1/31/2019 c7 3Azaira
I looked at the first chapter, and it immediately put me off.
Walls of text and shifting PoV is a quick interest killer.

Moved on to a later chapter to see if it changes. It got worse...
Have to be honest; I didn't read any of it.
Formatting puts off readers before plot ever will.

You need a clearly defined Point of View. Either keep it in First Person for a single character(per chapter, IF you MUST change), or third person for everything with a static scene. What you have is utter chaos.

Make sure your text are split into decently sized paragraphs. They can be as short as one word, or as long as ten sentences, however, once you go over five sentences, they tend to get cumbersome. So try to limit paragraphs to under five sentences, on average, unless they flow better with a longer design(rare, but happens).

You need to keep the paragraphs dedicated too. In a third person static scene, you may still wish to speak out different thoughts or actions from multiple characters. Each time you do, there needs to be a new and defined paragraph for each. So, people speaking; new paragraph each time someone different speaks.

My advice? Go find a story that has a formatting that you like. Use it as a basis to write your story. Stick to it, or evolve it in a way that is pleasant on the eyes. Once you do, rewrite your story. Go through the first several chapters, rework them in that design. Even if your writing gets much better in later chapters, if the beginning chapters are pushing away readers, nobody will ever see the improvement.

12/29/2018 c7 Guest
You need to separate paragraphs more because your work still looks like a huge wall of text. Also a general rule is that each time you switch characters in a conversation you should start a new paragraph otherwise it becomes really hard to follow who is speaking. Lines said by the same person without interruption are the only cases where two lines of speech should be in the same paragraph.

Another thing is that I don't like how often you change POV. This is more a personal preference but I think you loose a lot of detail when you switch so often. There are reasons why most professional writers stick to one POV per chapter after all.

5/11/2018 c5 wizar
A really good story!
But you really need to put a line between paragraphs, it will make it easier to read.

4/18/2018 c2 NineKings
Much better, much cleaner. it still needs some more fleshing out, but that will come in time. I got your message 3-5 is what is taught in English class so try not to exceed 7, no matter how much u think u should. If u hit 8 turn it into 5 and 3, it will help cut down on the grammar perfectionists from hunting u in the reviews.
Turning Steve into a marvel God interesting. I'll be honest I'm more interested in tony Starks technological influence on the mass effect universe and vice versa. Keep the chaps coming and stay true to your story always.
Good luck.