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for The Awakening That Never Was

11/18/2018 c2 Guest
I would suggest to not use ellipses exessively. A normal speech can function without them. If you can substitute something else (i.e. a comma) then do it. Otherwise your sentences will distract the readers. Only add ellipsis if only necessary (i.e. to set the tone).
Example: "I want the yellow one, but the red one is nice too." This sentence indicates that the speaker is saying their opinion clearly.
"I want the yellow one... but the red one is nice too." This sentence indicates that the speaker is hesitating, a slow speaker, or they have a slow mind.
I also noticed that you sometimes capitalizes some words? Is this a thing in your native language?
I'm sorry if I come off as rude. I really do enjoy the premise of this story but the ellipses is driving me crazy.
6/28/2018 c1 31Karma's Slave
This is great! i loved it, and i wouldn't mind a 3rd part. with the way the second one was left off. it does feel like there needs to be an aftermath. because even with two chapters i loved the scenario you've built up, it makes me as a reader want more of it.
4/21/2018 c2 31FlightfootKeyseeker
I like it! I guess if Roxas is Ven’s heart, then really, all that him fusing back with Ven’s body did was help him regain his memories, and his Keyblade. Neither Roxas nor Ven disappeared, since th difference between them were memories, and Ven appears to be regaining those.
4/18/2018 c1 miraculousshadow1997
Good Chapter But An Aftermath Chapter Would Be Nice.

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