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5/26 c43 jodezaca
I enjoyed your OCs and characterization of Dooku.
5/23 c9 Guest
What is up with these failure penalties? It's like a bet where you win 100 dollars, but your arm gets cut off if you lose. It only makes sense to accept them when you have plot armor.
5/24 c1 3Jordin-Pendragon
Okay it’s only chapter 1 and not trying to criticize. But you wrote 10CCP is grants but added up you bought 11CCP. Where did the extra one come from? I don’t think *credit* chip means what you think it means.
5/24 c30 Parkodas
“(…)the fact Fay was seven hundred years old and look [SIC] in her mid-twenties, (…)”

I seem to recall that she looked “not a day over 21” just a few years earlier. Am I wrong?
5/22 c23 Parkodas
He hasn’t played Lego Clone Wars III? It has Padme’s ship; the H-type Nubian yacht. Cameron doesn’t appear to remember the name.
5/22 c8 1Bearmauls
That seems an insufficient explanation for time travel.
5/22 c7 Bearmauls
it's kinda jarring that he needs to vocalize instructions to his interface. It really should be mental, if the PtB want it to feel less like a game.
5/22 c5 Bearmauls
This is interesting, but the time frame jump being unexplained so far is annoying.
5/19 c42 teaddicted
Not going to lie, reading the last chapter I skimmed large parts of it wanting to get back to Cameron's perspective, or at least his nearby master's. Reaching the end of the chapter with this not happening left me a bit miffed, but I digress.

Good story overall, the latter arcs in particular. The early chapters suffered a bit from info-dump, but *some* kind of explanation for the setting was needed, though whether it needed to be as verbose as it was, or in some cases information that had been previously dumped was repeated...repeatedly (hah!), that's debatable.

Do I think it would have been a more enjoyable story without the "gamer system" element? Honestly? Yes, it felt distracting more than it added I think.

Do I think you should go back and change it? Absolutely not. The story is what it is, and stands on it's own legs just fine.

SPOILERS BELOW, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED
But reading about an OC sent from the past into the future to be taken as a Jedi padawan and his trials becoming a child of Mandalor would have been plenty interesting enough to make an excellent fanfic, even if you'd have cut out the whole gamer thing.
END OF SPOILERS

Feel free to take everything above with a salt mine's worth of salt, it's just my own personal thoughts after all.

Congratulations on finishing such a mammoth of a fanfic, and thank you for sharing it!
5/8 c42 HighF
Good Stuff!
5/5 c2 mckertis
Incomprehencible drivel.
5/5 c1 1Kegamer 9000
This fic has captured my attention, so here's my personal review of it.

Personally never even heard of The Gamer manwha, but the concept itself is fascinating, and it being used in the Star Wars universe is entertaining as hell. Cam as a person is full of himself, overly emotional (when not using PM), and in general lacks social awareness most of the time, but is also compassionate and willing to try his best to do the right thing. He's emotional, but only because he cares alot. He's basically an anti-hero, especially with his beliefs of the force (which, even I have to admit, is annoying how he constantly preaches). I really like Fay and Dooku as characters, they both compliment each other very well, and Fay especially is one of my favorite characters in the story. I also like Serra as well (and I am aware most people don't), although I feel like she doesn't get much character growth, which I will get into later. In short, I like the progress Cameron is making story wise, and I find the premise interesting.

Now, there are two main flaws I've gleamed from the story: the Romance and heavy-handedness.

The romance is something I found to be very lacking. It's constantly teased, with TPTB giving Cam kissing powers and to be constantly hounded by girls only for him to give the wet toilet paper of excuse of "my body is chaotic" is just straight up dumb. It's fine to have romance in your story, but to teeter between the line of him getting with Taz and Serra is more annoying than suspenseful. The fact that he's acting like it's a problem out of his control is stupid, because he can easily turn them down, but he doesn't for no other reason than playing with other people's feelings. I think the biggest problem is that it's written to be "suspenseful" for when he gets older during Ep 1, but the problem is that it's more so irritating since Cameron constantly preaches his weird ass morals about it, yet the story gives him exactly what he's against. The reasoning, that he will get too horny around either of them if he gets into a relationship with either, also makes no sense. I'm not exactly sure where that comes from, but dating as a teen doesn't mean you are obligated to have sex with your partner. Consent is important, and if Cameron doesn't want sex, that's reasonable, but making it so that he doesn't pursue a relationship during his teens means he's not only socially and emotionally stunting himself, but also refusing to give either Taz or Serra any sort of attention. Either have him actually start having feelings for at least one of the characters, or just don't have him have any admirers in the story, at least in this time. I think this problem can best be linked to one character: Serra. Despite being one of the main characters, she has very little focus in the story. When she was given a POV, I was expecting she'd have more moments in the story where she would have it, especially post sexual assault, but having her POV being used only 3 times is annoying and lacks potential. She also in general lacks characterization moments. She had potential during the first few chapters, but quickly became a stock love interest with little focus, where she could've benefitted from that during the middle of the story, or even could've accompanied Cameron with the Lokella mission. Furthermore, her being the secondary POV would also allow more characterization, and allow for more growth from her, rather than being relegated as a symbol of romance for Cameron, especially since she grew up with him. I think the biggest problem. I think my main problem was how she was handled during the sexual assault. She was basically relegated to being a damsel of distress, when she could've both disabled her force bracers (it seems to have forgotten by plot, plus it would relegate her still being a strong warrior), and could've boosted their connection towards one another. If you're going to make her experience a traumatic, you need to at least use it as a way to expand her and Cameron's relationship, via using their force bond dialogue as alluded to later, and not reduce her to someone who literally using him as a human shield. Glossing over them both talking while she is recovering just makes it come off as if her entire ordeal was for shock value, rather than both of them talking about it so that she can strengthen herself as a person. Ultimately, she is given a lack of limelight that is pretty detrimental to, what I presume, to be the main love interest.

My second gripe is just the overall preachiness of Cameron's beliefs, both regarding romance and the force. The former was already explained, but in short, his beliefs on love is very PC and makes it seem like he's above romance or anything resembling being close with people his physical age, and in general, annoying. His force beliefs, however, come off as its complete fact. I know this was later rectified, but his cockiness in how the Dark Side is subjective is flat out wrong, and this should is pretty much blatant in anyone at least somewhat familiar with Legends/EU lore. He seems to believe that he isn't a Gray Jedi despite the fact he is pretty much one in all aspects. The fact he also doesn't seem to heed his masters' warnings about either, especially Fay who is both 700 years old and has more experience in the force, makes it come off as if he's rebellious of following the rules, ironic for a former soldier, and ignorant of the world's rules. It's fine for him to explore dark side abilities, like force choking people and lightening, as well as dark side actions, such as him shooting a rapist in the balls and him beating up Serra's assaulter, but to have him think knows how the dark side works is ignorant (though he later *does* realize that with how insidious it is). He also seems to be consciously ignoring any criticism to his beliefs and actions, like how people criticize him for being ruthless and brutal, but he brushes it aside. It's alright to portray him as battle hungry, like Anakin after him, but his ruthlessness played off as a dark side in nature, but lacks any attempt at tempering it. This is pretty much unbefitting of a soldier, as they are trained to have restraint and to not revel in the brutality of their actions. He *could* use Player's Mind, but he doesn't because he wants to grow his emotional intelligence and maturity, even though he's made little to no progress. In general, Cameron really needs a humbling dose of reality from his masters, as well as how he shouldn't try to treat his opinions as objective fact, and that it's okay to disagree, but not flat out ignore any criticisms.

In short, I like the story and it's concepts, and I honestly really like how some aspects of the main story is turning out, but a lot of the characters, especially Serra and Cam's other love interests, need more characterization to be more compelling, as I can tell most people are annoyed by Serra in general, which is a terrible thing if she is his main love interest.
5/4 c43 Great
No Story update, just a note. Good luck with the story and life til we get the next update.
5/4 c1 Gear master
He deleted like two chapters recording stats
5/4 c1 ClearOcean
nvm
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