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4/4/2018 c1 ABS120
Let’s me get this straight...

Besides the standard Apocrypha storyline, two ventren Masters of an alternative dimension are a third party.

Shirou, I think, could transform into a dragon. And give how he has similar abilities to his future counterpart, he could be considered a Servant Killer.

Besides that, the said Faker will eventually meet this dimension counterpart that has a different ideal mindset. Which would be topped off if he summoned EMIYA.

And then there’s the elephant in the room, the conflict between Arturia and Mordred. If they encounter each other, which they will, then Romania will be a similar battleground like the Battle of Camlamn.

Besides those points, with the two teams that each have seven Servants and a Ruler presiding the War as well, this should be an interesting Grand Holy Grail War.
4/4/2018 c1 Spiderwl
4/4/2018 c1 2The Big Gey
If there's a good story, I follow and favorite it. It's my personal rule.
4/4/2018 c1 psychominer
This is gonna be great
4/4/2018 c1 Guest
Let me guess. Shirou will transform like Sieg does. And instantly hate Zelretch because it's EMIYA.
4/4/2018 c1 Guest
"Was some ancient collective of demons possessing the body of the inventor of magecraft in order to erase all existence ?!"
That is strangely specific, almost as if it's a real thing
4/3/2018 c1 9jmspikey
and now we wait for the meeting between Shirou and Shirou that should be fun.
4/3/2018 c1 DerpfaceKotomine
So Shirou’s gonna transform into GARcher? It’s the only reason i can think of for him to have Deadcount Shapeshifter Command Spells.
4/3/2018 c1 1Wintersmith23
Well. Looking forward to this. Unfortunately, I now want Burger King and it's past midnight. ugh.
4/3/2018 c1 Yuan09
I hope you can finish this story.
4/3/2018 c1 6StoryReiter
Have fun with the beggagle of casts. Also, Shirou's going to have a field day seeing the Noble Phantasms and since he's basically an Archer 0.09 expy, he has long range vision for scouting and is basically a Servant killer UNDER the right conditions. Seriously though, have fun with the cast. Especially Mor-Mor and Arthur... Id love to see Shirou tracing Caliburn and sticking to the ground in the middle of the town in Trifas. Beware of Shirou Kotomine and his wish since mr. "I try to save everyone" might get roped in. Does Kotomine have limited Revelation? Does he still have one as an irregular Servant? Oh and Jeanne and Sieg! Siegfried as well! Shirous spiritual ancestor as a wandering hero for everyone. Yup so much stuff to see and the possibilities.
4/3/2018 c1 21Draconic
Okay, but you do realize that you're taking on a pretty heavy burden here, right? The original apocrypha wasn't handled very well, and that means that you're going to have to do certain things. There were a number of points in canon that were just handled very poorly, so you should address these things in particular:

- Siegfried. Just... Siegfried. You probably already have some idea what I'm referring to. His actions were highly irrational, and just ridiculous in general. He could have saved even more people 'just because he wanted to,' if he hadn't torn out his heart, so the smart thing to do would be to make Gordes not be the person to find Sieg first.

- Give Seig an actual personality beyond wondering why he's doing anything, and talking to himself about it constantly. Maybe give him some sort of actual drive to do something that would give Jeanne a good reason to admire him. He'd honestly be more interesting anyway without his massively powerful yet still useless ability to transform.

- Fran's death. In terms of the narrative, she dies for literally no other reason than to resuscitate Sieg with Blasted Tree after he gets himself killed AGAIN because his decision-making process makes Shirou look like a rational human being who makes responsible decisions. At least he only charges headfirst into an enemy Servant's weapon once. Fran is yet another cool character who dies for Sieg. She's worth keeping around a bit longer even if only for a few more gags about her earnest desire to save electricity. It's not just Caules' computer that she unplugs in the overarching Nasuverse canon.

- You'll need to give Atalanta a death that makes more sense than her giving up everything about herself to turn herself into a scantly-clad rage monster because because she decided to follow a path suggested to her by a malignant illusion THAT SHE SAW THROUGH.

- Also very important, Saber's reaction to seeing Jeanne who's face is almost identical.

The premise is intriguing, so I'll follow it for now. From what I've sampled of your work, you seem competent at the very least, though I don't know whether you have what it takes to do this. Nevertheless, I hope you prove me wrong.

Oh, right, and just for my own amusement, be sure to make Spartacus as irredeemably wacky as he is in canon.

Be sure to use Beast's Lair's translated materials by the way instead of relying on the wiki. It's getting better, but it's still very unreliable. eg. according to the wiki, Robin Hood has an inherent dislike of architectural beams. Translated by a person who isn't an idiot, that would actually be a 'facade' or rather, people who put up a front and pretend to be something they're not.

Sorry for not reviewing the actual content of this chapter. I just felt that this needed to be said.
4/3/2018 c1 Stratos263
Good job on the start. Oh man if Mordred and Arturia meet it will be absolute pandaemonium
4/3/2018 c1 6Nerf585
Now this is gonna be good.
4/3/2018 c1 1Ultimate Kuuga
Great holy grail war? Just like Fate Apocrypha? You now have my attention! Great job.
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