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for The Sorcerer Saga

2/2/2020 c2 Smutley Do-Wrong
Seemed a drop in quality from chap 1.
Also more SPaGs but that improved in second half of the chapter.

Well, you chose #4. I had been thinking a good chance a parliament of owls would flock over to the Alvin house. Lot options there, like confused by wrong addressed letters, but as parliament grows, some owls figure it out, fly to Alvin house.
I wondered also, if would be usual SOP of disposable OC's once Harry goes to Hogwarts. OR if they'd not disappear like is SOP. OR if one or both kids might get Hogwarts letter (which btw: "genius" girl or both siblings prodigies. Yet Harry tutors. I might have missed it. But seems more glossed over hints the twins are younger, but not explicitly spelling out the age gap between them and Harry.)
2/2/2020 c1 Smutley Do-Wrong
There's concepts and events in discarded prologue that are recyclable in future chapters. Use them later if as you like...or not...

IMO the STYLE is significant of a change as the content differences in the rewrite. Discarded, IMO was a mainly "once upon a time" author narrator style. The replacement was more immersive, slight lean of 1st person, but definitely a lean toward more immersive Harry POV instead of "this and that happened" narration. The replacement IMO, fosters a more intimate "connection" between reader and the protagonist.(result being the reader should feel less like a detached spectator, and more like being in Harry's corner [on his team], more immersed in the action. The cliché "advice" I believe, is to "show, not tell a story", makes for more captivating tale.)
No complaints with replacement. If old version was posted. I'd suggest an added hole in the floor of the cupboard. Since rats wandering the super clean #4, seems a stretch to believe without added excuse for how/why .
2/1/2020 c7 Basilisk Girl67834
Great work so far. Can’t wait for an update
2/1/2020 c7 3ObsessedWithHPFanFic
Interesting chapter and I like that Harry is doing his best to get a handle on his new world. Thanks for sharing!
1/31/2020 c7 gwb620
Great chapter
1/30/2020 c7 scyfly
a lot of this story is random talk that dont add anything substantial to the story combined with the the fact that you lack the ability to capitivate the reader it get fairly tedious to read and ive skimmed passed a lot of it.
what gave quite bit of insight in the way you think was the half chapter wasted on the harry potter fantasy books. i was skipping this thinking who in their right mind would be interested in this only to end up reading your AN saying you thought it lame it was never done in the books. harry potter and the secret of atlantis, this already gives a reasonable idea of what the story is and in no way does it need to be explained
your english is also rather limited; it took harry several day to arrive at the dim lit story. here you are saying harry walked without stop for several days in knockturn ally to arrive at the story. had you simply used find the story you would not havr implied any tavel as arrive does. my advice if you lack to skills to do it proper then keep it simple instead of failing it, that being said ive read far worse
1/30/2020 c5 mckertis
And again, if some lock only reacts to a ring of a nobleman...how the hell would some peasant artisan in a shopping district create such a thing ? How many noblemen rings does he commonly deals with on a daily basis ? Ridiculous...
1/30/2020 c4 mckertis
Eh ? It is no more silly than saying : "i own a destroyed house ? fix it, pronto !". Just...who does that ? Many females will spend fucking YEARS choosing the fucking wallpaper, room by bloody room.
1/29/2020 c7 13Stephanie MRV
Ohhh I love this.
I bet he will be hermiones obsession.
Sadly she comes off as a bitch in some stories.
I get her wanting to know the information he has but it would not be her RIGHT to know. I hope he eventually sets her straight and denys her. No one should part with something of their because someone or a friends demands it
1/29/2020 c6 Stephanie MRV
I feel like I was forced to read one of those books my old friends used to own.
They would get all breathy and squeal.
I feel bad for him now. Hes the subject.
1/29/2020 c5 Stephanie MRV
Poor harry.
I do feel sorry for him
1/29/2020 c4 Stephanie MRV
Ohhhh I am sooo glad no one stole from his vault.
He better ask dumbles what he still has that belongs to him though.
1/29/2020 c7 Tandiian
I just picked up your story and I have to say I like what I am reading, some of your chapters get a bit wordy from time to time but your writing style is solid. This is a story type I haven't come across yet, the mixture of "powerful" but not extremely so and "Intelligent" without being innately genius, Harry may be very smart but it comes from working on it through learning everything he can about the world around himself.

Keep up the great work and keep evolving your writing style as its an ever growing skill!
1/29/2020 c3 Stephanie MRV
I hope Minerva finds a backbone and slaps albus.
Poor harry. All those people
7/1/2019 c6 princess2019
more please
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