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8/13 c5 Zinthos001
Ok honestly good concept you should come back and re write it if you get the chance but to be brutally honest the story as it is now is shit, the pacing is off and the constant use of slurred and other descriptives really drags it down you obviously wanted a docile Sasuke a naruto that was like nagato with some Sakura bashing but you didn’t do shit to make it like that it felt like you didn’t even proof read it half the time and the other half it felt like you were writing this because you were being forced to and didn’t care about the outcome
8/10 c14 nathanshelman
love this fanfiction. you had to use little solider boy song didn't u. ouch man. just ouch
6/11 c6 3AquamicStories
holy crap... did people forget that this was the person's first ever fanfic? Some points are valid, but a lot of you guys are repeating each other and just coming off like assholes. Give the guy a break, oh my god. For their first fanfic, I thought they did pretty good.. doesn't mean that there aren't things wrong, but let up.
6/10 c1 6SpookyBlush
I gave up reading this after only 3 chapters.
1) This reads like it was written by someone who has English as their second language, & a poor grasp of it at that. Words are frequently used in wildly inappropriate contexts.
2) The constant flashback/flashforwards give the reader mental whiplash, causing a complete lack of immersion in the story.
3) There is absolutely awful pacing. Rinnegan before even the BELL TEST? please. It's completely unrealistic.
If it's this bad after only 3 chapters, I'm not sticking around for another 600K words/152 chapters. I might reconsider reading this if after studying English to a competent level, & learning pacing, the author rewrote the story. But given how little effort was put in already, & considering the size, I doubt the author has any intent of fixing this.
6/6 c2 Li-Ion78
what the fuck? have you lost words or you just like the work slurred so much? literally no one is drunk in here and people are slurring speeches like there is no tomorrow
2/18 c1 2Areyem Meyera
Good thing I always read reviews before I read.
12/8/2021 c124 1IvanTheEnigma
Ya know, if there was a single person that could make their own sage mode without connection to some form of animal and it be logical to do so it might be the guy that controls nature. Just a thought. Part 1 is better than part 2, but fuck you. Retcons are not always a bad thing and disregarding the majority of them only leads to the storytelling falling flat in certain areas if you don't do something to compensate. For example, you threw out the retcon of Hashirama being strongest. That by itself is fine, but instead of buffing Hiruzen and Minato with either power or skills, you nerfed Hashirama and Madara. Your Hiruzen v Orochimaru fight is at best canon with some extra flavor and at worst copy pasted shit with gold plating. I like avatar, but your references are far too blatant to keep me immersed in the story. You constantly use the wrong words, such as glared instead of stared. You repeat far too much dialogue in fights and the story lacks momentum in earlier parts and there's not enough action.
11/6/2021 c2 Guest
Can someone download it, automatically replace every single use of the words slurred, moaned, groaned, gagged etc with "said" and call it a day? Youd get thousands of favorites for free lmao.
9/27/2021 c1 Dasgun
.-.
9/24/2021 c3 Guest
slurred moaned stuttered groaned are not speech words. Fucks sake, anyone want to edit this and repost it?
9/24/2021 c2 Guest
"slurred" "moaned" what the fuck?
9/9/2021 c2 BadlyOuther
Why is everyone slurring in this story? This is terrible, even outside of that. So, so, so awful.
9/7/2021 c1 Joe Lantrip
What a very hard chapter to read. Whole sentences did not seem to make any sense. I am confused by the use of the word Iconic as well. Why would the characters consider it Iconic? Any way I like some of the ideas and will read a bit more.
9/5/2021 c45 1Lord Erethar
My god this nonsense drags on, it’s almost like I’m watching the anime. 20 episodes to cover a single fight. Sure there’s a lot going on, but there’s also a lot of needless information clogging this story. I’ll continue to read for now as I am interested and have already invested this much time, but honestly, if this trend continues, I may not bother finishing…. Well see.
9/4/2021 c24 Lord Erethar
Okay, this has been bugging me since the beginning, but I pray that you stop using the word “slurred” to indicate speech because it honestly makes it seem like everyone’s is drunk off their asses all the time.
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