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for Her Spike His Dawn

1/7/2019 c3 Guest
I like it
4/21/2018 c1 3Kayozm
So I've just had a look at this first chapter. It's a loooong time since I watched Buffy (I am OLD - I saw some of it when it was new (I think? Or was it re-runs? I'm sure I saw Angel as it was coming out), so my memory is probably a bit dodgy... I don't remember Dawn growing up? Is that your own idea - her stopping at 18, or was that in the series?
In any case, I like that she's a bit older than I remember her. Definitely an interesting pairing - Spike was a great character.
I'm finding the centred text a little distracting, is that deliberate? Also, the lack of commas... run on sentences work - to an extent - in her stream-of-consciousness style diary entry, but make it hard to follow the story properly, especially when it continues on past her diary. I find sometimes going back to it at the end (of writing) and trying to read it out loud helps me see where I need punctuation to make things clearer.
Did you switch from first person POV to third person deliberately? I did find that a bit disconcerting.
They are very cute in the morning. It's funny to me to read about vampires burning in the sun or sleeping - I've been so immersed in the twilight universe, I'd forgotten about "normal" vampires (if there is such a thing, LOL!).
4/19/2018 c3 10Angelalex242
It's great that you're writing Bangel stuff, but...your paragraph structure doesn't read very well.

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