for Not All Who Wander1/31/2023 c11 Gamma52775
This is by far one of my favorite halo stores on this site and I hope you update it!
This is by far one of my favorite halo stores on this site and I hope you update it!
9/24/2020 c11 The One Who Reads Too Much
Easily one of the best Halo stories I've ever read. The world building and characterization really draws me into each of the stories so far, even with the looming apocalypse in the background.
Easily one of the best Halo stories I've ever read. The world building and characterization really draws me into each of the stories so far, even with the looming apocalypse in the background.
7/24/2020 c11 
2k+Hawki
So, it’s been eleven months since I reviewed the last chapter. Good to see that you’re still alive and kicking, but it will mean that I’ll have forgotten a lot about what came before.
Anyway:
-…huh. Turns out “deicide” is an actual word. Well, the more you know.
Snark aside, the epigraph does a nice job of tying in with the Gravemind’s monologues in ‘Halo 2’, so good job there. Actually, frankly, it does a good job of standing on its own, period. The idea of the Covenant misreading the Flood so badly (the idea of a ‘plague of the mind’) fits in with their M.O. of misinterpreting, well, everything about the Forerunners, as is the idea of them singing hymns and whatnot as a form of defence. So very solid intro.
-Moving on, first section is okay. Has good imagery.
-“…with the desparate combat that Quatch hadn’t seen since the war.”
Um, isn’t the war still technically going?
-“What,” Beringus wheezed. “Does Tartarus have to do with it.”
Should read “What,” Beringus wheezed, “does Tartarus have to do with it?”
-Since I’m commenting on this particularly, may as well sum up that the material up to this point is okay, more or less the same as the first section. Has good imagery. Unfortunately, while I remember the characters’ names, the time that’s passed makes it hard to connect with them, among other things. Still, Alcyonious does carry a presence that the other characters lack, for whatever reason. Which is a statement that does seem to be in keeping with my impressions of previous chapters and my reviews of them.
-“Rich people could be seven kinds of unreasonable, even in the best of times.”
Well, it’s good to know that there’s some constants between species in the universe. :(
-Again, may as well interject widely here. Again (and I’ve said this in previous chapters), there’s nothing really wrong with the writing, and it does a good job of getting into the technical side of things, but still can’t get invested in the characters that much. Alcyonious remains the one character I can latch onto (make of that what you will if you so desire). Like, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the kig-yar characters, nor is there anything wrong with the writing in of itself (frankly, it’s easily better than 90% of the writing on the site, but, yeah. Think I’ve said this before, so I won’t beat a dead horse. Least not in this part of the review.
-For what it’s worth, the asterisk does show up within the text. Truth be told, it’s kind of academic. Like, don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of the Covenant using a different number system without a base 10, but from a narrative standpoint it’s irrelevant, and from a worldbuilding standpoint, it’s just a tidbit. This isn’t a criticism, just an observation.
-Anyway, chapter as a whole. Again, not much to say other than what I’ve already said – writing is fine, but can’t really get invested in the characters. We’re eleven chapters in, still on High Charity, and it’s hard to say where the story is going. But still, in of itself, it does remain well written. So good job there.
2k+HawkiSo, it’s been eleven months since I reviewed the last chapter. Good to see that you’re still alive and kicking, but it will mean that I’ll have forgotten a lot about what came before.
Anyway:
-…huh. Turns out “deicide” is an actual word. Well, the more you know.
Snark aside, the epigraph does a nice job of tying in with the Gravemind’s monologues in ‘Halo 2’, so good job there. Actually, frankly, it does a good job of standing on its own, period. The idea of the Covenant misreading the Flood so badly (the idea of a ‘plague of the mind’) fits in with their M.O. of misinterpreting, well, everything about the Forerunners, as is the idea of them singing hymns and whatnot as a form of defence. So very solid intro.
-Moving on, first section is okay. Has good imagery.
-“…with the desparate combat that Quatch hadn’t seen since the war.”
Um, isn’t the war still technically going?
-“What,” Beringus wheezed. “Does Tartarus have to do with it.”
Should read “What,” Beringus wheezed, “does Tartarus have to do with it?”
-Since I’m commenting on this particularly, may as well sum up that the material up to this point is okay, more or less the same as the first section. Has good imagery. Unfortunately, while I remember the characters’ names, the time that’s passed makes it hard to connect with them, among other things. Still, Alcyonious does carry a presence that the other characters lack, for whatever reason. Which is a statement that does seem to be in keeping with my impressions of previous chapters and my reviews of them.
-“Rich people could be seven kinds of unreasonable, even in the best of times.”
Well, it’s good to know that there’s some constants between species in the universe. :(
-Again, may as well interject widely here. Again (and I’ve said this in previous chapters), there’s nothing really wrong with the writing, and it does a good job of getting into the technical side of things, but still can’t get invested in the characters that much. Alcyonious remains the one character I can latch onto (make of that what you will if you so desire). Like, there’s nothing inherently wrong with the kig-yar characters, nor is there anything wrong with the writing in of itself (frankly, it’s easily better than 90% of the writing on the site, but, yeah. Think I’ve said this before, so I won’t beat a dead horse. Least not in this part of the review.
-For what it’s worth, the asterisk does show up within the text. Truth be told, it’s kind of academic. Like, don’t get me wrong, I like the idea of the Covenant using a different number system without a base 10, but from a narrative standpoint it’s irrelevant, and from a worldbuilding standpoint, it’s just a tidbit. This isn’t a criticism, just an observation.
-Anyway, chapter as a whole. Again, not much to say other than what I’ve already said – writing is fine, but can’t really get invested in the characters. We’re eleven chapters in, still on High Charity, and it’s hard to say where the story is going. But still, in of itself, it does remain well written. So good job there.
7/12/2020 c11 cannonfodder43
Well I must say this new chapter has come as a most pleasant surprise after such a wait.
Finally the gang makes it to the ship, the Parhelia. And as do many others who have come seeking escape from assimilation. Going to be a hell of a fight keeping the Flood away long enough to get the ship fully underway. A messy and tense one at that.
As always I love the details that went into this chapter. I really like the Gravemind's taunting and attack at the very glue of the Covenant, its Faith. Attacking with the voices of said faith. Many killing themselves and yet many more singing and praying in opposition. The faith is wrong, but I cannot help but admire the rest of the Covenants continued belief in their Faith. Have empathy for them as they continue to fight despite everything going to hell and having no hope of salvation.
And of course the details regarding the reactivation of a mothballed ship. As someone studying to be an A&P mechanic, it is nice to see someone use such technical talk and seem to know the basics of what they are talking about. In this case, the details regarding start-up, procedures that now have to be ignored for expedience sake and the descriptions of how things work and the language and terminology. Obvious thought went into the techno-babble. Some find it boring, but I like it. For it shows the author cares and helps ground things further, and enhances immersion greatly.
A great chapter. I very much look forward to the next one.
Well I must say this new chapter has come as a most pleasant surprise after such a wait.
Finally the gang makes it to the ship, the Parhelia. And as do many others who have come seeking escape from assimilation. Going to be a hell of a fight keeping the Flood away long enough to get the ship fully underway. A messy and tense one at that.
As always I love the details that went into this chapter. I really like the Gravemind's taunting and attack at the very glue of the Covenant, its Faith. Attacking with the voices of said faith. Many killing themselves and yet many more singing and praying in opposition. The faith is wrong, but I cannot help but admire the rest of the Covenants continued belief in their Faith. Have empathy for them as they continue to fight despite everything going to hell and having no hope of salvation.
And of course the details regarding the reactivation of a mothballed ship. As someone studying to be an A&P mechanic, it is nice to see someone use such technical talk and seem to know the basics of what they are talking about. In this case, the details regarding start-up, procedures that now have to be ignored for expedience sake and the descriptions of how things work and the language and terminology. Obvious thought went into the techno-babble. Some find it boring, but I like it. For it shows the author cares and helps ground things further, and enhances immersion greatly.
A great chapter. I very much look forward to the next one.
7/10/2020 c11 100 percent gone
Alright, you're finally back!
Clearly the end is fast approaching, as the different perspectives intersecting demonstrates. What it will take to hold off the hordes of Flood long enough for the jump-starting process to be completed, I will eagerly wait to see.
Alright, you're finally back!
Clearly the end is fast approaching, as the different perspectives intersecting demonstrates. What it will take to hold off the hordes of Flood long enough for the jump-starting process to be completed, I will eagerly wait to see.
8/29/2019 c10 Hawki
-Nice intro.
-“Hold your tongue! That smacks of defeatism!”
I’d cut out “that smacks of defeatism.” The line “hold your tongue” alone conveys the sentiment behind the words, since we know the context they’re given in.
-That aside, it’s a decent first section. We’re back with Alcyonious, and maybe it’s because I find it easier to invest in his character, but the flow feels much better. There’s clear, defined stakes being presented here.
-Not too much to say. You mention it's one of the longest chapters in the story so far, and, yeah, it feels like it. We're at the tenth chapter, we're still in High Charity, and towards the end, we're given what amounts to one huge battle scene, after already coming off a few chapters prior that were already largely battle scenes.
Again, there's not much I can really criticize, but it's still hard to form an emotional investment with the characters at this point. Even Alcyonious feels subordinate to the events around him at this point. I guess that it's because he's reacting to said events rather than driving them.
-Nice intro.
-“Hold your tongue! That smacks of defeatism!”
I’d cut out “that smacks of defeatism.” The line “hold your tongue” alone conveys the sentiment behind the words, since we know the context they’re given in.
-That aside, it’s a decent first section. We’re back with Alcyonious, and maybe it’s because I find it easier to invest in his character, but the flow feels much better. There’s clear, defined stakes being presented here.
-Not too much to say. You mention it's one of the longest chapters in the story so far, and, yeah, it feels like it. We're at the tenth chapter, we're still in High Charity, and towards the end, we're given what amounts to one huge battle scene, after already coming off a few chapters prior that were already largely battle scenes.
Again, there's not much I can really criticize, but it's still hard to form an emotional investment with the characters at this point. Even Alcyonious feels subordinate to the events around him at this point. I guess that it's because he's reacting to said events rather than driving them.
8/29/2019 c9 Hawki
-Reads epigraph…
…so, er, does that mean humans should remember when we crawled down from the trees? 0_0
-Anyway, I’m afraid there’s not much else I can say. Remember how I said that the last few chapters benefitted from having a single POV with Alcyonius? Well, here, we’re technically sticking to a POV with Taol, but a lot of the stuff here feels ancillary to what’s going on at High Charity in the meantime.
So, in the end, I can’t really fault the chapter in any specific matter, but nothing about it really jumps out to me either.
-Reads epigraph…
…so, er, does that mean humans should remember when we crawled down from the trees? 0_0
-Anyway, I’m afraid there’s not much else I can say. Remember how I said that the last few chapters benefitted from having a single POV with Alcyonius? Well, here, we’re technically sticking to a POV with Taol, but a lot of the stuff here feels ancillary to what’s going on at High Charity in the meantime.
So, in the end, I can’t really fault the chapter in any specific matter, but nothing about it really jumps out to me either.
8/9/2019 c8 Hawki
-Chapter is named Paradise Lost in a setting that already lifts liberally from Abrahamic mythology.
Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
-Oh look, Tartarus gets to justify turning on Maccabeus and coming off as wise in the process. Well played…
-So, this kind of ties in with the whole ‘sterility’ thing I’ve mentioned in reviews prior, but credit where credit is due, there’s good wordpainting going on with the setup, as the Covenant forces prepare for the Flood and whatnot.
-So, while not a new concept, even for the setting, there’s something pleasingly cynical about how even in the face of the Flood, the jiralhanae and sangheili still can’t get along. So, good job there.
-“The feud with the sangheili is well over a thousand years old.”
Um, what? The jiralhanae were incorporated into the Covenant in 2492. That doesn’t even come to a century of feuding by the timeframe of this story.
-Anyway, it’s a pretty good section. While a lot of it is shouting, shouting, and more shouting, it’s done well, conveying the absurdity of the tensions by said shouting when faced with complete oblivion.
-“The Hierarchs swore that the other six would take up the slack.”
So, minor point, but this line feels really out of place here. It’s a human phrase that the Covenant have used verbatim. While small, it’s breaking suspension of disbelief.
Also, another minor point, but the Alcyonious speech as the ring prepares to fire? I get what you’re trying to do, but if anything, it actually detracts from the moment in my mind. Like, far as they know, the Great Journey’s about to begin, but Alcyonious (and by extension, the story) can’t be quiet and let the moment play out.
-Per the author’s note, TBH, I didn’t get any Destiny vibes here with the names. Or, anything really. I mean, you can certainly draw plenty of comparisons between Halo and Destiny, but none of them are endemic to this chapter (or story for that matter). All the jiralhanae names felt true to form, with the “us” suffix and whatnot. Granted, “Alcyonious” is a bit more…flowery, I guess, then most jiralhanae names (this being a race where their leader is called “Taraturs,” for Doylist reasons that are self-apparent), but other than that…yeah. Not seeing any “Cortas” or “Xuls” for instance.
-Anyway, very solid chapter. Might actually be the best one so far. Granted, a lot of that has to do with the focus on Alcyonious specifically, plus the tie-ins with distinct events in Halo 2. Still, writing flows well, and has a good sense of pace and scene. So, good job.
-Chapter is named Paradise Lost in a setting that already lifts liberally from Abrahamic mythology.
Coincidence? I THINK NOT!
-Oh look, Tartarus gets to justify turning on Maccabeus and coming off as wise in the process. Well played…
-So, this kind of ties in with the whole ‘sterility’ thing I’ve mentioned in reviews prior, but credit where credit is due, there’s good wordpainting going on with the setup, as the Covenant forces prepare for the Flood and whatnot.
-So, while not a new concept, even for the setting, there’s something pleasingly cynical about how even in the face of the Flood, the jiralhanae and sangheili still can’t get along. So, good job there.
-“The feud with the sangheili is well over a thousand years old.”
Um, what? The jiralhanae were incorporated into the Covenant in 2492. That doesn’t even come to a century of feuding by the timeframe of this story.
-Anyway, it’s a pretty good section. While a lot of it is shouting, shouting, and more shouting, it’s done well, conveying the absurdity of the tensions by said shouting when faced with complete oblivion.
-“The Hierarchs swore that the other six would take up the slack.”
So, minor point, but this line feels really out of place here. It’s a human phrase that the Covenant have used verbatim. While small, it’s breaking suspension of disbelief.
Also, another minor point, but the Alcyonious speech as the ring prepares to fire? I get what you’re trying to do, but if anything, it actually detracts from the moment in my mind. Like, far as they know, the Great Journey’s about to begin, but Alcyonious (and by extension, the story) can’t be quiet and let the moment play out.
-Per the author’s note, TBH, I didn’t get any Destiny vibes here with the names. Or, anything really. I mean, you can certainly draw plenty of comparisons between Halo and Destiny, but none of them are endemic to this chapter (or story for that matter). All the jiralhanae names felt true to form, with the “us” suffix and whatnot. Granted, “Alcyonious” is a bit more…flowery, I guess, then most jiralhanae names (this being a race where their leader is called “Taraturs,” for Doylist reasons that are self-apparent), but other than that…yeah. Not seeing any “Cortas” or “Xuls” for instance.
-Anyway, very solid chapter. Might actually be the best one so far. Granted, a lot of that has to do with the focus on Alcyonious specifically, plus the tie-ins with distinct events in Halo 2. Still, writing flows well, and has a good sense of pace and scene. So, good job.
7/28/2019 c7 Hawki
-Aw, suck it up Tartarus. You’ll get your chance for genocide eventually. :P
-Y’know, I couldn’t help but have déjà vu with the games when reading about the Phantom coming over. Like, “oh boy, I can take out its turrets, but I’m going to have to deal with ground forces regardless” sort of thing. Go figure.
-Anyway, this chapter is an improvement over the last one, but that’s more a subjective assertion than any kind of objective appraisal. I think it helps that we get a chapter entirely from the POV of a single character, and there’s a clear connection between events here, events on High Charity, and events on Delta Halo. That aside, the same strengths remain (pacing, formatting, arguably ‘feel,’ in as much that it’s got a military vibe to it), but also the same weaknesses – as in, there’s a kind of clinical sense to the story that one usually gets from military sci-fi in my experience.
Still, chapter was good. If the story narrows down on a few key characters and keeps the formatting/writing the same, then it’s a solid combination.
-Aw, suck it up Tartarus. You’ll get your chance for genocide eventually. :P
-Y’know, I couldn’t help but have déjà vu with the games when reading about the Phantom coming over. Like, “oh boy, I can take out its turrets, but I’m going to have to deal with ground forces regardless” sort of thing. Go figure.
-Anyway, this chapter is an improvement over the last one, but that’s more a subjective assertion than any kind of objective appraisal. I think it helps that we get a chapter entirely from the POV of a single character, and there’s a clear connection between events here, events on High Charity, and events on Delta Halo. That aside, the same strengths remain (pacing, formatting, arguably ‘feel,’ in as much that it’s got a military vibe to it), but also the same weaknesses – as in, there’s a kind of clinical sense to the story that one usually gets from military sci-fi in my experience.
Still, chapter was good. If the story narrows down on a few key characters and keeps the formatting/writing the same, then it’s a solid combination.
7/28/2019 c6 Hawki
So, can't comment too much. I'm afraid the time between reading chapters has made it hard for me to keep up to date on who's who, but per comments in previous reviews, some of that does have to do with the story itself. Like, again, very good from a technical standpoint, but the characters feel detached from it.
Still, flows well, and is formatted correctly. Which at times on this site, is a victory in of itself.
So, can't comment too much. I'm afraid the time between reading chapters has made it hard for me to keep up to date on who's who, but per comments in previous reviews, some of that does have to do with the story itself. Like, again, very good from a technical standpoint, but the characters feel detached from it.
Still, flows well, and is formatted correctly. Which at times on this site, is a victory in of itself.
6/15/2019 c10 cannonfodder43
Well what a chapter this was.
So Truth has now left the city and whatever resolve Alcyonius may have had just left with him.
And the Flood break through, like the water they exploited they found the gaps and pushed through. Relentless and unstoppable, like a force of nature. A flood of monsters in the metaphorical sense.
Painted a convincing scene of how it all came undone for the defenders. I loved the details as to how the Flood used the water systems, how Alcyonius realized what was about to happen. But powerless to stop it and then seeing for himself even from afar, that wall of possessed flesh.
"Things tumbled out of the wells of the cold spots. They were walls of flesh that looked like heart valves, but they must have been the size of canal locks. As soon as they were clear, the torrents redoubled. Now the water that poured down the slopes of the Firebreak was filthy and full of things that looked like polyps and maggots.
Alcyonius had the eye of a trained artilleryman. He realized that, to be seen at this distance, the things that swarmed in the water must be the size of houses."
Quite the image I must say. And to see him at a loss of words at the scale of calamity that has befallen them all. And to see what remained of his morale break, no longer willing to stand and fight to the end. The sheer scale of the fighting, again the visuals in this chapter are just stunning. As well as the emotional content and tension.
And now abandoning his legion; a foregone conclusion but I did not think it would happen this soon. Although given the scale of the fighting, the rapidly disintegrating defense and the knowledge that to him and for good reason most of his former legion is unworthy of saving, and of course he wants to live. Send Leleb and the others he can away, at least his conscious will be clean knowing he got him and the others out. Let Leleb speak negatively of him later, it does not matter.
And as visitor on spacebattles said in his review,
"How quickly fortunes change. One moment, Alcyonius dreams of rebuilding his Legion around his most loyal men, and the next they all but turn on him for abandoning a battle that is already lost."
Quite the observation that says so much about how different his thinking is from the rest of his kin. A relative pragmatist compared to the others and punished for it.
And our other intrepid band of survivors are getting ready to make their next move. All while the Flood approach. Quatch may not have immediately identified what Tur was referring to, stunned even by her revelations, it is quite clear and fortunate that he decided to pick up the pace.
A simply fantastic chapter. Anything I may have to add others on Spacebattles have already mentioned, even after all these years I am quite bad at this review writing process myself. Others are always more analytical and sharper than I am in my current mental state.
I very much look forward to what comes next, and my compliments to Xeno Major and Dovahkiin as well for their input in making this all come to life. As always, great work.
Well what a chapter this was.
So Truth has now left the city and whatever resolve Alcyonius may have had just left with him.
And the Flood break through, like the water they exploited they found the gaps and pushed through. Relentless and unstoppable, like a force of nature. A flood of monsters in the metaphorical sense.
Painted a convincing scene of how it all came undone for the defenders. I loved the details as to how the Flood used the water systems, how Alcyonius realized what was about to happen. But powerless to stop it and then seeing for himself even from afar, that wall of possessed flesh.
"Things tumbled out of the wells of the cold spots. They were walls of flesh that looked like heart valves, but they must have been the size of canal locks. As soon as they were clear, the torrents redoubled. Now the water that poured down the slopes of the Firebreak was filthy and full of things that looked like polyps and maggots.
Alcyonius had the eye of a trained artilleryman. He realized that, to be seen at this distance, the things that swarmed in the water must be the size of houses."
Quite the image I must say. And to see him at a loss of words at the scale of calamity that has befallen them all. And to see what remained of his morale break, no longer willing to stand and fight to the end. The sheer scale of the fighting, again the visuals in this chapter are just stunning. As well as the emotional content and tension.
And now abandoning his legion; a foregone conclusion but I did not think it would happen this soon. Although given the scale of the fighting, the rapidly disintegrating defense and the knowledge that to him and for good reason most of his former legion is unworthy of saving, and of course he wants to live. Send Leleb and the others he can away, at least his conscious will be clean knowing he got him and the others out. Let Leleb speak negatively of him later, it does not matter.
And as visitor on spacebattles said in his review,
"How quickly fortunes change. One moment, Alcyonius dreams of rebuilding his Legion around his most loyal men, and the next they all but turn on him for abandoning a battle that is already lost."
Quite the observation that says so much about how different his thinking is from the rest of his kin. A relative pragmatist compared to the others and punished for it.
And our other intrepid band of survivors are getting ready to make their next move. All while the Flood approach. Quatch may not have immediately identified what Tur was referring to, stunned even by her revelations, it is quite clear and fortunate that he decided to pick up the pace.
A simply fantastic chapter. Anything I may have to add others on Spacebattles have already mentioned, even after all these years I am quite bad at this review writing process myself. Others are always more analytical and sharper than I am in my current mental state.
I very much look forward to what comes next, and my compliments to Xeno Major and Dovahkiin as well for their input in making this all come to life. As always, great work.
5/29/2019 c5 2k+Hawki
-Looks at quote…
…um, yeah, pretty much.
-So, I’m going to comment on the fight section, because it’s kind of a microcosm of what’s been both the story’s greatest strengths and weaknesses. Like, on the one hand, the fight scene is written well. It certainly follows the ‘rules’ of fight scenes in writing, in that it successfully uses short, sharp sentences and regular line breaks to convey the flow of battle. Furthermore, I’ve got a reasonable sense of the layout of the battle, though granted, that this is taking place on High Charity in the timeframe of Halo 2 helps with that.
However, here lies the crux – here we have a new character with Alcyonius (unless I missed him from previous chapters, and a word search indicates that I didn’t). Thing is, it’s very hard to get invested in a character’s stakes (in battle) when the reader barely knows the character. All I know is that he’s a jiralhanae fighting sangheili, and in the story’s context, that doesn’t really distinguish him from any other jiralhanae on High Charity at this point in time. So coupled with how the story is already juggling between numerous other characters, it becomes very hard to get invested in yet another one at this point in time, let alone the stakes.
Might not have harped so much, but the character issue came up in the last review and the response, so thought it best to address it again here.
-The historian’s note is a nice touch, but the stickler in me is pointing it out that this is the fifth chapter, and there hasn’t been one until now. Like, technically that’s not an error, but still…
-Anyway, chapter is decent. Stuff I write about Alcyonius above is slightly mitigated by the following section in that we get some interaction between him and Leleb. But again, crux of the issue is that from a technical standpoint, writing is well done, but the characters still feel distant for me, least in as much as I’m not fully emotionally invested in them yet.
2k+Hawki-Looks at quote…
…um, yeah, pretty much.
-So, I’m going to comment on the fight section, because it’s kind of a microcosm of what’s been both the story’s greatest strengths and weaknesses. Like, on the one hand, the fight scene is written well. It certainly follows the ‘rules’ of fight scenes in writing, in that it successfully uses short, sharp sentences and regular line breaks to convey the flow of battle. Furthermore, I’ve got a reasonable sense of the layout of the battle, though granted, that this is taking place on High Charity in the timeframe of Halo 2 helps with that.
However, here lies the crux – here we have a new character with Alcyonius (unless I missed him from previous chapters, and a word search indicates that I didn’t). Thing is, it’s very hard to get invested in a character’s stakes (in battle) when the reader barely knows the character. All I know is that he’s a jiralhanae fighting sangheili, and in the story’s context, that doesn’t really distinguish him from any other jiralhanae on High Charity at this point in time. So coupled with how the story is already juggling between numerous other characters, it becomes very hard to get invested in yet another one at this point in time, let alone the stakes.
Might not have harped so much, but the character issue came up in the last review and the response, so thought it best to address it again here.
-The historian’s note is a nice touch, but the stickler in me is pointing it out that this is the fifth chapter, and there hasn’t been one until now. Like, technically that’s not an error, but still…
-Anyway, chapter is decent. Stuff I write about Alcyonius above is slightly mitigated by the following section in that we get some interaction between him and Leleb. But again, crux of the issue is that from a technical standpoint, writing is well done, but the characters still feel distant for me, least in as much as I’m not fully emotionally invested in them yet.
5/5/2019 c9 cannonfodder43
Getting a feel for Taol, tough yes, capable yes. But I liked what you said about her, "cracked all the way through and held together only by friction and the memory of the shape it was supposed to be."
It is a creative and descriptive line that puts her inner personal and emotional state into very visible and comprehensive perspective. A stern and tough person but even she did not come out of combat intact and forged correctly. Not a shattered person but one who is brittle. Another sharp hit may be all it takes to break her in the wrong moment and as we can see with her mental self-assurances, she is a lot closer to the breaking point than others would like.
And the gang carries through, hopefully their new tap into their enemies communication will warn them that even more terrible things are afoot.
And even despite the other local cease-fire in one place, other Covenant are still fighting one another despite of the looming danger. More lives lost for nothing, but in the end the Covenant was destined to collapse in on itself like this. With the way it was structured.
Overall a great chapter.
Getting a feel for Taol, tough yes, capable yes. But I liked what you said about her, "cracked all the way through and held together only by friction and the memory of the shape it was supposed to be."
It is a creative and descriptive line that puts her inner personal and emotional state into very visible and comprehensive perspective. A stern and tough person but even she did not come out of combat intact and forged correctly. Not a shattered person but one who is brittle. Another sharp hit may be all it takes to break her in the wrong moment and as we can see with her mental self-assurances, she is a lot closer to the breaking point than others would like.
And the gang carries through, hopefully their new tap into their enemies communication will warn them that even more terrible things are afoot.
And even despite the other local cease-fire in one place, other Covenant are still fighting one another despite of the looming danger. More lives lost for nothing, but in the end the Covenant was destined to collapse in on itself like this. With the way it was structured.
Overall a great chapter.