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for Agents in Training - Team Echo

6/17/2019 c14 20Pixelfun20
Well, it was fun while it lasted. I hope you're doing well, my friend :-). Your story really brought me joy for its duration, and I think I'm going to remember this for a long time.

12/1/2018 c13 Pixelfun20
Okay, new chapter! Sorry I haven’t had the time to do an in-depth review recently, but I finally got around to sitting down and doing it when you updated today. I can’t wait to see how Team Echo is faring :-).

Wade Wilson is in this universe? Things just got 10x better.

Dubois on the behalf of all sensible human beings I would like to declare that you are clinically insane for waking up at three in the morning. WILLINGLY. But running is good for you, I guess, so I’ll let the waking time slide. For now.

Imagining Harkin and Dubois standing next to each other with their physiological differences is hilarious. And I’m finding myself liking Latimer quite a bit. Who knew. SHIELD handles the teenage mental state better than most schools I know of.

What?! Darcy is in SHIELD and carries a taser?! That is golden XDDD.

Nice to see Chessie coming into his own as the future weapons specialist of the team. Even if he’s never fired a gun (but hey, studying counts for something, right?), I’d imagine that he’ll quickly be getting the experience he needs to succeed in his field. Yeah. I think I can officially say that Aria is my favorite OC that isn’t mine. I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of the Winnie the Pooh nickname.

You go Chessie. You’ll make it through SHIELD’s training, trust me. I mean, you are on the final roster. ;-)

I dunno why the girls don’t like one-pieces. I, for one, cannot stand bikinis. But to each their own, I guess. Harkin is right, though. This definitely isn’t high school; you have them acting like teenagers (oh wow that boy looks hot) but also soon-to-be secret agents (I’m going to pass this test!). It a nice, subtle little touch that you’ve put in throughout the chapter and that I wanted to point out here.

I don’t think you have to write out the time in numbers, then words. It kind of throws off the flow of the sentence for me. Good job Alexei for second place, however! 8:42 is really good.

The Ryan/Adam rivalry/relationship looks like it’s going to come out looking really good. I can’t wait to see how it morphs along with training and their character arcs.

Small typo shortly into the PT training section. You wrote “It was let demanding” in reference to Viktor’s training. In the next paragraph you write “he’d let to have anyone to fail out.”

I feel kind of bad for the girls having to keep up with the same standards as boys. Female bodies are typically a little weaker than a male’s, but I’m sure the limit has been adjusted slightly for how well you have to do in missions. Either way I can see SHIELD doing this since men and women are being put in the same situations.

Okay. Two minutes for 42 pushups? Sheesh. I’m glad I’m not in SHIELD training. I’m getting a workout just READING this.

You better watch Veronika, Victor. If anyone can keep up with the boys, it’s her.

Kyra is me in the gym. Fit, but no body builder and definitely lacking in muscle mass. She’s starting growing on me in this chapter. Watch out Chessie, you have a competitor XD.

Okay Sarah stop showing off. You’re an amazing fighter, I get it P.

Val translating for Veronika is pretty cool. Veronika doesn’t let her lack of understanding hinder her as much as it should. However, there is some discrepancy here. When the girls got into their swimsuits, for example, Veronika agreed that she didn’t like the swimming suit when she shouldn’t have understood what was being said. But again, minor details.

Poor Val. I just remembered that he isn’t very physically strong. He and Kyra are in the same boat, I suppose.

Petition to call Adam Mr. SEAL is pending.

Alexei doesn’t actually speak French, sorry. The closest language to that would be his knowledge of Spanish. But I don’t mind; we can just add it to the list. Just wanted to point that out. The scene is awesome, though, so I’m leaning on the idea of him knowing just enough French to be able to respond. Also, I didn’t find a translation in the chapter. I may just be blind, but I wanted to point that out.

Small typo - you slipped into first person when Chessie contemplates his nervousness before shooting a gun for the first time. Oh Chessie, this is why you’re my favorite.

Drew stop it. You’re going to get yourself hurt pulling crap like wrestling Morrison! And Sarah dominates on the mat. You go girl.

ALWAYS avoid the meatloaf, Ryan. Anyone who’s read a book or seen a movie about high school can attest to that. And Sarah’s brother is enhanced. That actually explains a lot, with the bullet wound and all. A nice twist that I honestly didn’t expect.

Latimer’s assessment of the cadets is actually a bit touching. You can see how much he cares. Also, he says criss-cross applesauce XD. I wonder how Ellis will do as team leader. The roles being mixed up from their final resolutions is a cool part of the story.

Who is the Admiral? Ryan, you’re hiding something!

Wade Wilson. You gotta love the guy. And poor Leo. The guy can’t seem to get a break.

What does Ryan have against French? Also, I wonder who this Grace girl is, and why she has the same last name as him. Mysteryyyyy~

Long reviews for long chapters. Sorry if there’s typos; I’m pretty tired. Pixel out.
10/4/2018 c10 1KelsyMarieTalir
Please update soon.
10/3/2018 c10 20Pixelfun20
Is like to apologise for not getting part 2 of this chapter to you in time. Things have been really hectic. I can send you what I had done still, if you want.

But this turned out really well! I especially love how you wrote Veronika. I'm not sure what else to say, since I've already sent you my analysis, so just know I'm loving the chapter :-). Just fyi, though: there's no translation for Victor, Veronika, and Val's Russian. (Funny how all the Russians have names that start with V)

Also, I've finally started on the DIRR story we talked about, so hopefully that'll be out by the end of the month. I'm kind of excited for it.
10/2/2018 c10 2DauntlessThreeRavens
I think that I need more. Thanks for the chapter, and I can’t wait for the next portion! Are you going to show the lie detector tests for the other recruits as well? I hope you do, but I’m just excited to see the next portion of the cliff hanger. You’re a fantastic writer!
8/16/2018 c1 20Pixelfun20
Winnie the Pooh!
8/15/2018 c7 2DauntlessThreeRavens
I very much enjoyed part one! I love Kyra and how you’ve written her. She is beyond fantastic. And I am so excited for what lies ahead. I am even more excited that there is going to be a part two soon!
7/7/2018 c6 4CaptainMarvel99
Your story is going great so far, looking forward to seeing how it turns out! There seem to be some pretty cool OC's (even if I know just their names, lol)
7/7/2018 c6 5Hit-or-Mish
Ps: Winnie and Inchie. PFFT, I had a great laugh at that. Pixel, whoever you are, you just helped made my day lol.
7/7/2018 c6 Hit-or-Mish
Whew! Alright a new chapter! I'll admit that I was shamefully anticipating this one hahahah. Though I have to say I still have to get used to seeing my OC written my someone else lol. I was a bit nervous. Though I'm glad that people seem to like Chessie. I'm proud of my awkward son lol.

Aaanyway, back to what I intended to say. You did really well on him! Kudos to you! He seemed really close to how I envisioned him myself, and you did a great job with Dawson and Caleb too, despite I didn't manage to give you much to go on with, especially Caleb. I apologise about that though. Alec as well, it was kinda heartwarming and cute to see him awkwardly hug Chessie. Don't worry Alec, you're being a good dad lol.

The chapter itself was really well written (as usual), and the interactions seem like the start of something really good between them. Of course, being newly met there are some kinks here and there. With the tension between Alexei and Ryan(?) and also still that awkwardness of being new roomates. But, each and every OC seemed to be unique and interesting in their own way. Plus, it seems more realistic this way. All of them just don't hit off right away ya know? Also, the boys of 318 also seem quite interesting and ~mysterious~ very good stuff all around. I can't wait to see the next batch of introduced OCs!

Good luck on your next chapter and I'll send the answers to the questions you need asap!
7/7/2018 c6 20Pixelfun20
Alright! More of the characters have been introduced! Here are my (rather honest) reviews of them:

Chessie likes the heat? I have a feeling he and Alexei can bond over that. He does seem a bit nervous though, and I'm not sure exactly you'll write Alexei to react to that. Sorry for this random tangent about my OC who isn't even IN this chapter, but I'm excited to see him and Chessie interact a bit. For our combat specialist, he seems a bit awkward. Honestly, that's nice, considering the stereotype of the good fighter being this burly, confident man is being broken.

I like Caleb. He's a cool dude. Complaining about your age when you're really still young? Wins me over every time.

Wait. "Chessie wasn't one to get nervous or anxious." But wasn't he just being anxious about whether he'd be good at firing guns in the first part? I just wanted to put that out there. You're confusing me a bit on Chessie's personality.

Caleb. You've taken favorite OC so far for me. Pity you're only a supporting OC. I just love the charisma this guy gives off.

Leave it to Chessie to point out the design flaws of a building. I mean, I get it, the glass is most likely bulletproof, but this is why Steve was able to escape the SHIELD facility during that elevator scene in the Winter Soldier. Coulson might want to listen to this guy.

Also, small point but why can Chessie make the transition to military time so easily?! It took me a year just to get used to it!

Oh I get you Chessie. Long names suck. Still holding out on the $20 bet that you're British.

Also, Viktor and Shawn making their first appearances! I personally am favoring Shawn more, but that's just personal preference at this point. I always tend to root for the underdog/weak guy. Not that Shawn is weak pverall, but he did just get pounded by Vickor.

Side note here as I read Dawson leave Chessie. I'm looking forward to seeing Chessie grow into his own person throughout the story. Right now he seems to only be in it for Dawson, Caleb, and his father (too lazy to remember his name XD). I'm anxious to see how he finds his own reasons for joining SHIELD.

Okay, first impressions of Kiera. She seems a bit rebellious, but... oh. Shy, then? interesting combination. I like that.

Okay, nicknames for Winchester. Winnie (I like that one. Can Veronika use it?), Ester, Inch, Inchie. I don't know. Just having fun I guess. What am I even doing in this review. It's already so long, haha.

Alexei's lack of a proper sleeping schedule. YES! Clever deflection over his gloves. ALSO YES! Alexei and Chessie interaction! SHORT BUT YES!

I'm guessing the last guy is Ryan? If so, I'm liking him quite a bit. He seems to clash with Alexei as well, which I like. You can't get along with everybody. I wonder how he'll react when Alexei goes in his serious mode.

I liked this chapter so far! I'll get the new questions and Veronika/Val's personalities to you as soon as possible. Keep up the good work :-)
7/3/2018 c6 2DauntlessThreeRavens
I am so excited and I can’t wait for the next chapter!
7/3/2018 c5 5Hit-or-Mish
It was a pleasant surprise to wake up to this update! It seems really good so far, with the flow and such. I like Alexei, with his personality and backstory. He seems like an interesting guy.

The little blurp with Chessie at the end was a nice surprise too, since you mentioned he'll only be debuting the next chapter. But hey! You did great! Can't wait for the next one! Keep up the good workThere's still a few minor things that you could improve in, but I can see there's already some improvement from the last chapter. All in all, great job~
7/2/2018 c5 20Pixelfun20
Alrighty then! New chapter featuring Alexei! Sorry I couldn't review sooner, as you know things have been hectic for me today.

Just fyi, the DIRR is the Division FOR Information Recovery AND Restoration, and Mariam's name is actually Mariam Komal Zardari. Both are pretty minor errors and you don't need to change them if you don't want to. The second mistake is my fault as well, since I was half-asleep when I submitted the form and for some idiotic reason spelled Mariam's middle name wrong, completely forgot her last name, and didn't even notice until right now. So yeah. Sorry? That was totally my fault.

And now on to the actual chapter. And Rumlow's still around? Didn't he die in Civil War? That's probably another change for this universe, I suppose. And seriously, he kisses his mother with that mouth?

And Jack, just leave Rumlow behind. Seriously, he's just not worth it.

Alexei's father is Mikael, not Mikhail. Small mistake, just thought I'd point it out. Also, it's nice to see their family dynamic being established! I love their relationship already, as well as the hinted one with Lea.

I'd also like to point out that I love how you integrated the DIRR in. Like seriously. masterful. You didn't dump their backstory in some long paragraph, giving them a sense of mystery but also a good grounding with the tidbits of information you do put into the story. I really enjoyed it, from my point of view at least. Also, Mariam and Aurora are always a win.

Also, what is Mariam doing at the academy? I'm excited to figure this out, especially since I know she wasn't accepted as an instructor.

Your interpretation Antero's personality is also a win. His personas are subtle but detectable if you know where to look.

First impressions of Winchester "Chessie" looks good, especially personality-wise and with his father. But seriously, who names their kid Winchester? Twenty dollars says the kid is British XD.

Overall, the story arc is looking pretty good and has just the right air of mystery in the plot at this point in the game, what with the OCs still being introduced and all. There are some choppy and kind of random POV switches (Mikael's concern for Alexei is pretty apparent without the blatant statement, Marius works better but is still a bit out of place and may have been better executed with a longer conversation), and I think that your section with Jack and Brock worked the best because there were no one-paragraph POV switches. I caught several comma misuses and grammar mistakes as well.

At this point in the story, my best suggestion you be to get a beta reader to help with editing and to bounce story ideas off of (though you seem set in the latter department). You have a ton of potential and I'm already deeply invested and in love with this concept/idea, and I want to see it come to it's full potential.

Either, way, you're doing amazing for your first story and I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism (all of which is only my opinion. You can discard/add anything you wish). You have a ton of talent, and I can't wait to see you improve even more. :-)
7/2/2018 c5 Talgar
Excellent chapter. Im hoping to see how teeangers will adjust to sheild training. Hiliarity is sure to ensue.
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