Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for I've Found (In) Myself a Cheerleader

7/21 c11 12Dixxy
Hi there Groove !

First of all, so glad to read you didn't catch that effing virus ! What a relief indeed ! I'm happy 4 U ! :D

Now, i'm so glad to read an update of yours. I guess you have been VERY busy with school, so i totally understand the time it took to write it. It's fine with me, mid you. Any update is a reason to rejoice, rather than one to be resentful for the long wait. ;)

Well, isn't that a dark chappy... Poor Sam, looxxxx like everything is collapsing on her head ! The MBC leader prolly never had such a hard time in her life, i'm sure. I feel for her, and hope things will improve asap. Crossing my fingers for you, Sam... well, for the whole group, actually !

So, Danny is infatuated with his black teammate, eh ? Hum hum, that can't be good... I'm guessing that this "love" is purely the fact of the dark forces messing with his feelings in order to weaken the MBC from the inside, right ? Damn, that'll be complicated for sure... I hope that Danny will really come to his senses once he has talked with Cathy, or else... things will really get out of hand ! :(

I particularly loved the dream sequence. First coz i'm fond of dreams, especially strange (if not worrying) ones. Second, coz there was this aura of mystery and unease floating in it, with John behaving really peculiarly. And that fact that neither can read time... it has to be troubling and make you uneasy, if not anxious.

Sam impaling her own hand was... well, aside from unexepected, abrupt, brutal. It's something disturbing, reminding me of certain people harming themselves (mutilation, scarification). It didn't really make me uncomfortable, but it was a bit of a shock nevertheless.

I'm happy to see John involved to some extent, btw, coz he's not that often present in MBC fics, or when he is, he doesn't play much of a role, so i'm glad he's helping here, behaving a tad as if he were part of the MBC and thus showed solidarity (a word i love).

And a final plot twist with this amnesia... gosh, things really take a more and more dramatic turn each time, or almost. I honestly hope that there'll soon be some light at the end of the tunnel and that their situation will improve.

That's it for the plot. NOw, as for the form of the text (if you allow me that formulation), i.e. spelling, grammar and such, i've noted a few improper word uses, but that's all, i think : COUCH (coach), IMMENSELY (intensely), THAN (then) i will never, continued WITH walking (no "with"), with neutral expression (with A neutral expression). I think i already mentioned the COUCH/COACH confusion, btw.

All in all, this was a pretty cool read - put more dream sequences whenever you want, i luv them ! - and i'm glad you updated. Can't wait to read more, when you have the time, and i must congratulate you for your plot ideas : very nicely done ! And you have a really good mastery of English... for a slavic woman ! ;) See, i told you that you were a talented writer ? And while this may only be my humble opinion, i'm sure that i'm not the only one thinking so.

Take great care of U, good luck with school, good luck with that crucial September month, and read you (as) soon (as can be) !

Sincerely yours

XOXOXOXO Dixxy XOXOXOXO
7/16 c11 Rokushimo
Damnit, I still love it !
3/22 c10 Dixxy
Hey there, Groove !

First of all, be sure you have my maximal support in this ordeal of yours. I am very worried for you, as you know, and hope you haven't caught it. But if you have... i hope you can be helped, any possible way. But i've got your back through all of that sh!t, and i wish you much courage during these difficult times. May the odds be in your favour. Take great care of you !

I will now review your chappy. I found it interesting, mainly how Sam dealt with the whole Jayden hindrance (what a scornful, full-of-himself jerk...), and tried to keep things in control... with the final twist implying that there ARE things she cannot control...

Sam is known for being a solid, (rather) self-confident leader, but this chapter shows her fragility, her doubts ("Maybe i am just Brownilocks...") and her uneasiness in being challenged by a rude guy, but who does know the job and will (unfortunately) remain at the helm. It's remarkable to analyze the behaviour of a generally "strong", determined character in an unfavorable environment. Her cheering the team and not giving up, and lashing back at Jayden, are particularly positive here, and the support she receives - from her recent lovers... - is most welcome.

The upset of Cathy regarding Danny's behaviour naturally "cloud the sky" even more, and complicate what is already a complex situation. And the concluding twist only makes the whole thing harder and more difficult to handle than it already is. The usually naive, bubbly and weird alien, source of so much laughs and smiles, has become a dramatic plot device (if we can consider characters as plot devices...)

I loved the (short) tender moment between the Lang's pretty nice and welcome on this distressing day. A breath of oxygen... abruptly cut by more drama coming ! And i also appreciated the sweet, sapphic moment between Alexa and Layla. Unexpected... but nice.

Last thing about content : the shoelace provided a nice distraction, but i was wondering why Cathy hadn't tied it again. Maybe because that would make her stop and thus disturb the whole group routine ?

ON the form itself, i noted 2 typos - nor was their COUCH (coach), RO (to) prevent the risk of tripping over them), and instead of "the commentator reflected on the scene", i would rather have used "Seeing this, the commentator made the following observation :" (because reflecting implies a generally deep, long, kinda analytic thinking process, something one would do regarding a problem, a difficulty... and a commentator usually doesn't fetch that far and utters what he has on his mind at that moment).

Oh, i almost forgot : the second song sequence, from BRING IT ON, which ends with "I dominate this school", made me think about you, for several reasons... including the dominating aspect. ;)

Overall, i enjoyed your chappy, and find continuous pleasure reading your story. I'm glad there is you to avoid MBC archive to rust in peace ;P

That's it for this review, which i hope will please you, and bring you satisfaction in this rather depressing/depressive context.

I renew my support and wishes of recovery, and i'll be praying (figuratively speaking) for your soonest health improvement. All my hope and care go to you, and i send you my kindest, sweetest thoughts and vibes.

Thanxxxx once more for this cool but demanding chappy (so many bad vibes...) , and be fine again asap, dear Groove ! Hugs and smiles ! :D

XOXOXOXO
3/1 c9 Dixxy
Hey GitG !

I know you have it tough with exams, studies, and your big event ;) ... and that you cannot update as often as you'd like to ! But it's fine that way. I take what i get when it's there, and period.

Ohoooo, so the mysterious newcomer in Cathy's room is none other than the famous mindreader we got to know in the second (or first, depending on the continent it was first broadcast in) episode of MBC ! Well, how to make things more complicated, right ? ;) But that adds to the tension and the complexity of the plot (the latter starting to confuse even YOU, the authoress !) XD

I must say that Elton is acting in an almost authoritative way here, that is maybe somewhat different than his kinda naive and funny behaviour in that famous second/first episode, MINDREADER. But i like that difference, tbh. Just one thing : when he "scolds" Chris and Danny, i wasn't sure i got WHY exactly, but when you mentioned "the consequences of the last night romance", i assumed it's because he had read the boys' minds and therefore guessed about the threesome with Sam. AM i right ? (And if i am, well... i wouldn't want to be in Sam's place when/if Elton also scolds her for being "double-stuffed", notably by her blonde friend's ex). Yet i still don't see anything wrong with having intercourse with a friend's ex, since that relationship is officially over.

Also something i didn't understand that sentence of Sam's : "He should use some of the money to buy him a clue". What does that mean / refer to ?

Last mysterious thing for me : "That is theater, this is cheering". Why does Chris refers to theater, and why is this "correcting" Elton ? In what way ?

About the sentence that begins with "Sam opened the box", i especially liked 3 words in it : "Sam... giving... oral". In fact, i wish there was the verb "likes" between "Sam" and "giving"... ;) You know my great interest in Sam... and in oral, right ?

I liked that lil' ironic word of Elton's : "Break a leg". XD Ans also funny was the chameleon and possum's mentions, with Danny feeling like playing dead. XDD

Nice (and funny) also were Wendy's nicknames for Sam : "Boss Lady", "Miss Captain".

That was for the content. Now for the form :

Kudos to you for almost totally dropping the present tense in this chappy. AT LAST ! I had no doubt U would make it. I trust you. (someone else will tHrust you ;P)

2 or 3 wrong constructions ("anticipate whose soul are we going to take" : whose soul WE ARE going to take ; "think about what are we going to use" : think about what WE ARE going to use") but nothing serious.

You did a pretty good job once again, and a superior one in terms of verbal tenses (goodbye, incongruous present !). And i can't wait to see what happens next. I mentioned that Sam was lucky not to be there when Elton scolded the boys, coz she would also have been told off for making "it" with Danny... well, with TWO boys, actually, and i still can't help wondering if Elton will confront her about it, or not. Part of me would be interested by that Elton/Sam confrontation, but part of me - the one holding up for Sam - wouldn't like it. And so, i don't know which one i want most. We'll see what you'll choose. ;)

Well done again for the cool update, that brightened my Saturday, and good luck for studies, exams, wedding, all that ! And thanxxxx 4 writing this story !

Later ! :)))

XOXOXOXO
10/26/2019 c8 Dixxy
Waow ! I'm impressed ! You're updating really fast lately ! Which means 1 review in June, 2 in August, and 2 in October ! That means 5 reviews in 3 months, and no less than 4 of them in only 2 months ! Seems you're in great shape, lately, and pretty inspired ! Great, great !

I have to give you kudos for 2 things at least : first, for the nice shout-out to me, twice in this chapter, much appreciated ; and second, for making an effort regarding present tense. There still are instances of present in this chapter (i wouldn't naively think there suddenly wouldn't be anymore of them at all...;), but much less than in the previous 3 chapters altogether. I think i can count the present verbs on my 10 fingers this time, while i would have needed at least an additional hand the last times.

Well, i deem this chapter an interesting balance between 2 genres : romance and suspense. And i'm always interested in chapters mixing 2 or more elements/genres, which guarantees a non-boring reading for us fans. I enjoyed the first part, with all the sultry atmosphere, but enjoyed no less the second part with the mystery around Chris's memory and Cathy's revelation to her Grandad, until the arrival of that mysterious alien.

Regarding the latter, i was pretty pleased, because it meant you ended this chapter on a cliffhanger, and i regularly used to do that as well when i wrote for the MBC and TT archives. So yeah, i appreciate this, and it brings a slight, pleasant smell of nostalgia... reminds me of those years, back in the first half of the '10 years, when i used to craft stuff for FF... and cliffhangers definitely were a nice plot device, back then. My friend Skychild101 in particular was slighly mad ta me for all those cliffies (cliffhangers), in a playful way...

So, all in all, i think you did pretty good, and i was delighted to read this new chappy. I enjoyed the sweet moments bw the three, with sexual tension underlying, and the final mystery regarding the mysterious newcomer.

Can't wait to read your new one asap, i can't wait to read it. thanxxxx again for the very nice job, and i'm happy you updated that much lately !

Thumbs up and till nXt review !

XOXOXOXO
10/15/2019 c7 Dixxy
1 month and a half of waiting only... that's short ! And thus am I glad that you updated your story 3 times in only 2 months (August twice, and October). That's great ! I'm all the more happy about it that the MBC archive, at some point, included several discontinued stories, pending on forever... and some authors even deleted some of their already-published stories ! So yeah, i'm glad (and relieved) that you don't give up, and actually updates on a more or less regular basis.

It sure was a chapter full of twists and turns, with some pretty unexpected stuff : Sam screaming although apparently alone, then attacking her husband (!), the impactFUL dream ('impactive' does not exist, as per several remarks in Word Reference dictionary) and that peculiar atmosphere at the end, which included sudden humor and sexual innuendo... Pretty interesting plot-wise !

I appreciated the tense moments, with Sam behaving oddly (screams and fight), if not ominously, and then the realization that the dream... actually a result in reality itself ! That's fascinating.

But the lustful ending was also pretty captivating. Ok, i'll admit i was taken aback, not expecting such a behaviour from the 3 friends, and the weird humour between Chris & Danny. But although i was at first doubtful/dubious about their hot 'n' funny talk (some readers might possibly consider it out of place, i dunno...) , i eventually reached the conclusion that, after all, i really liked it, and that there was something very exciting about it. And as far as i'm concern, i would love it if you wrote a lemon about their threesome (just in case, some initially T-rated stories were later switched to M-rated when their authors decided to include explicit material... so, you see, you can still change a story's rating if you want to). Yet I'm not convinced about a lemon in this story : while the idea is pretty tempting, it would probably be seen as a digression, something straying from the original plot (which after all is about evil ones threatening one of the MBC females, and a cheerleading practice). So, while i'd be delighted to read about their threesome, I suggest you to write a one-shot story, which you'll relate to this story, in the one-shot foreword. Just my advice there.

A detail : I was a tad surprised that Sam, when summing up her dream, mentioned the fight (with Danny), yet not the blow on Chris' s nose. I mean, he's her husband after all, so i think that should strike her first, even before the fight... and yet she doesn't mention it at first ! That was... hum... somewhat illogical, could i say ?

In fact, critic-wise, I've got only 1 to formulate, really : but alas, alas... it's ONCE AGAIN the very SAME as in the 2 or 3 previous chapters : the use of present in a past text ! You know, i think i'm going to actually formally FORBID you to use present again in this story. Like, PRESENT PROHIBITED from now on, with threat of story boycott if you don't comply ! ;P Nah, i'm pulling your leg, with that fake threat... but more seriously, I confess I'm kinda tired to always have to point out the same flaw, and then find that flaw again in following chapter, and then in the one after, and so on. So, please, PLEASE, E, for God's sake : do NOT use present in this story ! AT all ! The rest is overall fine, after all, but that repeated mistake is... hum hum... how to put it nicely... it's irritating, to say the least. I don't wanna sound nasty or anything, but believe me, although you're a great friend of mie and that i dig your fictions, i'm honestly annoyed by that present tense constantly showing up in each chapter. So, please, i ask you, i beg you, on my own life, PLEAAAAASE : .PRESENT. YOu'll have my endless gratitude if you manage to fix it.

I guess that's it for this (very long) review. All in all, i really enjoyed this chapter, and i thank you wholeheartedly for this new update... and i'm looking forward to your next installment ! Keep up the good work ! :)

XOXOXOXO
8/30/2019 c6 Dixxy
(even less longer later...)

Waow, 2 chapters in so little time ! What a treat for your patient refers/followers ! Dekuji, my dear !

Very interesting chapter ! I was particularly interested in Julie's confession. It was enthralling... and worrying, really ! I like the idea of lesbian love, which fascinates me (hence my using that theme for 2 of my stories), and appreciate your also exploring that theme. But i felt sorry that it ended up that bad, with Julie and Heather breaking apart after so many months/ years of common happiness. Feel so sorry for them. And to think that poor Heather passed away... :'(

Just 1 thing : i was surprised that Julie didn't react more... emotively, could we say, when she learned that John was a Buster. She gasped, but that was it. Honestly, i expected her to be more... i dunno which word to use... frantic ? anxious ? distressed/anguished ? You know what i mean, anyway. I found her reaction surprisingly calm.

Now, about Cathy and Danny... well, hardly anything happened, since they were cut short. But the confirmation of Cathy's pregnancy must have quite shaken her, coz seeing the very proof under her eyes definitely was a shock. I feel for her.

On another level, i found Danny's hypothesis that Cathy stopped by to pee only coz his house was the closest was pretty funny... XD

And last, there's the return of action, with all of them chasing after Sam ! That certainly was unexpected ! We had left then in a situation that didn't forebode anything such... so imagining the girl suddenly changing that drastically...! The mention "something off with her legs" kinda creeped me out, as i tried to imagine what it was exactly... maybe Sam's legs were no longer human, and there were spider's legs or tentacles instead ? Brrrrrr, just the thought of it... Not knowing the exact nature of sth creepy can be worse than knowing it, coz it leaves it all open for imagination... and that isn't necessarily a good thing !

Regarding critics, i've got only one, but it's a BIG one : present tense ! You've been using it again in this chapter, and it's the third time that i have to point it out as a (constructive) critic ! Yes, you can verify : i already mentioned that problem in my last review, and as "guest" reviewer in the previous one. I can understand that you may have difficulty changing what has become an habit, but you alas really have to : a text written in the past MUST remain in the past all the way, except for dialogues, where it can be used without problems (but careful about tense concordance : if you use the past in a dialogue, you cannot switch to present like that ! You must stick to past as long as the dialogue remains in past tense). But aside from the dialogues, everything MUST be written in the PAST, since it's the canon tense for a story : you have to be coherent in terms of verbal tense, and use only one. It's the third time i mention it, and i hope that this time you'll make the effort when pursuing the story. I just don't feel like bringing up that point in every review, chapter after chapter (it'll end up annoying you and frustrating me...) ! '

(I have the same problem with another MBC fan, whose work i correct : she also uses present tense often in her past-written story, and i have to insist on that point again...)

All in all, a very interesting chapter, which i read with much pleasure, and i'm naturally looking forward to next chapter... and the earlier, the better ! Thank you beforehand for your upcoming work, and also for taking my tense remark into consideration (i only mean to help you improve your style, ya know) !

Till soon, dear P. ! :D
8/25/2019 c5 Dixxy
(not so long later...)

Eh, last update was in June, so we didn't have to wait for long, eh ! Which is way cool... If there could be less wait, that'd be great... always less and less...

Secrets galore, this time. Very interesting... adds a note of suspense...an intense one. All the better.

The moments with Danny (at the beginnings) and Sam (at the end) were very tense, i really enjoyed them. But the "secrets sharing" bw Cathy & Wendy was pretty fascinating too... and one HAS to be pleased by the attitude of the usually haughty blonde, for once !

And that mention of Noel, short before the closure of the chappy... hum hum... could he be the very one who...? Ahaaaaa, suspense, suspense, you're gonna almost kill us someday !

If Sam's mom was murdered, then perhaps it means Sam will be the one targeted... but honestly, i sensed that she'd be exposed from the very beginning, since her being chosen by Rollins. We'll see what happens, but i wouldn't be surprised if the next installment confirm it.

I'm sad that Sam and Chris don't get along better... after all, they're my fav' pairing. But perhaps... yes, perhaps, it'll improve over time !

Much much good in here, and lil' to point out. Infact, only 2 critics : the use of verbs at present tense in a text written in the past (see my comments about it in my previous review, June 14th ; present is okay in dialogues, though). And the reaction of Cathy when Wendy tells her she's pregnant : obviously, the Rhapsodian was ignorant that the interruption of periods for a long time indicates pregnancy, so when Wendy reveals her the connection between the two, and thus her (Cathys') actual state, one would expect Cathy to be flabbergasted and ask again if no periods anymore really means expecting a baby... coz after all, she just discovered that fact, and would certainly try to get confirmation of it from Wendy. And yet no, she doesn't wonder about periods and pregnancy, the link between the two, and rather only try to deny her current condition. That didn't seem quite logical to me, if you allow me to be frank.

For the rest, kudos to ya. Very nice job again. And i appreciate the update of the foreword. That kind of "fleshes out" your story, and gives away pretty interesting ideas and themes. But i must disagree to some extent regarding the "phlegmatic Sam", because of this : "Phlegmatic individuals tend to be relaxed, peaceful, quiet, and easy-going" (Wiki) . The unofficial MBC leader doesn't appear in the show as someone THAT peaceful and relaxed, or even easy-going. She is rather energetic, determined, authoritative, always active, not ready to make compromises (which again comes in contradiction to Wiki's definition : "Phlegmatic individuals also are good at (...) making compromises.") Just my opinion, though.

Keep up the good work, and try to update within a frame of a couple of months, if possible (i.e. if studies and part-time job allows it... ;P )

Bravo again, and yes, i'll stay tuned !

XXXX - XXXX
8/6/2019 c4 Rokushimo
It was good !
6/13/2019 c4 Guest
YO Petus !

Long time, no... read ! Been 4ever indeed ! But the main point is that you're F.I.N.A.L.L.Y. back !

Well, i'll say that this chapter triggered my curiosity. My interest had been up to now triggered, but now you can add curiosity. Because i'm wondering who is behind all that, what will happen, who will be the MBC girl targeted aso.

SO, that flashback is a very good/cool idea, all in all. It's great to find a really good chappy after such a long time : it means it was worth the wait !

I'm pretty satisfied with the plot here. I was only surprised that they keep NO records of people's identity, at MBC HQ. NO names, really ? Waow, can't get more secret than that... XD

And YES, the former MBC really ARE celebrities, Sam ! ;)

I've got only one small critic to make : in a past-tense text (and this is one indeed !), you must not use present tense (unless very exceptionally and for a good reason (justified) !). That's why "something is bothering us" or "her mom has died" mustn't be used, and instead be written in the past : "something WAS bothering us" and "her mom HAD died".

But that's really the only negative point i found in this very interesting and intriguing chapter, and i'm seriously eager to read the successor to this one (i.e. next chapter ). So now that you're on holiday... GET YOUR KEYBOARD GLUED TO YOUR HANDS ! XD And keep your mind focused on only one topic : MBC ! (Don't worry, after holiday, i'll authorize you to think about other things again ! ;P)

Keep up the good work, Petus ! 'tis all worth the efforts, my dear !

XXXX
6/11/2019 c4 Jonas
Glad to see an update and here's to hoping that you did excellent on your final exams. Great work and can't wait to see if they find Glitch Girl and if Danny joins the team because of Wendy or Cathy.
10/19/2018 c1 Jonas
Hey getintothegroove i just want to say great job on all your stories. I really enjoy when people put Danny and Cathy together because they would make an interesting couple. Good luck with all your works.
8/1/2018 c1 Jonas
I really love how you paired Danny with Cathy and Chris with Sam. Good luck writing this story.
6/8/2018 c3 Dixxy
Hey Petus !

How about... your first review ? Are you in ? ;P

Well, i checked the FOLLOW STORY box for an abvious reason : this is a very nice story, pretty well written (few typos or improper word use), interesting dialogues and considerations on the characters, and a nice dash of humor.

I am so happy Sam gets to have another key-role, and find it interesting (woopsy, there i go repeating myself... ') that she is now in unfamiliar territory and gets to live an unprecedented experience. And aaaaawwww... Sam in a "really short blue dress" ? Oh gosh... that girl is freaking hot, so imagining her in such an attractive outfit... *drooldrooldrooldrooldrool*

Now, what's with "thanks for saying my old surname instead of...", in first chapter (which is actually chapter 2 here, coz of the foreword) ? And with that : "By cards i didn't mean cards exactly" ? I assume the second one is a sexual innuendo, am i right ?

I also liked how Sam shouted "CHEEROCRACY!" at the end of this chapter, how she raised a brow at the "bigger balls than you" comment, and appreciated her not dismissing the plump girl (nice reflection on your part regarding that delicate issue, btw ! Kudos, Petus !)

Chris's remarxxxx were also well-founded and pertinent, and i liked his input. And naturally did i chuckle thinking about him making a round-off and a handstand ! X)

I was a tad surprised that Sam didn't put Wendy back into line when the latter started asking questions to the applicants and make naughty observations. I mean, isn't Sam supposed to be the captain of the team ? So SHE should be the only one asking questions, and shouldn't tolerate any improper or "abusive" behaviour. I would have expected her to scold Wendy a bit, and put her back in her place. The snobbish blonde no longer is captain and therefore hasn't got any more authority to question the candidates or make decisive remarxxxx.

Also funny is Sam using words such as 'sh!t' and 'STFU' (to Mark). That isn't like her... but, after all, why not ? ;)

Those 2 chapters also have some familiar scents. The scene where Sam is called into the Principal's office with no idea why reminds me of the first chapter of my RED PRISON, titled "Summmoned !", while Sam and Chris playing cards... and actually playing a much more interesting game later, reminds me of THE GREATEST TIDAL WAVE EVER, which i know is among your favorites. Did ya got inspired by my worxxxx, by chance ? ;) If so, i feel honored and wholeheartedly thank you 4 the literary winxxxx ! ;)

And how could i miss BILLY ELLIOT, that movie in which a boy wants to dance, when it comes down to the boys cheerleading as well ? Did you watch that movie, and if ya did, was it also a source of inspiration for ya ?

All in all, i am pretty satisfied with those first two chappies, and i am naturally eager to read next part... hopefully very soon ! It's a promising start, and i can't wait to see what you bring up next time ! Bravo for the good work here, and i am glad to read a new interesting MBC story !

And... aaaaaaaaaah, Sam in a REALLY short blue dress... *dreamily stare away, not noticing all the drooling soaking my shirt*

Till soon ! :DDDD

XOXOXOXO

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service