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3/2 c7 1Xanran
This chapter somewhat makes up for the last chapter, but all of my previous points about interruption still stands.

I feel I should also say that I do not mean to offend you with any of my words. All of this was merely criticism in hopes you can better yourself.
3/2 c6 Xanran
Okay. Whenever a new person starts speaking in a dialogue, there is always, no exceptions, a new paragraph for that person. Additionally, when that new person first starts talking in a conversation, or if more than 2 people are talking, there must be a dialogue tag that denotes who was speaking. It may not necessarily need to use the person's name, but if it does indeed not use the person's name, it still must be present. Say "a woman with red hair" or something similar.

Also, this chapter is very rushed and makes very little sense. Glynda is introduced in the most sudden way possible, and in the process, she unceremoniously derails a potential arc for 2 of the characters by completely bastardizing it. Instead of having the two characters talk and explain themselves, another character-from out of nowhere, I might add-involves themselves with their problems and, for all intents and purposes, forces the two characters to "solve their issues" instead of letting them be solved more naturally and interestingly. I would have much preferred to see Weiss explain what exactly happened to her in her childhood, or see Ruby try to get Weiss to understand what she feels every hour of the day, or see the two stop talking for a little and then have one of them be the better woman and push past the resentment. The last paragraph makes everything seem forced and it is significantly jarring. Every previous paragraph is building up to the second to last paragraph, and then the paragraph itself is literally interrupted and the entire plot of the chapter may as well have been non-existent. You could omit everything except for the final three paragraphs, and it would not have made a difference.

Moving on, the average word count of each chapter thus far is only about half of the minimum of what it should be. Though the word count varies wildly from author to author, they should generally fall from anywhere between 2.000 and 5.000 words. That way, the chapter can more easily remain moving, but it will not be rushed. Of course, merely adding more words will not suffice, as it may otherwise become dragged out. As a remedy, I would recommend focussing on two main events per chapter. Just because an important event had occurred does not mean that a new chapter should begin.
3/2 c4 Xanran
Why ask us if you should do something when you have already been doing it? You have been skipping over several events which happened. You should not be doing that at all because it ruins the flow of the story regardless of how unimportant it is compared to other events. Of course, if an event has absolutely no bearing on the plot and serves absolutely no purpose, then it should not be present, but I have yet to encounter any similar problems in this fanfiction.
2/5 c8 jacob
i like how you are doing the change with ruby being autistic funny thing is that i am autistic lol.
1/22 c3 Face Yourself
Okay, that is just plain not an acceptable way to write dialogue at all, no matter how much you assume familiarity. You can't just jam sentences together like that in the same paragraph with no indication of who is talking, especially in a three way conversation.
1/22 c1 Face Yourself
Even when you can assume all of your readers have seen at least the first episode of the source material, including transitions is still important. If someone hadn't seen it, they'd be totally lost because you write as though all of this is happening in the same place, with no time or other actions or dialogue in between at all.
1/21 c65 19chinaluv
This. Is. The. Best.! I reread the whole fic and loved it!
1/18 c1 firewyrm2
As someone who has high functioning autism, this sounds interesting, maybe I’ll look further into it.
8/15/2020 c3 Samuel Warshaw
Night bomber Regiment 588th
7/17/2020 c55 Rc Jackson
ok i kept thinking that they went with the prosthetics now im feeling weird that i seemed to misread all of that...but then i suppose i should hit myself in the head that physical therapy probably wouldnt include trying to get strength in legs when those legs are robotic.. cant believe i didnt think of that
7/4/2020 c60 chinaluv
Oooh
6/25/2020 c59 BLOOD DARKLING
Summer rose?
6/25/2020 c59 1StarWarsLover1998
Uh... Summer. Just a wild guess
6/25/2020 c59 bjenk4
It’s summer rose making an appearance
6/25/2020 c59 3DestinySkyDemon
Don't tell me... Summer!?
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