted effort. İt would have been better, at least in my opinion, if you kept it secret for just a little longer. Even if the genre savvy people already guessed it. Otherwise the story was fine.
4/1/2018 c1 1Mafioru Suzuki
I like this :D Good start to what I hope is a long story that you continue for a long time.

Get healthy, stay healthy, you can beat what you've got!
4/1/2018 c1 Smutley Do-Wrong
You might comb through, trying to edit so Tonks & ESPECIALLY Harry are not dropping such HUGE bits of info that should trigger WTF how do they KNOW THAT alarms (Tonks side) ... since Harry evidently knows her, it's mainly a Harry dumping info problem.
Adding to that, is the Harry-Lilly morph. (Bonus: it's a bit odd he responds, as if THE Lilly mentioned is OBVIOUS.

Suggestions: Harry morph gives NO CLUES, no resemblance to Harry, Lilly, James.
You could have that they bar-talked previously. Then there is less HUGE identity and other info clue dropping. Possibly off screen unseen "talking" smooths over some problems mentioned above. Main decision is if drawing out morph incognito Harry & Tonks meetups at the pub, inspires or worth the "filler" that might provide.

The wax mustache black hat Dumbledore "excuse" is simplistic and rather shallow plot. You could modify to a callous manipulative 4 greater good Dumbles. Then instead of Dumbles the excuse for Tonks ignoring Harry all those years. A more normal slow burn used. Plus, memories of an "infatuation" for a 10-15 month old (orphaned at 15 months), doesn't seem to transfer into a twenty something & and teen boy romance.
You could reduce her age from canon a few years. Keep a he's too young(Nym), she's too old to be interested (Harry), as bit of drama, delay angst, or slow burn.
4/1/2018 c1 guhgiog08e9rhiogoiheg98whgiogo
Nice start, looking forward to reading more!
4/1/2018 c1 10Philosophize
This is an interesting beginning, and I'll be watching it to see how it progresses.

I'll also offer some general advice, since you're starting out and aren't confident about being able to take this very far. First and foremost, outline.

Outline, outline, outline.

Go to the bottom, write where you want your protagonists to end up relative to each other, then fill in the middle to describe how you want to get there - both plot AND character development. Adjust the ending to take into account events in the middle. Don't force characters into a single outcome - both the end and the path to get there have to be plausible.

Outlining, even with just basic details, will make your story much better. It will allow you to foreshadow things, to keep the plot coherent, and so on. The more detailed the outline, the easier you may find it to actually write. Having writer's block is less likely when you have a sketch of events right in front of you.

Second, don't make it easy on your characters. A good story requires that your protagonist struggle to overcome obstacles in order to achieve his or her goals. The struggle is integral to both the plot and the character development. Without struggle, nothing very interesting happens and the character remains flat. A good plot is tense and exciting, with an ever-present chance of failure (and sometimes actual failure). A good character is one who learns, grows, and becomes better than they were at the start.

An over-powered character makes all of that difficult, if not impossible.

There is definitely something attractive about a Harry who curb-stomps his enemies. There's a reason why fix-it fics are popular. And if all you want to do is write a fix-it fic - a fic in which Harry doesn't suffer so much - then that's fine. But I get the impression that you want to write a substantive, good story - something that stands more-or-less on its own, despite using Rowling's elements. If that's the case, then you have to set aside all the fix-it elements like making Harry super-rich, super-powerful, the owner of everything, etc.

Basically, you have to stop making it easy for him. Instead, you need to go out of your way to make it harder for him. To make it your own story, you need to make it harder in ways that are different from what Rowling did. You need new enemies, new complications, new problems, etc. It'll still be a fanfic, but it'll be your own fic as well. And it won't simply be a fix-it fic.

So don't let Tonks fix everything. It's fine if she makes some things easier, but her presence has to make other things harder - it has to introduce new problems that he has to struggle to overcome.

Also, don't let Harry be too smart, too powerful, too rich, etc. If you give him more of something (like knowledge of being manipulated), take away from somewhere else (like resources he can depend upon).

Obviously you don't want your protagonist struggling *all* the time. In canon, Harry had victories (Quidditch) and times to relax. Note, though, that when it comes to the major plot issues, he's regularly stumbling, struggling, and having problems. McGonagall doens't help him with the stone, so the kids have to go off alone. Lockhart doens't help with the Basiliks and instead becomes an obstacle himself. Remus tries to help with Pettigrew, but transforms and makes everything worse.

See the pattern? Adults who are supposed to help not only don't, but frequently make existing problems worse. This forces Harry to struggle even more than he would otherwise. Even when he wins (nabs Pettigrew), his victories are dashed when new problems arise.

Always remember: struggle is good. Whether it's struggle against the elements, against other people, or against one's own character flaws, struggle is the only way to advance plot development and character development. Few people want to watch a sporting event where there's no real competition because one team or player totally dominate the other. Similarly, few people will care about a story in which the protagonist totally dominates and wins easily.

Good luck with both your story and your treatment!
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