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for Waters Rise, Illness Flies

5/26/2018 c1 26Keijo6
It’s quite a coincidence that both of the responses to this prompt thus far have featured sickness as a focal plot point but it worked rather nicely in this fic too. This story once again underlined many of your best features as a writer, namely excellent dialogue and relationship building which made up for he somewhat slow pace. That being said, I enjoyed this story quite a bit but there were some other things that bothered me a bit.

The opening scenes with Petrie and his mother and Ducky and Spike managed to create good character moments which gave the fic a nice beginning and they mirrored the mentioned characters’ relationships in a great way. Also, the descriptions of Petrie and Spike’s illnesses were spot-on and the focus on especially the former’s mental conflicts were some of my favorite scenes here. However, I cannot help but feel that this fic was unnecessarily slow-paced as the scenes with Tricia and Topps, for example, didn’t feel like they added much into this fic. My other problem was the last part of the story as the scene between Petrie and Ducky, while indeed cute and well-written, didn’t completely seem to make sense in the narrative, imho. Also, there were again a few non-LBT-like words, most notably citizen and M.I.A that caught my attention.

I hope I’m not being too stern with this review as there certainly were a lot of great, even excellent things about it. Few writers exceed your quality of dialogue or characterization but as a piece of advice, I’ve noticed they tend to get quite long in your short stories and this time the familiar pairing didn’t seem to be too natural. Still, you did a good job in this short story which fit the prompt nicely.
5/14/2018 c1 20The Rhombus
This was a rather cute story that nicely focused on Ducky and her concern for Petrie and her brother. The issue of sickness is one that has been explored previously in the series, namely in the fourth film, but the idea of one of the gang getting seriously ill has not really been explored. It certainly appears in this story that Petrie might have been getting close to that threshold where a cold could turn into something much more concerning. Thankfully her helpful friends were there to see to it that he was taken care of. Though this situation (the search for the white flowers) does present a worthy effort for the flyers in the future - as they would be the perfect scouts to search for such flowers.

In terms of constructive criticism I do not have much to offer except the usual caveat that the Petrie x Ducky element is something that some readers might have issues with, but that ultimately is a subjective issue. The dialogue and narrative was rather well done, and though the story lacked major drama or angst, it did hold my interest as the characters were presented quite well.

This was a nice story as always. (: Thank you for your continued interest and participation in the prompt challenge.

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