for But With A Whimper9/6/2019 c1 
23Danny Barefoot
I think I must have missed this story or thought I might not get it without reading the novel, but everything became clear as I read through, and its a strong, effective piece. The first paragraphs really create the image of a desperate, merciless war. The factional battles are very much what would be going on in a game, but seen in a nearer, harsher light. Miriam's thoughts on the future and her faith are quite moving. Seeing Zakharov in a different, traumatised state to your other stories is interesting. His reaction to the knock on the door was effective, as is the contrast between Zakharov's therapy and Miriam's prayers, as trauma management strategies. As well as factional differences Zhakharov is personally characterised by his exhausted reaction, his ambition to defeat Miriam on a mental level, and his acceptance of Adam at the end. There's obviously some ill will remaining, but 'Sabbatical' implies that he is welcoming his creation back from a stage in Adam's ongoing learning process? Can I ask what really happened in Twilight of the Mind? Did Adam get killed by the Believers?
The 5th paragraph was maybe a little unclear, maybe something like 'Though if the Sin Buster had been intercepted, what had the air strike on Morgan Bank been?' Also should 'Had it all been a mistake, God intervened to stop her.' be a question, and have an 'and' in the middle? In the third paragraph of Zakharov's section there was a one-word sentence 'only'. What did that signify, or should it be something else?
23Danny BarefootI think I must have missed this story or thought I might not get it without reading the novel, but everything became clear as I read through, and its a strong, effective piece. The first paragraphs really create the image of a desperate, merciless war. The factional battles are very much what would be going on in a game, but seen in a nearer, harsher light. Miriam's thoughts on the future and her faith are quite moving. Seeing Zakharov in a different, traumatised state to your other stories is interesting. His reaction to the knock on the door was effective, as is the contrast between Zakharov's therapy and Miriam's prayers, as trauma management strategies. As well as factional differences Zhakharov is personally characterised by his exhausted reaction, his ambition to defeat Miriam on a mental level, and his acceptance of Adam at the end. There's obviously some ill will remaining, but 'Sabbatical' implies that he is welcoming his creation back from a stage in Adam's ongoing learning process? Can I ask what really happened in Twilight of the Mind? Did Adam get killed by the Believers?
The 5th paragraph was maybe a little unclear, maybe something like 'Though if the Sin Buster had been intercepted, what had the air strike on Morgan Bank been?' Also should 'Had it all been a mistake, God intervened to stop her.' be a question, and have an 'and' in the middle? In the third paragraph of Zakharov's section there was a one-word sentence 'only'. What did that signify, or should it be something else?
6/2/2018 c1 1Adam Safran
From my faint memories of the novels, this fits in their thematics as well. G ood writing!
1Adam SafranFrom my faint memories of the novels, this fits in their thematics as well. G ood writing!