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for The Legacy of Marco Diaz and Star Butterfly

5/19/2018 c1 Budman
I understand your frustration with the show as far as Marco is concerned, believe me I have been there myself numerous times. The show has dropped hints and set up stuff that seemed like a developing story for Marco and then basically delivered next to nothing on it. Making Marco's experience like a dream was not a bad thing, not letting it have an impact on his character and his skills was. For an example of this kind of thing done right I turn to "The lion, the witch, and the wardrobe" the kids end the journey with their memories, developments and skills but not the weight of age. That is what I think they should have done for Marco. Then everything really went to #$% in battle for Mewni where the first thing we see Marco do is crying into cereal and if he is not ineffective then anything helpful he tries to do is rendered useless by those around him (River). Everything after that leading up to the season 3 finale was hit or miss, mostly miss with regards to Marco (i.e. Princess Turdina and Marco Jr.). It feels like there should have been a story line of him adapting to Mewni that we never got, which the creators also seemed to be setting up and then not delivering. But that's enough of my rant, on to the story. The idea of Marco becoming a champion for Heckapoo is actually pretty interesting as it could lead to numerous different things. There is also potential for him to come into conflict with Star since he has a bond of loyalty to the Magic High Commission and not solely to her via the squire-ship. This could be a good thing, because I think Star was pretty stupid in how she handled Eclipsa. Long story short, if you really look at everything presented associated with Eclipsa and the actions she has been proven to have taken, she becomes a lot less sympathetic and much more untrustworthy and dangerous. I have to be honest with you the Star in permanent Mewberty form just kinda seems like you are using the webcomic to fill in bits of your story, cause some of the parts you have written seem to be exact copies of parts I have seen. I kinda question the necessity of it and whether the idea truly benefits your story all that much. Sometimes soft divergence from canon works better than hard and this story feels like it would work better with soft, but that's just my opinion. You have a solid idea, but I think your trying to do too much too quickly. But hey, your story so do what you like. Good luck with your writing.
5/20/2018 c1 4Useful76
Cute interactions and decent plot so far. A lot of spelling mistakes though. Might want to take another look through and proofread but otherwise a pretty good start here.
5/20/2018 c1 AstralWhip
Oh I really like the premise and what you did to Marco. Can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work.
5/19/2018 c1 Mr. Ursine
May want to get a beta reader, but besides that got a nice story started. So,e things came out of nowhere though for seemingly no reason, bit that can be chalked up to first story jitters. Happy writing and I look forward to seeing how you improve.
5/19/2018 c1 AchingHeart2011
liking this story.
interesting take to to Marco being Hekapoo champion and maybe receiving powers. Marco has been underestimated by everyone. everything he gain in Hekapoo realm was like a dream, a dream he can hardly remember at all. he should have keep skills, but needed to train to get his body in shape to use them to their fullness. maybe Marco had learned magic? no good in a underdeveloped body. he was shown using magic to help Star get out when she was trap.

hope to see the next chapter up soon.
5/18/2018 c1 A unimpressive name
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