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for Naruto: the last of two clans

11/17/2021 c4 Nunu21
WONDERFUL story when u get the chance i hope u make the next chapter.
4/14/2020 c4 Repsaj
more please
4/8/2020 c4 Guest
When will the next chapters be out
4/8/2020 c4 thor94
fun chapter and test
4/8/2020 c4 barut12717
naruto x ino please
6/29/2019 c4 Andria adel
Love your story, i hope you update soon
11/30/2018 c5 4NaruHinaF
Love how Naruto got angry at Sakura!
11/30/2018 c2 1Novrier
So, this is your first story ... it shows.
Alright, the first chapter was abysmal. Seriously, the angry mob cliche? And with ninjas involved. Umm, why did it seem like a good idea to start the story in practically the worst way possible. It is an overused concept, it lacks logic, it ruins the world, potential ruins characters ... it basically instantly drops the quality of the story by a great deal.
But whatever, I decided to keep reading to see if perhaps that was a starting mistake.
Well, it didn't get much better.
I can say that you story has decent structure, it is not difficult to read, but that ain't much considering everything else.
Chapters are rushed, you stuff enough events into a chapter to feel two or three solid chapters. There are no meaningful details, not solid world building, no nothing. Things just happen, because you want it to be so, for things to happen. But that is not how things should work. As an author you need to build a world where things make sense within a given universe.
Here ... Kurama is nice and calls Naruto kit (which is also an overused cliche). Why is he nice? I don't mind him being different from canon, that is the point of fanfiction, but there has to be a good reason. In canon it made perfect sense why he was filled with rage. His anger was justified, he was actually a victim of the situation and ... yeah, I can understand why he was royally pissed and hated humans.
So how come Kurama is a nice caring friendly softy?
For crying out loud, why are names not written from capital letter? Seriously, I don't mind typos, but this is systematic.
Why do people scream in all upper case letters? I can at least understand when there is something really loud, like a tailed beast bomb exploding or something. But in your case people just scream. Why is it necessary to emphasise screaming in a visual manner like this, when there is already a perfectly good tool for that. An exclamation mark. That is what that thing is for. And if you really need to emphasise the loudness ... well, describe it in the narrative.
Constant time skips, some out of the ass perfect wind lighting combo.
Half the dialogue is exposition.
Characters have no consistency personalities ... or rather they lack personalities at all.
Pacing is abysmally rushed, though I think I mentioned that already.
Obviously Naruto needs a bloodline of sorts. Can't have an interesting character without an out of the ass power. Oh wait, he already is a jinchuuriki!
What I gather is that you just want these concepts in your story, but instead of preparing them fleshing out the universe, introducing concepts, you just shove it all into the story without any rhyme or reason. A kind Kurama, no problem, scratch that off the list. Kakashi killing a ton of people with a chidori and screaming like he is in hysteria, pfft, why not.
The ideas you have might work, they are not without a creative aspect to them. But the story simple feels rushed and unpolished. Instead of a good stable narrative, you have a rushed mess with the only aim to shove your ideas into the universe. The result is a royal mess.
11/30/2018 c2 13Merchant Of Blue Death
You know, when I was your age my classmates and I would have never thought of not starting a name without a capital letter since we learned that rule of English in the FIRST GRADE!

I find it ironic that you try to write conversations using proper English but fail constantly with one of the simplest and basic writing lessons taught. Aside from that fact, no one and I mean no one these days talks in proper sentences, we're just too lazy. Next time you're somewhere with lot's of people, try to listen to how they talk to each other. I'm willing to bet my cat that not a single one uses a grammatically correct sentence at all let alone one time.

If you want to really improve your writing but don't want to actually work on it or get a person to help you then download a program called Grammarly. Once you install that and have it running you can see all the mistakes you've made on your updates after you upload them and use this website's text editor. I guarantee that you'll be sick when you see how much red shows up pointing out all your mistakes from spelling to punctuation to using the wrong word because it sounds just like two others.

Anyway, until you can fix this story I'm out and I'm serious both in you downloading that software because it can really help you and how much basic English you've failed in learning.
11/23/2018 c4 Riku Uzumaki
Oooooo, if you want my ideas, I'd actually say NarutoxTenten since it's honestly not that often it happens. But honestly, I'm actually curious of NarutoxTemari...Either way, gonna be amazing! :D
11/23/2018 c4 Guest
Lame
11/23/2018 c1 ArashiSenju
Hmm... if it was ino? It would’ve been cool if she was in the beginning and sees how he was treated. It would have set up a pretty good foundation for a pairing, because in the anime she try’s to help Sakura with her self esteem and you could’ve done something similar. Because naruto has that same thing going on and it would make him feel like he was second best if she grows out of that fan girl phase.

As for why I like temari she always seems like a flexible character since he doesn’t meet her till the Chuunin exams and you know first expressions. And she also has a wind affinity and has that same attitude where she doesn’t take shit from anybody.

As for the new chapter pretty good but things seems a little too rushed. But the pairings is still an opinion. Hinata is always overused it’s nice to see someone different and challenges him instead of seeing him as a crutch and doesn’t help, especially since he’s gonna be trying to live up to his parents names.
11/23/2018 c4 3Fictionlover87
this story is really amazing I really hope it end up as NarutoxIno. I really think Ino could help him she is always trying to get Shikamaru and choji torque more so I think she will help Naruto out a lot.
11/23/2018 c3 4NaruHinaF
A great pairing would be Naruto and Hinata so it can be like Yin and Yang!
11/23/2018 c4 NaruHinaF
Awesome story so far can't wait to see who Naruto's teammates are as long as it ain't Sakura and Sasuke.
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