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11/7 c1 sara69
I tried to read it. loved the concept, but I feel in the first part of the story you kept getting a new idea and just threw it in. maybe get a beta reader to help fix it up.
9/18 c1 Reaperdan81
Fucking piece of shit story ,fucking piece of shit author
6/28 c2 Guest
In all honesty, it’s not terrible! I love the concept you had but it just had a terrible execution and I really can’t tell what’s going on.
4/17/2019 c1 2DoomMarine55
Don't bash Natsu and Fairy Tail to make Rogue (the emo who sat back and watched Lucy get tortured and Yukino get forced to strip down naked and humilate herself without saying a word) look good you brain-dead fangirl. Story is trash.
10/1/2018 c1 Guest
I really really wanted to like it, but it was so badly written, I just couldn't understand what the hell was going on. It was a good try though.
9/17/2018 c1 Doom Marine 54
Garbage
8/2/2018 c8 Tilty.bbb
This is a fantastic read well done
7/27/2018 c7 19lovleydragonfly
Love love love! Okay so love the story! Love it! I hope to see more soon!

Writer tips!

1. I would definitely cut your paragraphs in half, to make the text less daunting to read. Especially since many are reading on phones, the largeness of the paragraph can make it difficult to read.

2. Whenever you're emphazing something like a letter or someone else's thoughts yadaya try Italicising them. Generally one would italicise the Main characters thought such as;

The woman sighed and leaned against the wall. 'Wouldnt it be great if I could take a hot bath later?'

And you would italicise the thought of the woman. Because your stories are in first person pointof view I can see that you cant do that since most of what's happening is the person's thoughts. I feel like if you Italicising and use the bold instead of the barracks and star things to bring attention to a sentence or word, it would help not break the flow of the sentence!

3. Have you considered trying to write in third person? I'm interested to see how your style may change in that factor.
5/14/2018 c1 1kpomeroy
I like the concept and it's a good story. I just wish it was a slower pace kind of thing. I think slowing the relationship down and the story altogether would be amazing. that's just my opinion don't take it as set in stone

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