for Her Spike His Dawn5/1/2024 c1 Guest
Nope, it always feels like Dawns the second option, you write it like if Buffy was single Spike would have chosen Her instead of Dawn,
You know the one who actually sees him as a man, the one who was kind and loving to him first? FUCCKK it's like everyone who writes Dawn Spike fanfic don't actually like Dawn , pisses me off
Nope, it always feels like Dawns the second option, you write it like if Buffy was single Spike would have chosen Her instead of Dawn,
You know the one who actually sees him as a man, the one who was kind and loving to him first? FUCCKK it's like everyone who writes Dawn Spike fanfic don't actually like Dawn , pisses me off
1/7/2019 c3 Guest
I like it
I like it
4/21/2018 c1 
4Kayozm
So I've just had a look at this first chapter. It's a loooong time since I watched Buffy (I am OLD - I saw some of it when it was new (I think? Or was it re-runs? I'm sure I saw Angel as it was coming out), so my memory is probably a bit dodgy... I don't remember Dawn growing up? Is that your own idea - her stopping at 18, or was that in the series?
In any case, I like that she's a bit older than I remember her. Definitely an interesting pairing - Spike was a great character.
I'm finding the centred text a little distracting, is that deliberate? Also, the lack of commas... run on sentences work - to an extent - in her stream-of-consciousness style diary entry, but make it hard to follow the story properly, especially when it continues on past her diary. I find sometimes going back to it at the end (of writing) and trying to read it out loud helps me see where I need punctuation to make things clearer.
Did you switch from first person POV to third person deliberately? I did find that a bit disconcerting.
They are very cute in the morning. It's funny to me to read about vampires burning in the sun or sleeping - I've been so immersed in the twilight universe, I'd forgotten about "normal" vampires (if there is such a thing, LOL!).
4KayozmSo I've just had a look at this first chapter. It's a loooong time since I watched Buffy (I am OLD - I saw some of it when it was new (I think? Or was it re-runs? I'm sure I saw Angel as it was coming out), so my memory is probably a bit dodgy... I don't remember Dawn growing up? Is that your own idea - her stopping at 18, or was that in the series?
In any case, I like that she's a bit older than I remember her. Definitely an interesting pairing - Spike was a great character.
I'm finding the centred text a little distracting, is that deliberate? Also, the lack of commas... run on sentences work - to an extent - in her stream-of-consciousness style diary entry, but make it hard to follow the story properly, especially when it continues on past her diary. I find sometimes going back to it at the end (of writing) and trying to read it out loud helps me see where I need punctuation to make things clearer.
Did you switch from first person POV to third person deliberately? I did find that a bit disconcerting.
They are very cute in the morning. It's funny to me to read about vampires burning in the sun or sleeping - I've been so immersed in the twilight universe, I'd forgotten about "normal" vampires (if there is such a thing, LOL!).
4/19/2018 c3 10Angelalex242
It's great that you're writing Bangel stuff, but...your paragraph structure doesn't read very well.
10Angelalex242It's great that you're writing Bangel stuff, but...your paragraph structure doesn't read very well.