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for Pokemon: a soldier's relief

6/9/2018 c1 22St Elmo's Fire
I don’t watch the anime, so I’m not going to be able to review this story on content. Please tag your story as anime fic to avoid this problem. Find your story under “Manage Stories” and select it from the dropdown menu that says “World: Any” in the “Category” section.

Your title needs to be fully capitalized.

I should not have to tell you that “I” is capitalized. It is extremely rude and inconsiderate of you to put so little effort into making your story comprehensible.
6/7/2018 c1 GenX567
[Hello there. I'm currently reviewing in the Pokémon category to try and give people useful constructive criticism instead of flames or vague praise.]

Yeah more like "Do it the way I would do it!" Which doesn't equal anything in the realm of constructive critics and is just flames. Here allow me.

[t would be helpful if your summary told us more about your plot. ]

The summary just told us much of the world and the set up of the story. What do you him to spoil the ending so you don't have to read?

[I notice that you're not capitalising pokémon. Good job with that. ]

Actually that isn't see most readers except capitalized Pokémon do to how heavily it is.

[You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise they look like they're part of the story. ]

This is a lie. A big one. Using Lines only makes it harder to read as soo many use it as scene changes. Your Author note was formatting in away that means you don't need it.

[You shouldn't need to label different POVs. If you want to write from multiple POVs, then you should write in the third person instead. }

Its actually more confusing easily. Its more to do with the multiple styles, and the fact written print is dead. Secondly even certain publishers recognized this.

[This is too insubstantial for a first chapter.]

Actually in the words you posted you set up a lot of things. Size doesn't equal contain after all and this chapter as a lot of it.
6/7/2018 c1 8Talarc
Hello there. I'm currently reviewing in the Pokémon category to try and give people useful constructive criticism instead of flames or vague praise. I usually try to point out things that can help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don't want to edit your current story. If I point out any grammatical errors, please understand that I'm trying not to be judgemental. I honestly believe that corrections greatly improve the quality of the story. It's okay to disagree with anything I say and please don't think that I'm making demands of you.

It would be helpful if your summary told us more about your plot.

I notice that you're not capitalising pokémon. Good job with that.

You should separate your author notes with a horizontal line; otherwise they look like they're part of the story.

[Crystal P.O.V]

You shouldn't need to label different POVs. If you want to write from multiple POVs, then you should write in the third person instead.

You need to start a new line for each new speaker. Not doing so makes dialogue almost impossible to follow.

This is too insubstantial for a first chapter. Remember that your first chapter is your opportunity to hook your reader – in other words, to show them what makes your story unique and worth reading. You don’t need to put all your cards on the table, but you need to have something to show.

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