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6/9/2018 c1 Sky
You should get a beta or proofreader. The premise of the story is good but the sentence structure needs a lot of work. It’s basically run on sentences that are written more as a summary rather than told as an actual story. I honestly couldn’t even get through it all. I do think it was a good idea and hope you’ll get someone to help flesh out your ideas and help your with the writing aspect of it.
6/3/2018 c1 Guest
Uh I like the plot but I don't like how you executed this. This is not a very good story because it's not fleshed out. It's just one big long summary and it's really really stupid. You need to stretch it out and give it more detail and actually have characters talk once in awhile.
5/30/2018 c1 West Allen lover
I really love this.I never liked Eddie
5/30/2018 c1 Sammy
I really loved your story. Your spelling could use work

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