for Monster Hunter Stories Ride On: Rex's Adventures12/12/2024 c2 adamfranklin.uu
I really enjoyed your article and was wondering if is it based on a truthful story or just your imagination.
I really enjoyed your article and was wondering if is it based on a truthful story or just your imagination.
4/28/2020 c3 Guest
How about you Wikia's like All anime fanon and fandoms Wikia, All Cartoons fanon and fandom Wikia etc. You can do Jewelpet fanon on all anime fanon and fandoms.
You can visit Community Central Wikia and see its page called Help:Create an account to find out how to create a Wikia account.
How about you Wikia's like All anime fanon and fandoms Wikia, All Cartoons fanon and fandom Wikia etc. You can do Jewelpet fanon on all anime fanon and fandoms.
You can visit Community Central Wikia and see its page called Help:Create an account to find out how to create a Wikia account.
3/7/2020 c1 NovaBeast13
If you like this story check out...
Menagerie by GiintokiSakata
Its a Fairy Tail fanfic
If you like this story check out...
Menagerie by GiintokiSakata
Its a Fairy Tail fanfic
2/18/2020 c1 zexal2
If you like this story there is a Pokemon x Fairy Tail crossover story you might be interested in:
The Pokemon Mage By: TheExcadrillComics
If you like this story there is a Pokemon x Fairy Tail crossover story you might be interested in:
The Pokemon Mage By: TheExcadrillComics
9/10/2019 c3 Sonic7
if you like this story check out
The second hero by ebjowik1 a Yugioh Gx fanfiction.
if you like this story check out
The second hero by ebjowik1 a Yugioh Gx fanfiction.
8/3/2019 c3 ILOVEANIME
i may be able to but will do at october 2019
i may be able to but will do at october 2019
12/20/2018 c1 
10Detective Desires
I'm not that familiar with this fandom, but, just judging from your writing, I would say you are a fairly good writer. I encourage you to keep it up. You describe things well.
10Detective DesiresI'm not that familiar with this fandom, but, just judging from your writing, I would say you are a fairly good writer. I encourage you to keep it up. You describe things well.
5/15/2018 c2 50CPlusHeroVT
I really don't know a lot about Monsters Hunters except for the fact that you fight against a giant monster. The gameplay kind of reminds me of Shadow Colossus.
Anyway, for your story, it is not bad, but not good enough in my opinion. Why? Well, just to get over with, there are a lot of in-grammar. Mostly they are the same. I think you are missing several commas when it needs to be in some sentences. I wish you didn't post a prologue that explains what you will write about. Your first chapter is what attracts your readers to see how interesting your story is. A short chapter that is not even a story chapter won't really catch your reader's attention. When I first noticed you uploaded it, I thought the first chapter will be the start of the story and your second chapter (this chapter) continues where you left off from first chapter.
If you are using Word to write your chapters, I suggest sign-up for Grammarly. It is very useful and you can get it for free (the paid version gives you better word suggestions when you are writing or typing). It would help you to make your correction, such as adding commas where it supposed to be use.
I hope my review helps you a lot and don't give up so easily. It takes time and dedication to master your creation.
50CPlusHeroVTI really don't know a lot about Monsters Hunters except for the fact that you fight against a giant monster. The gameplay kind of reminds me of Shadow Colossus.
Anyway, for your story, it is not bad, but not good enough in my opinion. Why? Well, just to get over with, there are a lot of in-grammar. Mostly they are the same. I think you are missing several commas when it needs to be in some sentences. I wish you didn't post a prologue that explains what you will write about. Your first chapter is what attracts your readers to see how interesting your story is. A short chapter that is not even a story chapter won't really catch your reader's attention. When I first noticed you uploaded it, I thought the first chapter will be the start of the story and your second chapter (this chapter) continues where you left off from first chapter.
If you are using Word to write your chapters, I suggest sign-up for Grammarly. It is very useful and you can get it for free (the paid version gives you better word suggestions when you are writing or typing). It would help you to make your correction, such as adding commas where it supposed to be use.
I hope my review helps you a lot and don't give up so easily. It takes time and dedication to master your creation.
5/11/2018 c2 9Talarc
Sorry again for the delay in reviewing this chapter. Keep in mind that this will be my honest opinion and anything I say in this review is a suggestion and not a demand. That being said, I hope you'll take what I've got to say on board. So, let's begin:
[Walking down to the market with a list in hand I said a few hellos to the stand owners making my way to the fresh produce.]
You want a comma after 'hand' since the first section is a separate, subordinate clause. Also, 'making my way to...' sounds awkward in this context. It would be better to write [as I made my way to...] since it makes it clear who the subject is and generally makes the sentence flow better.
[Oh were are my manners my name is Rex.]
You wanted 'where' instead of 'were'. You're missing some breaks in this sentence. I'd add a comma after 'oh' and a full stop (period) after 'manners' to create two sentences, so [Oh, where are my manners. My name is Rex.] which flows better.
[(styled similar to Natsu from Fairy Tail)]
So, one of the things about writing in the first person is that anything in the narration is taken to be something that the viewpoint character is thinking. This implies that Rex is aware of the other fictional character he's comparing himself to, which breaks immersion somewhat. Also, you don't need to list everything that the protagonist is wearing unless the specific details are relevant to the story (I know that I've done this in my earlier stories, but it's something that I need to work on as well).
[Although my dad died when I was really little so I don't really remember him, but many people told me that I'm just like him when he was my age.]
Since you started off the sentence with 'although', you don't need to include 'but' at the start of the main clause.
[and working along side her mother]
Here, alongside should be one word.
["Good afternoon Akane and Miss Mira" I said cheerfully.]
You're formatting dialogue incorrectly. You need to use a comma when following dialogue with a speech tag (‘said’, ‘yelled’, ‘whispered’ etc.) and a full stop (period) when following with anything else (verbs like ‘laughed’, ‘grinned’ or ‘giggled’ aren’t speech tags since they don’t describe the act of speaking. Ironically enough, the verb 'speak' also isn't a speech tag). For example:
“That was pretty funny,” she said.
“That was pretty funny.” She grinned. (note the capital for ‘She’ here).
Exclamation marks and question marks don’t change for speech tags or other verbs, but the pattern remains the same:
“That was pretty funny!” she said/“Was that funny?” she asked.
“That was pretty funny!” She grinned/“Was it supposed to be that funny?” She grinned.
Same rules apply if you’re following dialogue with another sentence:
“That was pretty funny.” A smile appeared on her face.
It’s never correct to leave dialogue with no punctuation:
“That was pretty funny” she said.
Additionally, you need to use a comma when addressing someone directly ["Good afternoon, Akane," I said.]
[Said Akane slightly confused.]
This needs a verb to connect 'slightly confused' to the rest of the sentence. For instance, [said Akane, sounding slightly confused.]. Alternatively, you could drop the speech tag and instead simply write [Akane seemed slightly confused.].
["Well my mom needed my help with a few things around the house and taking care of her Monsties" I replied. "Besides she got the okay from Dan today, plus she was been teaching me a few rider tips. Not to mention your not inc lass either".]
The way you've listed things in the second piece of dialogue makes the delivery sound quite wooden. Something like ["Well, my mom needed my help with a few things around the house and taking care of her Monsties. Plus, she got the okay from Dan today, so she's been giving me a few rider tips," I replied. "Besides, you're not in class either."] flows better and sounds more natural.
["Right mom?"]
Since 'Mom' is being used in place of her name here, it needs to be capitalised like one.
[I bushed slightly.]
Typo.
[Then she sanded me my groceries and I payed her.]
Another typo here (handed). Also, 'payed' is a rather archaic spelling - 'paid' is more commonplace.
[Later at night my mom Amy and I were enjoying our dinner]
Since you later say that Rex's mother is called Sarah, who is Amy?
["The only one you could match you cooking is probably Cheval's mom".]
This sentence seems to have become confused. Were you thinking of something along the lines of ["The only one who could match your cooking is probably Cheval's mom."]?
["Well at least they're alright minus the letchure they''l be getting from Dan" I said.]
Typo (lecture). Also, you've put in two apostrophes instead of a second L in 'they'll'.
[But my mind was too active wondering about tomorrow wondering what monstie I'll end up getting at the ceremony tomorrow.]
Without any kind of punctuation separating them, the two uses of 'wondering' seem repetitive. I'd suggest a dash so that it reads [But my mind was too active wondering about tomorrow - wondering what monstie I'll end up getting at the ceremony.]. Additionally, it's obvious from the context that the ceremony will be tomorrow, so I'd just drop the second 'tomorrow'.
["Well I just wanted to wish you goodnight and I have surprise for you in the morning."]
It seems kind of weird for his mother to give the already-restless Rex something else to get excited when he's supposed to be going to sleep. If she wanted to mention this, then the conversation over dinner would have been a better time. Either that or waiting until tomorrow.
As a general note, some of the problems I've pointed out (such as comma usage in particular) tend to crop up all through the chapter. If you don't already proofread your chapters, then I'd suggest doing that to comb out as many of the smaller errors as possible. If there are grammar rules that you're unfamiliar with, then it might be worthwhile trying to find someone in the Monster Hunter archive willing to be a beta reader.
I've talked a lot about grammar, so I'll move on to story. It feels like the story has started before the plot begins, which means that I don't feel like there's much payoff at the end of the chapter. I'm still not entirely sure what the plot is yet, which isn't a good thing at the end of chapter 2. It would have been better to have made it at least as far as Rex getting his monstie at the ceremony.
I also think that you should try and make your characters more engaging. The way different characters talk feels a bit samey to me and their individual personalities don't come through at the moment. The only exception is Rex, who has the benefit of narration to give him some more development. Dialogue in particular is rather wooden - try reading your dialogue out loud and see if it sounds like what you'd say in a real-life conversation. I also think you could have done with giving us a little more to go on with Dan and with Rex's friends who went to the Forbidden Land. It doesn't need to be much - just an off-hand comment from Rex or Akane about how their friends are always getting into trouble/don't normally do something like this adds some depth to their characters and makes it seem like Rex and Akane have a genuine relationship with them.
Anyway, I've written quite a lot and I don't think that there's anything else I need to cover. To end on a positive, I am genuinely interested in seeing where this story goes and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. If there's anything that you're not clear on, then feel free to PM me. Good luck!
9TalarcSorry again for the delay in reviewing this chapter. Keep in mind that this will be my honest opinion and anything I say in this review is a suggestion and not a demand. That being said, I hope you'll take what I've got to say on board. So, let's begin:
[Walking down to the market with a list in hand I said a few hellos to the stand owners making my way to the fresh produce.]
You want a comma after 'hand' since the first section is a separate, subordinate clause. Also, 'making my way to...' sounds awkward in this context. It would be better to write [as I made my way to...] since it makes it clear who the subject is and generally makes the sentence flow better.
[Oh were are my manners my name is Rex.]
You wanted 'where' instead of 'were'. You're missing some breaks in this sentence. I'd add a comma after 'oh' and a full stop (period) after 'manners' to create two sentences, so [Oh, where are my manners. My name is Rex.] which flows better.
[(styled similar to Natsu from Fairy Tail)]
So, one of the things about writing in the first person is that anything in the narration is taken to be something that the viewpoint character is thinking. This implies that Rex is aware of the other fictional character he's comparing himself to, which breaks immersion somewhat. Also, you don't need to list everything that the protagonist is wearing unless the specific details are relevant to the story (I know that I've done this in my earlier stories, but it's something that I need to work on as well).
[Although my dad died when I was really little so I don't really remember him, but many people told me that I'm just like him when he was my age.]
Since you started off the sentence with 'although', you don't need to include 'but' at the start of the main clause.
[and working along side her mother]
Here, alongside should be one word.
["Good afternoon Akane and Miss Mira" I said cheerfully.]
You're formatting dialogue incorrectly. You need to use a comma when following dialogue with a speech tag (‘said’, ‘yelled’, ‘whispered’ etc.) and a full stop (period) when following with anything else (verbs like ‘laughed’, ‘grinned’ or ‘giggled’ aren’t speech tags since they don’t describe the act of speaking. Ironically enough, the verb 'speak' also isn't a speech tag). For example:
“That was pretty funny,” she said.
“That was pretty funny.” She grinned. (note the capital for ‘She’ here).
Exclamation marks and question marks don’t change for speech tags or other verbs, but the pattern remains the same:
“That was pretty funny!” she said/“Was that funny?” she asked.
“That was pretty funny!” She grinned/“Was it supposed to be that funny?” She grinned.
Same rules apply if you’re following dialogue with another sentence:
“That was pretty funny.” A smile appeared on her face.
It’s never correct to leave dialogue with no punctuation:
“That was pretty funny” she said.
Additionally, you need to use a comma when addressing someone directly ["Good afternoon, Akane," I said.]
[Said Akane slightly confused.]
This needs a verb to connect 'slightly confused' to the rest of the sentence. For instance, [said Akane, sounding slightly confused.]. Alternatively, you could drop the speech tag and instead simply write [Akane seemed slightly confused.].
["Well my mom needed my help with a few things around the house and taking care of her Monsties" I replied. "Besides she got the okay from Dan today, plus she was been teaching me a few rider tips. Not to mention your not inc lass either".]
The way you've listed things in the second piece of dialogue makes the delivery sound quite wooden. Something like ["Well, my mom needed my help with a few things around the house and taking care of her Monsties. Plus, she got the okay from Dan today, so she's been giving me a few rider tips," I replied. "Besides, you're not in class either."] flows better and sounds more natural.
["Right mom?"]
Since 'Mom' is being used in place of her name here, it needs to be capitalised like one.
[I bushed slightly.]
Typo.
[Then she sanded me my groceries and I payed her.]
Another typo here (handed). Also, 'payed' is a rather archaic spelling - 'paid' is more commonplace.
[Later at night my mom Amy and I were enjoying our dinner]
Since you later say that Rex's mother is called Sarah, who is Amy?
["The only one you could match you cooking is probably Cheval's mom".]
This sentence seems to have become confused. Were you thinking of something along the lines of ["The only one who could match your cooking is probably Cheval's mom."]?
["Well at least they're alright minus the letchure they''l be getting from Dan" I said.]
Typo (lecture). Also, you've put in two apostrophes instead of a second L in 'they'll'.
[But my mind was too active wondering about tomorrow wondering what monstie I'll end up getting at the ceremony tomorrow.]
Without any kind of punctuation separating them, the two uses of 'wondering' seem repetitive. I'd suggest a dash so that it reads [But my mind was too active wondering about tomorrow - wondering what monstie I'll end up getting at the ceremony.]. Additionally, it's obvious from the context that the ceremony will be tomorrow, so I'd just drop the second 'tomorrow'.
["Well I just wanted to wish you goodnight and I have surprise for you in the morning."]
It seems kind of weird for his mother to give the already-restless Rex something else to get excited when he's supposed to be going to sleep. If she wanted to mention this, then the conversation over dinner would have been a better time. Either that or waiting until tomorrow.
As a general note, some of the problems I've pointed out (such as comma usage in particular) tend to crop up all through the chapter. If you don't already proofread your chapters, then I'd suggest doing that to comb out as many of the smaller errors as possible. If there are grammar rules that you're unfamiliar with, then it might be worthwhile trying to find someone in the Monster Hunter archive willing to be a beta reader.
I've talked a lot about grammar, so I'll move on to story. It feels like the story has started before the plot begins, which means that I don't feel like there's much payoff at the end of the chapter. I'm still not entirely sure what the plot is yet, which isn't a good thing at the end of chapter 2. It would have been better to have made it at least as far as Rex getting his monstie at the ceremony.
I also think that you should try and make your characters more engaging. The way different characters talk feels a bit samey to me and their individual personalities don't come through at the moment. The only exception is Rex, who has the benefit of narration to give him some more development. Dialogue in particular is rather wooden - try reading your dialogue out loud and see if it sounds like what you'd say in a real-life conversation. I also think you could have done with giving us a little more to go on with Dan and with Rex's friends who went to the Forbidden Land. It doesn't need to be much - just an off-hand comment from Rex or Akane about how their friends are always getting into trouble/don't normally do something like this adds some depth to their characters and makes it seem like Rex and Akane have a genuine relationship with them.
Anyway, I've written quite a lot and I don't think that there's anything else I need to cover. To end on a positive, I am genuinely interested in seeing where this story goes and I'm looking forward to the next chapter. If there's anything that you're not clear on, then feel free to PM me. Good luck!
4/25/2018 c1 Talarc
As requested, I am here.
I feel like your summary could do with telling us more about what the story's plot will look like. At the moment it's a bit vague and doesn't really give us a clear indication of what we can expect going forwards.
[They Called them…]
Errant capital here.
[Cheif Omna]
Typo. Don't forget to proofread.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook the reader - it would be better to have something that at least introduces the protagonist and kicks off the plot. If you really wanted to have this prelude as a separate chapter, then it would have been better to post the next chapter at the same time.
I'm more than happy to keep reading and reviewing this story if you want me to, but I will say upfront that I have very little knowledge of Monster Hunter and probably won't be of much help when it comes to the finer details. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to reading more and I'm glad that I now have the opportunity to repay you for all your support over the years.
Good luck!
As requested, I am here.
I feel like your summary could do with telling us more about what the story's plot will look like. At the moment it's a bit vague and doesn't really give us a clear indication of what we can expect going forwards.
[They Called them…]
Errant capital here.
[Cheif Omna]
Typo. Don't forget to proofread.
This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook the reader - it would be better to have something that at least introduces the protagonist and kicks off the plot. If you really wanted to have this prelude as a separate chapter, then it would have been better to post the next chapter at the same time.
I'm more than happy to keep reading and reviewing this story if you want me to, but I will say upfront that I have very little knowledge of Monster Hunter and probably won't be of much help when it comes to the finer details. Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to reading more and I'm glad that I now have the opportunity to repay you for all your support over the years.
Good luck!