5/1/2019 c4 2k+Hawki
…or you could let people dig the grave, then lie in it, then get out before they pour dirt into it.
I mean, just saying. :p
-Anyway, there’s not too much else for me to say, for good or bad. I mean, it’s fine – it’s certainly better written than a lot of stuff on the site, but there’s no real thing that sticks out for good or ill. I’d say it’s fine, but playing semantics, I’ll elevate “fine” to “good” because in lieu of anything else to say, I can say that at least.
However, per your author’s note, I will say that few of the characters really feel that distinct to me at this point in time. Granted, because of limited time, I have to keep coming back to this story in segments, which is different from reading a novel where not only can I read it in longer periods, but don’t need to take time out to review it. So, take that for what it’s worth, but bear in mind that the outcome could be different if I was reading this in larger chunks.
…or you could let people dig the grave, then lie in it, then get out before they pour dirt into it.
I mean, just saying. :p
-Anyway, there’s not too much else for me to say, for good or bad. I mean, it’s fine – it’s certainly better written than a lot of stuff on the site, but there’s no real thing that sticks out for good or ill. I’d say it’s fine, but playing semantics, I’ll elevate “fine” to “good” because in lieu of anything else to say, I can say that at least.
However, per your author’s note, I will say that few of the characters really feel that distinct to me at this point in time. Granted, because of limited time, I have to keep coming back to this story in segments, which is different from reading a novel where not only can I read it in longer periods, but don’t need to take time out to review it. So, take that for what it’s worth, but bear in mind that the outcome could be different if I was reading this in larger chunks.
4/9/2019 c8 The rakiat
Well, have u ever read a piece of fiction and thought I’d deserved more recognition? Well this is it. After reading all the 8 chapters you got so far, I am really impressed that you are exploring a side of halo that is rarely seen.
as for the characters, it was a rough star with so many names and ranks, but slowly u set them up really well. Now I’m hoping to see how the “crew” will survive the next parts of halo.
And by the way, love the interactions some characters have with each other in quiet moments, showing a little bit of their personalities, it awesome. And by the way alcylus (sorry if I misspelled it) it’s a ruthless motherfucker. I am really eager to see the next chapter.
Well, have u ever read a piece of fiction and thought I’d deserved more recognition? Well this is it. After reading all the 8 chapters you got so far, I am really impressed that you are exploring a side of halo that is rarely seen.
as for the characters, it was a rough star with so many names and ranks, but slowly u set them up really well. Now I’m hoping to see how the “crew” will survive the next parts of halo.
And by the way, love the interactions some characters have with each other in quiet moments, showing a little bit of their personalities, it awesome. And by the way alcylus (sorry if I misspelled it) it’s a ruthless motherfucker. I am really eager to see the next chapter.
3/29/2019 c8 cannonfodder43
Finally got around to reading this after a busy few weeks. Your best chapter in my opinion thus far. Some good world building and character development in this one to go with the excellently paced and written drama. An tense build up from cowing insubordination, to an inspiring speech and demand/plee for allegiance and then their anguish and despair from seeing the Ring not activate. Alcyonuis's speech to his officers was great, I say you did a damn good job. He absolutely carried this chapter, can see it in my minds eye.
Always interesting to see how other writers view the Covenant, but between you and others the Brutes internal scheming remains in full view as a problem. No matter how it cycles people through leadership or promotes the strongest as per their mentality, it only promotes infighting when it is counterproductive at the worst of moments.
And with the Flood fast approaching, it will be hard for him to hold the line for any amount of time with officers already turning on him and demoralized.
A fantastic chapter, your hard work and the advice of your friends has paid off handsomely. I look forward to more of this.
Finally got around to reading this after a busy few weeks. Your best chapter in my opinion thus far. Some good world building and character development in this one to go with the excellently paced and written drama. An tense build up from cowing insubordination, to an inspiring speech and demand/plee for allegiance and then their anguish and despair from seeing the Ring not activate. Alcyonuis's speech to his officers was great, I say you did a damn good job. He absolutely carried this chapter, can see it in my minds eye.
Always interesting to see how other writers view the Covenant, but between you and others the Brutes internal scheming remains in full view as a problem. No matter how it cycles people through leadership or promotes the strongest as per their mentality, it only promotes infighting when it is counterproductive at the worst of moments.
And with the Flood fast approaching, it will be hard for him to hold the line for any amount of time with officers already turning on him and demoralized.
A fantastic chapter, your hard work and the advice of your friends has paid off handsomely. I look forward to more of this.
3/22/2019 c8 Broman
I've got to say this again (if I haven't) that this is one of the few halo fics that I actively enjoy. It's a combination of the excellent writing and story telling that does it. Also the very selective are you decided to write about. The fall of high charity,...and how it would be in the brutes control if it weren't for the flood.
I always forget that this story is about the crew members surviving the civil war and escaping high charity, not about the brutes rampaging.
It makes me wonder, if the elites and the brutes hadn't spent so many capitalships fighting each other...could they have jumped into high charity and simply glassed the place? I know a quarantine may have been impossible but it seems like it .ay have worked
Looking forward to the next one!
I've got to say this again (if I haven't) that this is one of the few halo fics that I actively enjoy. It's a combination of the excellent writing and story telling that does it. Also the very selective are you decided to write about. The fall of high charity,...and how it would be in the brutes control if it weren't for the flood.
I always forget that this story is about the crew members surviving the civil war and escaping high charity, not about the brutes rampaging.
It makes me wonder, if the elites and the brutes hadn't spent so many capitalships fighting each other...could they have jumped into high charity and simply glassed the place? I know a quarantine may have been impossible but it seems like it .ay have worked
Looking forward to the next one!
3/19/2019 c8 11Blackberry Avar
Thank you for taking the time to rewrite these chapters. This is good quality fanfiction and it's a shame that it took me so long to get around to reading it. Staying up late last night wasn't such a good idea...
Thank you for taking the time to rewrite these chapters. This is good quality fanfiction and it's a shame that it took me so long to get around to reading it. Staying up late last night wasn't such a good idea...
3/16/2019 c7 cannonfodder43
So the Flood approaches and they lay (for the most part) aside their animosities to delay the oncoming doom. And try as they might, they are not ready. A shame really, to see such an impressive city full of character and history lost to the Flood.
Still nice to see that they are fighting back as best they can and people are getting out. Not a full blown breakdown like it would likewise be portrayed as.
So the Flood approaches and they lay (for the most part) aside their animosities to delay the oncoming doom. And try as they might, they are not ready. A shame really, to see such an impressive city full of character and history lost to the Flood.
Still nice to see that they are fighting back as best they can and people are getting out. Not a full blown breakdown like it would likewise be portrayed as.
3/14/2019 c7 Blackberry Avar
Of course, Tartarus isn't going to activate the Halo (for reasons we all know and love), and thus I predict Alcyonius's plans are going to come to a very bad end. A. He gets killed by the UNSC or some faction of the Covenant. B. He gets absorbed by the flood and then killed by some faction of the Covenant or the UNSC. C. He escapes.
C is the least likely of the three. Lehe seems interesting, if somewhat green. We'll see what happens to him soon.
Of course, Tartarus isn't going to activate the Halo (for reasons we all know and love), and thus I predict Alcyonius's plans are going to come to a very bad end. A. He gets killed by the UNSC or some faction of the Covenant. B. He gets absorbed by the flood and then killed by some faction of the Covenant or the UNSC. C. He escapes.
C is the least likely of the three. Lehe seems interesting, if somewhat green. We'll see what happens to him soon.
3/14/2019 c3 2k+Hawki
-“The Brutes were more of a danger to their fellow warriors after a crushing victory than they were when they were roaring drunk.”
So…what happens after a crushing victory and they get drunk to celebrate?
Snark aside, I like the line. The Covenant’s hardly an equal society, and it’s befetting the context that the jiralhane are higher up the pecking order than kig-yar, with the latter species suffering for it.
-“I’m not just clicking my beak.” Quatch said.
Should be a comma after “beak” rather than a full stop.
-“She’s worked in a restaurant.”
Maybe I’m nitpicking, but…the Covenant have restaurants?
On the flipside, I like the idea of unggoy not knowing what sangheili eat, so, good job there.
-So, anyway, I like the section with the characters here. It’s finally got a sense of…essence, I guess? I dunno, something’s clicked. At the very least, I get the sense of them being trapped in the middle of a civil war (which they are), and being forced to survive (which they are). So, human or not, the situation is relatable, and by extension, I’ve become more immersed in the characters.
-Moving onto the last section, it doesn’t work quite as well, namely because we’re being introduced to yet another character with Dith, in a story where I’m still getting a feel for the pre-existing ones. Like, the writing itself isn’t bad or anything, but the story’s giving me a lot to keep track of, already three chapters in.
Anyway, decent chapter.
-“The Brutes were more of a danger to their fellow warriors after a crushing victory than they were when they were roaring drunk.”
So…what happens after a crushing victory and they get drunk to celebrate?
Snark aside, I like the line. The Covenant’s hardly an equal society, and it’s befetting the context that the jiralhane are higher up the pecking order than kig-yar, with the latter species suffering for it.
-“I’m not just clicking my beak.” Quatch said.
Should be a comma after “beak” rather than a full stop.
-“She’s worked in a restaurant.”
Maybe I’m nitpicking, but…the Covenant have restaurants?
On the flipside, I like the idea of unggoy not knowing what sangheili eat, so, good job there.
-So, anyway, I like the section with the characters here. It’s finally got a sense of…essence, I guess? I dunno, something’s clicked. At the very least, I get the sense of them being trapped in the middle of a civil war (which they are), and being forced to survive (which they are). So, human or not, the situation is relatable, and by extension, I’ve become more immersed in the characters.
-Moving onto the last section, it doesn’t work quite as well, namely because we’re being introduced to yet another character with Dith, in a story where I’m still getting a feel for the pre-existing ones. Like, the writing itself isn’t bad or anything, but the story’s giving me a lot to keep track of, already three chapters in.
Anyway, decent chapter.
3/14/2019 c2 Hawki
-So, guess it’s fair to say that the jiralhanae are better at slaughtering millions than singing about slaughtering millions. 0_0
-Apart from that, there’s not too much to say, for good or ill. I’ll be honest, it’s hard for me to get into the story, but I don’t think it’s really any fault of the writing. Rather, I think it’s that alien characters, even when given human psyches, are harder to get invested in than human ones. Granted, also been awhile since I read the last chapter. At the least, I can certainly sympathize with the long hours stuff – long bus and train trips to and from work has given me the time to post numerous oneshots, but it’s really hindered my ability to work on multi-chapters.
So, not too much I can say for good or ill, but at the least, the writing is solid.
-So, guess it’s fair to say that the jiralhanae are better at slaughtering millions than singing about slaughtering millions. 0_0
-Apart from that, there’s not too much to say, for good or ill. I’ll be honest, it’s hard for me to get into the story, but I don’t think it’s really any fault of the writing. Rather, I think it’s that alien characters, even when given human psyches, are harder to get invested in than human ones. Granted, also been awhile since I read the last chapter. At the least, I can certainly sympathize with the long hours stuff – long bus and train trips to and from work has given me the time to post numerous oneshots, but it’s really hindered my ability to work on multi-chapters.
So, not too much I can say for good or ill, but at the least, the writing is solid.
2/8/2019 c6 cannonfodder43
I am gathering that the Brutes are fleeing the encroaching Flood. No other reason to all be running in such a new direction like that. Things will be getting very bad once Tur lets them know what is approaching.
A good chapter. Good work with describing the fighting as well. Good on the visual details that add to its vividness and grittiness. Plasma weapons that actually seem threatening, rather than the cotton ball launchers in game.
"TheDying" (Unless it is the effect of the italicizing Dying, there appears to be a spacing error)
I am gathering that the Brutes are fleeing the encroaching Flood. No other reason to all be running in such a new direction like that. Things will be getting very bad once Tur lets them know what is approaching.
A good chapter. Good work with describing the fighting as well. Good on the visual details that add to its vividness and grittiness. Plasma weapons that actually seem threatening, rather than the cotton ball launchers in game.
"TheDying" (Unless it is the effect of the italicizing Dying, there appears to be a spacing error)
1/30/2019 c3 19Obsidian Thirteen
This was another solid chapter. The characters are developing nicely and the prose and pacing are still strong.
This was another solid chapter. The characters are developing nicely and the prose and pacing are still strong.
1/25/2019 c5 cannonfodder43
Another good chapter.
Given the suddenness of the Brute's elevation and the breakout of hostilities, I would not be surprised that the disorganized Elites were overwhelmed for such light casualties. The little history lesson was a nice touch that reminded me that were reading a semi-fictionalized account written for the benefit of others after the fact. Something that is not readily apparent normally.
"se said"
"oncemore"
Spotted those typos, other than that. All seems well.
Another good chapter.
Given the suddenness of the Brute's elevation and the breakout of hostilities, I would not be surprised that the disorganized Elites were overwhelmed for such light casualties. The little history lesson was a nice touch that reminded me that were reading a semi-fictionalized account written for the benefit of others after the fact. Something that is not readily apparent normally.
"se said"
"oncemore"
Spotted those typos, other than that. All seems well.
1/23/2019 c5 keigna
I think the introduction went quite well. The battle scene was enjoyable. Sometimes reading descriptions of battles will leave me skimming through them, but I was glued to this.
You make a good point about how an account of an event can change depending on the person giving it and what they think about the people invovled. As a side note I'm thinking that the revised account might make for good reading too.
As for the beginning of the chapter, it's interesting to me that the dogma surrounding things like technology and how it's used is very much a part of life for the Kig-Yar. In the novels it seems that most of them aren't too concerned about beliefs so long as they don't run afoul of the Prophets.
Anyway I eagerly await the next chapter.
I think the introduction went quite well. The battle scene was enjoyable. Sometimes reading descriptions of battles will leave me skimming through them, but I was glued to this.
You make a good point about how an account of an event can change depending on the person giving it and what they think about the people invovled. As a side note I'm thinking that the revised account might make for good reading too.
As for the beginning of the chapter, it's interesting to me that the dogma surrounding things like technology and how it's used is very much a part of life for the Kig-Yar. In the novels it seems that most of them aren't too concerned about beliefs so long as they don't run afoul of the Prophets.
Anyway I eagerly await the next chapter.
1/22/2019 c2 19Obsidian Thirteen
This is another great chapter. It's tense and well written, and the introduction of an elite who isn't a warrior is very interesting. I'm very curious to see how this plays out.
This is another great chapter. It's tense and well written, and the introduction of an elite who isn't a warrior is very interesting. I'm very curious to see how this plays out.