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for Harry Potter The Dark Trio

1/7/2020 c1 19StarkIndustries1983
This story seems good but because of the formatting, it is a bit hard to read. Hopefully, you will fix it one day.
8/29/2018 c3 4Mizu Yamazai
I can definitely see that this story has a lot of potential. But I do think it could use a bit of a touch up. The first chapter felt too rushed and left me feeling that there was more to the background behind Harry, Ron, and Hermione joining the dark side. From what I could read, it only details events that happened to Harry mostly. However what would cause his friends to join him? Yes, knowing about Dumbledore's schemes is one thing but what has the light done to push them away? Chapters 2 and 3, like chapter 1, also seem very rushed and seem to give out details but again makes them vague to the reader. When it comes to the dialogue, it's hard to tell when a character is speaking and when they are thinking. A use of quotation marks around the dialogue may help in distinguishing these two factors apart. While there is a lot you could do with this story, I truly believe it has potential. One of the hardest stories it is for me to find is when the entire Golden Trio goes to the dark side. Most of the time it's Harry alone or Hermione joins or Ron, though those stories are rare in itself. So its refreshing for me to find another author wanting to write something along those similar lines because it gives me something to look forward to. I sincerely hope that you'll continue the story because I'd love to read what happens next.
Lady Mizu Yamazai
7/15/2018 c3 Guest
This is a really great idea, but it's really hard to read because of the lack of punctuation. So can you try either spacing it out or writing it with punctuation? The story's gotten off to a good start
7/6/2018 c3 Lady of Moon Over Silver Seas
Great story, appalling grammar
7/1/2018 c2 rushed
ahh one other point - use punctuation! Those last 2 chapters had none, except the full stop at the end of each paragraph.
7/1/2018 c2 rushed
Good idea, but feels super rushed. It feels as if you're ploughing way too much factual information into each chapter, and not letting it tell it's story. It's like reading notes, that have not yet been filled out into a story. I think it has the basis for a really good story though.

My other bugbear, that that I never particularly like it when people end up with a listing of monetary assets, when they're pretty unbelievable sums of money. However, other than daft amounts of money, it's only a short list - so no where near as ridiculous as others I've read in the past :)
7/2/2018 c3 Gurgaraneth
Love it
7/2/2018 c2 2EtherealBunny
Your ideas may not be bad, but this is really, really hard to read. Ever heard about punctuaction?
7/1/2018 c2 Gurgaraneth
Love it
7/1/2018 c2 10Lord Peverell-Potter-Black
i would like to thank you Gurgaraneth for being the first person to Reveiw my story
7/1/2018 c1 Gurgaraneth

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