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1/12/2019 c3 2Rite500
An amazing story!
8/17/2018 c3 32brtnvm
what a tragic story i wonder if reina will be revived or reunited in the afterworld with hydreigon
7/24/2018 c1 11KnightLawn
A very interesting story I really liked it.
7/15/2018 c1 GenX567
[Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames.]

Hi I'm going around giving a second opinion as this guy tends to just bash and flame users.

[You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard.]

Its actually standard english to capitalize Pokemon names. Its even canon in universe according to game freak.

[There is really no indication that Giratina is literally the Pokeworld equivalent of Satan.]

Yeah it has a lot of parallels with the devil. From the three 6s, to the banishment by good and even the whole "one of gods first creations" banished to another dimension for stepping out of line. In fact this matches with Arceus being a mix of real world religions.

[But… Cynthia has five other pokemon, and so does the MC.]

Mortals versus what amounts to a freaking God? Yeah everyone reading know how badly this was going to go. This is one of the beings who can destroy the universe. Your master ball actually has to nerf this being because he's to fucking over powered! Same with the other creation trio members and Arceus. The four of them are in universe the only beings considered actual Gods by the population.

[Typo.]

Not a typo

[The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well]

Yense swifts happen a lot in stories.

[You previously refer to Giratina as “it”, yet it’s a “he” here.]

Giratina gender is up to his preference.

[I love the initial bits showing how shocking an interruption this must be to the trainer’s previously happy-go-lucky adventure, and I love that the god pokemon can’t be beaten by normal means, as it should be.]

Its believable with Garitina as they actually get left. The other legendaries don't {expect the Primals and Mega Rayquaza)
7/15/2018 c1 23St Elmo's Fire
Hi! I’m doing a round of reviews around the site, hoping to help give people constructive criticism instead of just vague appreciation or flames. If you do choose to take my advice I will be glad, but you don't have to feel like I'm making demands of you. I usually try to point out things that could help with future stories, so they can be useful even if you don’t want to edit the current story. Feel free to disagree with my interpretations and don’t be afraid to let me know why. I will be pointing out grammatical errors as well; please understand that I am not trying to be judgmental, but that I honestly believe corrections can improve the story.

You wouldn’t capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn’t capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you’re using it as the pokemon’s name, ie, Ash’s pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it’s a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you’re thinking of capitalizing, like trainer or professor or gym.

[Cyrus died. The initial outrage of the devil Pokémon had slain him and his team in an instant, leaving a champion and a trainer face to face with the incarnation of evil.]

There is really no indication that Giratina is literally the Pokeworld equivalent of Satan. It’s aggressive when disturbed, but so are all the legendaries. Cynthia, who is an expert on the mythology, doesn’t seem to consider it evil, and its attack on Cyrus was in self-defense. Giratina is certainly creepy and dangerous, but describing it as “the incarnation of evil” seems a bit unfair.

[When the dragon fell limply on the ground, scarred, bleeding and unconscious, what was a trainer to do but panic as they became the next target.]

But… Cynthia has five other pokemon, and so does the MC. They could keep fighting. If you meant to convey that Giratina curbstomped it so further resistance was obviously futile, that wasn’t clear and you should make it more explicit.

[he stated it in the eyes]

I think you meant “stared” here.

[it's sole purpose]

Typo.

[That second is all he needed to understand.]

The rest of the story is in past tense, so this should be as well.

[Giratina charged his own ball of energy]

You previously refer to Giratina as “it”, yet it’s a “he” here.

The description here was really great. I love the initial bits showing how shocking an interruption this must be to the trainer’s previously happy-go-lucky adventure, and I love that the god pokemon can’t be beaten by normal means, as it should be.

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